abl Page 25 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Note To Starbucks Baristas Everywhere: If You Find Yourself Serving Coffee To Mitch Albom, Spill It On Him
Mitch Albom, America's favorite fun-sized poetastering fabulist, decided to use his Sunday column space in the shrinking Detroit Free Press to whine about America's service workers in the haughtiest fashion possible....
Pablo Sanchez Would've Used Steroids, And Other Real-Life Projections For The Greatest Youth Baseball Player In Video Games
As every Millennial knows, Backyard Baseball is the children's computer game in which neighborhood boys and girls play pickup ball with kid-sized incarnations of everyone's favorite major leaguers. The 2001 edition, for example, featured the likes of Mike Piazza and Barry Bonds, traveling across dis...
The Portugal-Turkey Friendly Featured A Portuguese Flag Tifo Using Thousands Of Tablet Computers
While Portugal's Euro 2012 tune-up with Turkey didn't produce the expected result (Cristiano Ronaldo missed a penalty kick and Portugal lost 3-1) they can take pride in the display shown during "A Portuguesa," the Portuguese National Anthem. Thousands of tablet computers (possibly iPads, though it...
Pablo Sandoval Under Investigation For Alleged Sexual Assault
Rehab was going pretty well for San Francisco's third baseman, Pablo Sandoval, until sometime mid-afternoon Friday: working out and rehabbing on his own, enjoying a break from the daily grind of Major League Baseball, getting a little "consensual, personal relationship of a sexual nature" action....
Your Lee Corso Inflatable Duckie Photoshop Roundup
We have said this before: You guys are the best. So very talented and warped and idle in ways we can't even imagine. Yesterday we showed you a wonderful photo of College Gameday's Lee Corso riding a large inflatable duck, and told you to have fun with it. You did, and these are some of our favorites...
Pablo Sandoval Pies CSN Bay Area's Jaymee Sire In The Face
The Giants beat Bay Area rival Oakland yesterday 4-0 and after the game CSN Bay Area's Jaymee Sire was in the clubhouse asking questions and rolling tape. Pablo Sandoval was lurking, however and while poor Jaymee was wise to his plan to get Pagan, she learned the hard way that the Panda is an agil...
Man Busted By Reporter For Parking Illegally: "Fuck You. I Hope You Get AIDS."
It's local news sweeps time again, which means reporters are on the prowl with their I-Teams to trump up whatever tired outrage hasn't been covered recently. Fecal matter in iced tea? Eyewitness News is on your side! Cops eating doughnuts and drinking coffee on the job? The I-Team is there!...
The Suns Shut Down And Beat Up Blake Griffin
Blake Griffin was unstoppable in the first quarter, going 7-for-13 from the field. Phoenix regrouped, and turned the game into something more closely rembling Atari's Basketbrawl, and what do you know: it worked. Griffin didn't score another field goal the rest of the game....
Joey Votto's New Contract Is Like A Mortgage-Backed Security
Reds first baseman Joey Votto officially signed a big contract extension today. A big, honking deal: 10 years, $225 million, on top of the two years and $26 million the Reds already promised him for 2012 and 2013. There's an option year for 2024....
Hurler Outman Injured While Hurling Something Out
To land on the disabled list, some players might strain a calf muscle while working out at the gym or sprain their wrist in pursuit of a shallow flyball....
Stoner Video Of The Day: Table Tennis Legend Marty Reisman Pings The Pong In Trippy Slo-Mo
You don't even even need to get high to trip out on this. The dashing older gent in the fedora and shades is 82-year-old Marty Reisman, a New York ping pong shark/legend/champ from the old school and what every idiot hipster in Brooklyn aspires to be but NEVER EVER WILL EVEN FUCKING COME CLOSE to ...
Kobe Bryant Will Wear A Black Mask Tonight
Bad guys wear the black hats. Maybe black masks too. Kobe's been rocking the standard clear facemask the past few games. But who says you can't protect a broken nose and be stylish at the same time? This is the guard Bryant will don tonight, and it has more than a whiff of MF Doom about it....
Some Men (In The 18-49 Demographic) Just Want To Watch The World Burn
FOX easily won the ratings battle with a rain-delayed, fire-delayed Daytona 500. There's a lesson here, and I'm pretty sure it's "don't underestimate the drawing power of things blowing up."...
Armageddon At Daytona As Juan Pablo Montoya Hits Jet Engine-Powered Track Dryer And Boom, Explosion
Miraculously, there were no injuries after a bizarre incident on the 160th lap of the much-delayed Daytona 500 in which Colombian driver Juan Pablo Montoya's car fell apart at just the wrong moment: as he approached a track-drying truck, complete with jet fuel-powered turbine in the back....
It's Settled: "Lin-Sanity" Ice Cream Flavor Deemed Racistly Delicious, Ben & Jerry's Apologizes
First, Ben & Jerry's hopped on the Jeremy Lin bandwagon with its "Taste the Lin-Sanity" flavor, featuring crumbled up fortune cookies. Then Ben & Jerry's took a few steps back and swapped the fortune cookies out for waffle pieces after a "bit of an initial backlash" about the fortune cookies. The m...
Racist, Or Racistly Delicious? Ben & Jerry's New "Lin-Sanity" Flavor Features Fortune Cookie Pieces
Available only at their Harvard Square location, Ben & Jerry's is selling a limited edition "Taste The Linsanity" flavor, which includes delicious little crumbles of fortune cookie. This, despite the Asian American Journalists Association's clear warning that there's no "compelling reason to draw a ...
All The Racist Jokes You Shouldn't Make About Jeremy Lin, According To The Asian American Journalists Association
If you're part of a minority group, there's a journalism association for you. NABJ, AWSM, SAJA, NAAJA, NAHJ, AMEJA, EAJA, WAJA, the acronyms go on. But Linsanity, with all the casual racism associated with it, is AAJA's time to shine. The Asian American Journalists Association has been all over the ...
Where Is The Black Jeremy Lin?
Is Jeremy Lin unprecedented? William Rhoden takes a whack at the question in The New York Times today:...
MSG Is Going Back On The Air
After seven weeks of dickwaving, Time Warner Cable and the MSG Network have reached a preliminary agreement that will return MSG to the 1.1 million households that have been blacked out. It's tempting to thank Linsanity, but the reality is more prosaic: the sides hammered out a compromise only under...
Presenting The Dumbest Linsanity Press Release So Far, Courtesy Of Applebee's
This press release was just forwarded to us:...