ac Page 585 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The Booger Mobile Has Been Decommissioned For The Season, And Possibly Forever<em></em>
Bad news for all those Boogerheads out there: ESPN will not be utilizing Booger McFarland’s whimsical and obnoxiously large contraption for this weekend’s Colts-Texans wild-card playoff game. The Booger Mobile’s aspirations for world domination have hit a snag....
Disgusting Sneakerhead And Lovely Human Being Sam Woolley Is Leaving Us
Today is Sam Woolley’s last day at GMG; after six years of brilliantly illustrating across the network’s various sites as well as hosting the occasional Funbag and sharing the odd harrowing view into his personal care routine, he is now heading off into the hereafter. RIP Sam. Here’s how we’ll remem...
Your Favorite Baseball Team Can Afford Any Free Agent It Wants
The days are no longer getting shorter and darker, and began to bounce back in the right direction a few days before Christmas. There is still a lot of winter left, though, and given the way that the MLB offseason just kind of never got around to happening last year, it’s hard to know when things w...
Maybe A Troy Tulowitzki Signing Will Tide You Over While You Wait On Manny Machado
We’ve been preheating the damn oven for two months, but now that it’s 2019 perhaps we are finally entering the hot stove season we’ve been so rudely denied? The Yankees have signed a multi-time all-star, multi–gold glove winning shortstop!...just not that one....
The Jets Failed To Clean House
Todd Bowles was doomed. That much was clear seven weeks ago, after a 41-10 home loss to the Bills, who were starting a fourth-string quarterback in another lost season of their own. The question for the Jets on this Black Monday is why general manager Mike Maccagnan got a reprieve....
These NFL Coaches Sucked Enough To Get Fired This Year
Hue Jackson and Mike McCarthy were horrible enough to get canned during the regular season, but now that Week 17's wrapped up, it’s time for all the other disappointing NFL head coaches to join them in the Great Coordinator Gig in the Sky. Here’s a brief roundup of everyone who’s been canned today....
For Better And Worse, Marvin Lewis <i>Was</i> The Bengals
Do you even remember the Bengals before Marvin Lewis? The Dave Shula–Bruce Coslet–Dick LeBeau trilogy of sadness? It is no overstatement to say that Lewis led this franchise to its golden age in the Mike Brown era, nor that Lewis was this franchise for a generation ... nor that what Lewis and this f...
Lamar Jackson And The Retooled Ravens Completed Their Romp To The Playoffs
For all the sublime football the Chiefs, Rams, and Saints provided us this year, the most entertaining aspect of the season may have been the Baltimore Ravens’ transformation from fodder for the rest of AFC into the NFL’s scariest War Rig. They beat the Browns today, 26-24, to clinch a playoff berth...
Tom Coughlin Rips Leonard Fournette And T.J. Yeldon For Sitting On The Bench All Day
The Jaguars’ miserable and noxious season came to an end today, but not without one final reminder of how dysfunctional the team is from top to bottom. ...
Alabama Did What Alabama Does To Oklahoma
In Saturday’s first 17 minutes of game time, Alabama reeled off 28 straight points to knock down Oklahoma before anyone at the Orange Bowl had a chance to buy a second beer. That early lead proved to be the cushion Alabama needed to coast to an easy, if not entirely calm, victory in Miami. The final...
Nevada Coach Jay Norvell Hath Donned The Blue Shirt Of Inspiration
In general, football head coaches are pretty much the dullest, weirdest, most wooden-brained group of men on earth, just a bunch of sweaty cosplaying doofuses blindly guessing at how to do their ridiculous job and what it even means to be good at that job, which probably isn’t really one job at all ...
Impact Wrestling Is Stuck In TV Purgatory And Facing A Bleak Future
The long-beleaguered Impact Wrestling, which had been hunting for a new American TV deal, announcing a new destination last Friday. Starting on January 11, the two hour eponymous weekly Impact show moves from Thursday nights on PopTV (formerly the TV Guide Channel) to Fridays at 10:00 p.m. ET on the...
Steelers Coordinator Says His Defense Will Have "A Problem" Covering A Guy Who's Been On Injured Reserve For Three Months
The Steelers are in a tough spot. Their late-season swoon has put them in the unfortunate position of needing a win from the dreaded Browns in order to have a chance at claiming the AFC North and advancing to the playoffs, when it has been literal decades since anyone has been able to rely on the Br...
Alabama Football Player Stops Himself From Saying Something Interesting About Kyler Murray
When asked a question about Heisman Trophy winner and Oklahoma quarterback Kyler Murray, Alabama defensive lineman Quinnen Williams almost gave an honest answer in advance of Saturday night’s Orange Bowl....
Inter Forced To Play Two Matches In Closed Stadium For Having Racist Shithead Fans
This year, Italy’s Serie A adopted the English tradition of holding matches on the day after Christmas, known as Boxing Day, in hopes of showing off its domestic product to the widest possible set of eyeballs. Of course, as the hopefully embarrassed country came to realize, showing off the glories o...
Just Five Blissful Minutes Of Jon Gruden Stomping Around Shouting At People
Jon Gruden was mic’d up during Oakland’s Week 16 beatdown of the Denver Broncos, and Wednesday the NFL published a little five-minute cut of his choicest moments, and I am here to tell you it is extremely compelling stuff. I would watch a weekly television show of nothing but clips of Gruden screami...
Larry Fitzgerald Says Ndamukong Suh Poking Him In The Eyes Was Just "Clowning"
On Sunday, during the Los Angeles Rams’ 31-9 win over the Arizona Cardinals, Rams tackle Ndamukong Suh poked Cardinals wide receiver Larry Fitzgerald in the eyes. Given his reputation as a famously dirty player, most people assumed the worst, with Pro Football Talk calling for him to be fined and at...
<i>A Christmas Story</i> Subplots, Ranked
Christmas feels incomplete without at least four-to-six partial viewings of A Christmas Story, Bob Clark’s 1983 movie based on Jean Shepherd’s semi-autobiographical stories. By now, if you have a heart, you’ve seen each segment and running subplot dozens of times. But which are the best? And which a...
What Did We Get Stuck In Our Rectums Last Year?<em></em>
It’s here! It’s finally here! Every year it seems like the big day will never come, but it’s here. It’s the day to gather with your family and friends ‘round the hearth, warm beverages and sweet treats at the ready, and have a hearty chortle over the things America stuck inside itself and couldn’t r...
Larry Fitzgerald Throws First Career Touchdown Pass
With reports circulating that the Cardinals won’t bring him back next season, Steve Wilks and the rest of his coaching staff have decided to go bold with their play-calling as they try and play spoiler against the visiting Los Angeles Rams. For one of their final decisions in charge, they decided to...