a Page 7504 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Kansas City Woman, Thick As A Snicker, Coveted By Young Chiefs Cornerback For Possible Romance
Brandon Flowers, the Kansas City Chiefs very decent defensive back, spotted a fetching lady sometime this afternoon and wishes to reconnect with her in the future by some whim of destiny. Flowers added that he would have engaged in deeper conversation with the woman but did not want to irritate his ...

Albert Haynesworth Allegedly Swiped His Credit Card In A Waitress's Cleavage
This and other details from Haynesworth's indictment on assault charges stemming from a February incident at a DC hotel restaurant. It's one of two pending cases against the soon-to-be-ex-Redskin, and carries the possibility of jail time. [AP]...

Your NBA Playoffs Open Thread
The ESPN homepage suggests this evening that we might have to "rewrite the script" for the 2011 playoffs, what with the Magic just one game from elimination, the Hornets even with the Lakers, and the Bulls barely escaping multiple games with the Pacers to lead the series, 3-1....

We Are All Dave McKenna LXXXI
Here's your daily link to Dave McKenna's brilliant "Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder," which we'll be posting until a judge goes all Agent Orange on Dan "Daniel" Snyder's libel suit....

Your NHL Playoffs Open Thread
There are two game sevens on the bill tonight, with the Canucks-Blackhawks and Sabres-Flyers series both tied up, 3-3. The Bruins, meanwhile, have come back from two games down against the Canadiens and now lead 3-2. They'll play in Montreal tonight, which means Zdeno Chara can once again look forwa...

Jeff Foster And The Brutal Art Of The NBA's Playoff Foul
Indiana's veteran forward Jeff Foster told the Indianapolis Star this week that he knows he'll be considered the "villain" after a series of hard fouls against the Bulls in the first round. The video above gives an idea of what he's talking about; he's yoked Derrick Rose a couple times, in Games 1...

We Regret Not Covering The Thong-Wearing, Feces-Spreading Meth Addict Raiders Fan Sooner
We regret the oversight if only because the unnamed author or editor of this story clearly spent so much time debating the sentence construction about 42-year-old Shawn Batie's meth arrest in a Lodi, Calif. cemetery that he or she should be commended for their detailed craftsmanship:...

Arcade Fire Performs At Cubs Game; Fans Politely Pretend To Know Who They Are
In an epic collision of hipster idolatry and baseball, two members of the Montreal-based indie band Arcade Fire led "Take Me Out To The Ball Game" during the seventh inning stretch at Wrigley Field this weekend....

Dear Roger Goodell: This Is What A Typical NFL Career Looks Like
Roger Goodell recently took to the pulpit to debunk the popularly held notion that an NFL player's career lasts 3.5 years. The truth, Roger says, is that if you make an opening day roster as a rookie, your career will last almost six years; if you get drafted in the first round, it's nine years; and...

Tony Kornheiser Finally, Frustratingly Weighs In On Dan Snyder
Kornheiser is the most visible members of the Washington DC sports media scene. He's also employed by Dan Snyder's radio broadcasting company, and ESPN. Because of the latter, he's been silent on the matter, and because of the former, that silence speaks volumes....

Everything You Wanted To Know About Fantasy Mutant Sperm But Were Afraid To Ask
Before we get to your letters, I must break down, in great detail, this fantastic question that was posted to Reddit over the weekend, from Reddit user Maddawg579:...

Manny Ramirez Hit A One-Handed Homer At 18, And Other Revelations
Sara Rimer, a former reporter for the New York Times, returned to the paper's pages yesterday with a lovely, nostalgic piece about following the George Washington High School baseball team during its 1991 season. Manny Ramirez, then an 18-year-old on his way to signing with the Cleveland Indians, qu...

Did Everyone Notice That Jered Weaver Is The Best Pitcher In Baseball Right Now?
The younger Weaver, who has been sneakily good out for the better part of five seasons out in Anaheim, seems to finally be putting it into overdrive. His shutout last night moves him to 6-0 on the season, rarefied air for April....

Here's What Confused NFL Players Are Doing This Morning
Showing up to work out, some of them. Except not really working out. And the ones that arrived are either union guys checking the lay of the land, or players openly concerned about their workout bonuses. Mostly, players walked in, hung around for a couple of minutes then went home. Everyone's pretty...

Somebody Poisoned The Family Of NC State's Adorable Wolfpack Mascot
Today in animal cruelty and terrible affronts to school pride: someone allegedly poisoned four Tamaskan dogs with familial ties to the N.C. State mascot, Tuffy, in Elizabeth City, N.C. From the News & Observer:...

Dan Snyder Explains Why He's Being A Prick
Dan Snyder explains himself and his newly refiled lawsuit this morning over at Fred Hiatt's bullshit emporium. The piece contains all the spoon-banging you've come to expect from Snyder — "I am not thin-skinned" is probably the most ridiculous assertion on that op-ed page since whatever George Will ...

Keep Your Domestic Squabbles Out Of The Pepsi Center, People
Deadspin body language experts, get to decipherin'. [Mocksession, via Hot Clicks]...

Tony Allen Shaved A Glittery Grizzly Into His Hair Last Night
For a brief time yesterday, Memphis guard Tony Allen had this haircut, featuring a barber's rendition of the Grizzlies mascot and highlighted by the staples of any middle school girl's make-up routine: glitter and white eyeliner. Allen trimmed it before the game started (he had 12 points in the win)...

Caps Fans Skip Parody Videos, Move Straight To Priceless Masterpieces
Your morning roundup for April 26, the day we called a truce with the jellyfish kingdom....

Dumbest Fish Alive Deserve To Be Dead
This is four-and-a-half minutes of silver carp leaping, unprovoked, into a boat. It serves as a fascinating video treatise on natural selection, and possible sport fishing....