aces Page 5 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Who Hugged Roger Goodell Longest At Last Night's NFL Draft?
Last night’s first round of the NFL draft featured many large men embracing an extremely rich one. As we do every year, we’ve measured each draftee’s hug time and measured it against his fellow rookies. The winner? New Falcons defensive back Keanu Neal, who got intimate with Roger Goodell for more t...
WHARRGARBL
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How To Win At A Casino
With all due respect to the good people of Thackerville, Okla., I am not currently aware of any defensible reason to rumble down their I-35 off-ramp other than to wander, aimlessly and awestruck, around the world’s largest casino. That is, unless you really like tornadoes or porno stores, the two th...
High Jumper Sports Weird Beard
Here’s Italian high jumper Gianmarco Tamberi at this weekend’s Diamond League event in London. He, uh, missed a spot....
Did ESPN President John Skipper Play Dewey On <i>Malcolm In The Middle</i>?
Watch this video and be the judge....
Berman Told The Barber To Leave It Long In The Back Back Back Back
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The Sling I Wear On My Mangled Arm Smells Like Ass, Please Help
Jolie Kerr is a cleaning expert and advice columnist. She’ll be here every week helping to answer your filthiest questions. Are you dirty? Check the Squalor Archive for assistance. Are you still dirty? Email her....
Don't Be A Dick At Concerts
Nothing ruins a concert faster than some rude-ass fellow concertgoers. At a certain point, it’s gotta be legal for you to swat a phone out of someone’s hand who just won’t stop taking pictures at a show. It’s not cool, man. You can’t control the behavior of someone else, but you can make sure you’re...
Good Morning
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Champion Powerboat Racer Who Faked His Death Surrenders To Authorities
Andrew Biddle—the champion powerboat racer who authorities suspected of faking his own death in a boating accident—surrendered in Atlantic County Superior Court today. Biddle and a friend were supposedly in a boat that crashed into a buoy off of Longport (N.J.) last July. The friend swam to shore an...
Somebody Spoiled The <i>50 Shades</i> Ending For Billy Donovan
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Screencap Classix: What Has Been Exclusively Seen Cannot Be Unseen
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Screencap Classix: We're All Disgusted
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Screencap Classix: Hockey, In One Image
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Philadelphia Hosts World's Shortest Running Event
Have you ever found yourself envious of all those races runners participate in, but are unwilling to actually run? Then Philadelphia (which, it should be noted, is the 14th-fattest city in the U.S.) has just the event for you....
Cheating-Ass Wiener Dog Will Not Be Stopped
The main takeaway here is that all dog competitions should be interbreed. Otherwise, how else are we going to see a Chihuahua get trucked?...
That's A Sad Life
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Dodgers And Diamondbacks AAA Teams In Sprawling, Benches-Clearing Brawl
Tempers flared in the second inning with the first pitch of the at bat between Reno Aces (AZ) pitcher Mike Bolsinger and Albuquerque Isotopes (LA) shortstop Erisbel Arruebarrena. Bolsinger threw up and in and Arruebarrena had to duck out of the way, as the pitch hit his bat for a foul ball. Arrueb...
Embrace Your Fate
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These People Are Discussing Soccer
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