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Your Final Four Open Thread
In the evening's first Final Four game, the Virginia Commonwealth University Rams tip-off against the Butler University Bulldogs around 6:09 p.m....

Invisible Line Helps Oregon Win A Sub-NIT Championship
The Oregon Ducks won the College Basketball Invitational tournament (presented by Zebra Pen) last night. The CBI's "history page" goes all the way back to 2008 and notes how VCU won it last year....

The Nationals Extend Their Lead In The Spelling-Fails Sweepstakes
First, they got John Lannan's name wrong on the scoreboards during introductions. Then, they were "honoriing" the heroes of 9/11. Now comes word that the Washengtin Natchonulls broadcast partner shouted outfielder Laynce Nix out as "Lance Nix" on MASN, per tipster James, who offered photographic ev...

A Sad Cubs Fan Has Questions About Wrigley Field Rules Pertaining To Obese Cubs Fans
Tipster Andy from Waukesha, Wisc. has a question. Here it is: "I am watching the Cubs pregame and behind the hosts is a HUGE guy, I don't think I've ever seen someone that big let alone sitting in a stadium seat. How does this work? What about the people next to him? So many questions but this make...

We Are All Dave McKenna LVIII (Busted Piñata Head Edition)
Here's your daily link to Dave McKenna's brilliant "Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder," which we'll be posting until Snyder's dumbass libel suit is smashed to bits to the point that all the pieces of Vero, Pulparindo, Pelon Pelo Rico, Duvalin and Canel's fall to the ground....

This Nine-Year-Old Kid Might Well Be The World's Next Greatest Soccer Player
This lad, who has yet to be publicly identified, is being called "The Japanese Messi." For good reason. The kid's got footwork, pace and panache to the point where the guy who coached "The Real Messi" as a youth has linked to this clip via Twitter. Or, it could just be a farce, which would be sad....

Here's A Picture Of Alex Ovechkin With His Arm Draped Over The First Lady's Shoulder
Alex Ovechkin of the Washington Capitals titled this piece of artistry, "With the First Lady!" and posted it on Twitter yesterday. Awesome on so very many levels not the least of which is the availability of $25 cabernet, per the wall-mounted wine list. If this image doesn't warrant lifting the uns...

Dennis Rodman Recognizes The Importance Of Family
Your morning roundup for April 2, the day that the color starts returning to the knuckles of passengers and crew on Southwest Flight 812, the plane with a three-foot hole in its side....

Yet Another Reason To Hate The Midwest: This Guy's Cubs Favre Jersey
Tipster Mike eyed this tortured soul at the Wrigley Field urinal troughs during the Cubs-Pirates game today....

We Are All Dave McKenna LVII
Here's your daily link to Dave McKenna's brilliant "Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder," which we'll be posting until Snyder's dumbass libel suit is close-captioned in shut the fuck up....

John Salley Story Corner: A Teammate Has A Disgusting Hookup Failure Of His Own
Every week, John Salley, onetime Bad Boy and currently the arachnoid half of the Spider and the Henchman podcast, will regale us with an amusing and occasionally salacious story from his playing days. Today: an unnamed Georgia Tech teammate has an unexpected girl problem....

Here's A Textbook Soccer-Ball-To-Child's-Head Video
This is apparently a couple months old, but it's new to us, and it's a Friday afternoon. Enjoy your CTE, kid....

Cats vs. Dogs: The Top Seeds Have Left The Building
Do you feel that? It's fur. And it's static-y, brimming with energy and excitement and electricity - because the end of the big dance is near. But first, there are two tough players waiting to move forward, to take a shot at greatness. The Final Four is around the corner, so grab your sunblock, beca...

The Cardinals Are Pretty Much Cursed Now, Right?
Adam Wainwright needs Tommy John surgery. Now Matt Holliday is out indefinitely after an emergency appendectomy. Next Albert Pujols will sign with Chicago. (Probably.)...

This Time, Butler's The Favorite
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: Brad Stevens on his gameplan for VCU....

Cockblocked By Cowboys!
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase four heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....

Courtroom Sketches Of A Guy Doing Courtroom Sketches At The Barry Bonds Trial
Our friend Bethlehem Shoals is covering the Bonds trial for The Daily. He provided exclusively to Deadspin these drawings of courtroom artist Norman Quebedeau, whose recent work can be found here....

Your Other Opening Day Open Thread
Aw, don't feel bad that MLB gave you a Friday game to open the season. For example, it's slightly more acceptable to booze your way through the game. We're looking at you, Phillies fans....

Texas HS Baseball Players Charged In Chicken Decapitations
Western Hills High School's baseball team is 7-15 on the season. That's not a very good record. "Change the atmosphere in the clubhouse," old-timey baseball men would say. The team needs some clutch, some grit, some hustle....

Go Deep Inside Brian Wilson's Beard
I know I'm essentially linking to an MLB ad designed to go viral. But this is just so involved, and so weirdly un-MLBlike. [MLBAlwaysEpic]...