a Page 7923 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Cockblocked By A Ferret!
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase four heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....

Area Man Has One Night Stand With Hockey Team From Phoenix In Town On Business
Former collegiate goaltender Tom Fenton (2008-2009 record: 1-12-1, 3.60 GAA) was plucked from a barber's chair yesterday and whisked to Madison Square Garden to play emergency backup for the Coyotes. "Kinda thought my friends were pulling a prank," he said....

Mets Punch Their Fans In The Dick With Awful Season Ticket Pitch
Couched as fake SNY breaking news about a big acquisition, complete with press conference, you might be disappointed to learn that the Flushing front office's big target is...you....

What The Hell Happened To Keith Tkachuk?
One of the greatest American-born hockey players ever, Tkachuk was never known as a svelte dude. But just eight months after retirement, he's looking like he still wears his pads under his dress shirt....

Yao Ming Is Currently Drinking Beer And Eating Fried Chicken
Yao Ming, on his latest injury setback: "I haven't died. Right now I'm drinking a beer and eating fried chicken. What were you expecting, a funeral?"...

Devils’ Advocate: Toepocalypse Now
Every week, this recent Duke graduate will offer you a new reason not to hate the Duke Blue Devils, the bestest basketball team in the land. You are free to disagree....

Send Us Your Holiday Party Horror Stories
For someone who has spent such a large portion of his life drinking and vomiting, I have a shocking deficit of embarrassing holiday party stories. That's where you come in....

Everybody's Taking Photos With Cam Newton's Stolen Computer
The bad news about Cam Newton's defenestration of a stolen laptop when police arrived: it broke. The good news: all the tech folks tasked with fixing it got to have a little fun first....

The Best (And Only) Futsal Goal You'll See All Week
A ridiculous sport calls for a ridiculous goal. Portuguese indoor soccer player Ricardinho makes with the move I'm sure there's a name for, but I'll just call the reverse floppy dolphin kick....

Gary Neal Will Look Nice On The Bottom Half Of This Poster
J.R. Smith get both air and distance, demolishing Neal with both hands. A bit of revenge - the Spurs later drew a charge to negate the potential gamewinner, but fundamental D doesn't sell sneakers....

McNabb Benched Because Rex Grossman Has Better Grasp Of 60-Minute Offense, Or Something
CSN's Kelli Johnson reports: "Just learned that Rex Grossman is starting over McNabb Sun in Dallas; I'm told Redskins Lockeroom is divided and guys are extremely upset." [@kjohnsoncsn]...

Last Night's Winner: WEC Goes Out With Some Matrix-Style Shit
Most MMA organizations fade away for want of money or attention or quality, crushed under the thumb of the largest promotions. But WEC was good enough to merge with UFC, so last night it had a chance to say a face-cracking goodbye....

Telestrator Dong Breaks Out On The Odd-Dong Rush
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Video Proof That Traveling Doesn't Exist Anymore
Where, you might ask, do our nation's NBA players get the idea that two steps is just a suggested limit? It starts early. PIVOT FOOT, YOU LITTLE CHEATER, NOT PIVOT FEET....

The Worst News Lede You'll Read All Year (UPDATE)
"For the past month, body parts have been piling up around Miami-Dade and Broward counties like extra pounds on Kim Kardashian come Christmas time." [Miami New-Times, Google cache Screengrab below]...

Drew Brees Is Officially The Politest Man In The World
Congratulations to Drew Brees, named the Best-Mannered Person of 2010 by something called the National League of Junior Cotillions....

Vikings Fans: Enjoy Joe Webb, No Guaranteed Seating, And No Booze
How many Minnesotans are wondering if they can just cancel the season now? Monday's game at TCF Bank Stadium will be "first-come, first-serve" and there will be no alcohol sold. Also, terrible football. [Pioneer Press]...

Jayson Werth Wants To Kick Phillies Fans Out Of Nationals Park
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: the Nats' big prize on his old fanbase's DC pilgrimages....
![Merry [Bleep]ing Christmas From Ozzie Guillen](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/Image_Not_Found_1x_qjofp8.png)
Merry [Bleep]ing Christmas From Ozzie Guillen
What could be better than the quirky White Sox manager under your tree Christmas morning? This foulmouthed outtake reel, wherein Ozzie tries to sell you his nipples, or something....

A Former NFLer Goes Behind The Sideline Wall
Yesterday, Jets strength and conditioning coach Sal Alosi was suspended indefinitely for ordering a sideline wall and tripping up Miami's Nolan Carroll. We asked ex-NFL player and occasional Deadspin contributor Nate Jackson for his thoughts....