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Kill #killthewin: The Fight Over Stats In Baseball Has Gotten Stupid
Television is the worst. Look at what's happened to the MLB Network's house numbers guy, Brian Kenny, who's spent the season preaching to the choir by beating horses to death right in front of them. It's fucking awful....

How To Pair Wine With Food: A Guide For Ordinary Drunkards
"Ew, I wouldn't date him. He's a Sauvignon blanc drinker!"...

Jesus vs. Aliens: WHO YOU GOT?!
Time for your weekly edition of the Deadspin Funbag. Got something on your mind? Email the Funbag. Today, we’re covering scorpion stings, blimps, Band-Aids, and more....

Chase Utley Finally Answers Mac From <em>It's Always Sunny's</em> Fan Letter
The It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia episode in which Mac's very sad letter to Chase Utley is read aloud is four years old, but we'll excuse the tardiness of this response because it's pretty damn funny. Maybe Utley just had a lot of catching up to do on his DVR queue. ...

Here's Why Federer And Nadal Have Never Played Each Other At US Open
Two days ago, Serena Williams was told that two great rivals, Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal, have never played each other at the U.S. Open. ...

Bad Beat Turns Pro Poker Player Into The World's Saddest Man
Here's a bit of action from this year's World Series of Poker. As you can see on the screen, Carter Gill had a 93 percent chance of winning the hand when his opponent called his bet. Now sit back and let the agony wash over you....

Anchor Inserts Pro Wrestlers Into Sportscast—Can You Catch Them All?
Via Awful Announcing, this is WHAS-Louisville's Adam Lefkoe livening up a sportscast by inserting the names of pro wrestlers. Sometimes they're subtle. Other times, not so much....

I Must Go On. I Can't Go On. I'll Go On.
Our man Mark Jacobson has a beautiful story on Sonny Rollins in the latest issue of Men's Journal. Rollins played with the great musical innovators of the mid-century—Parker, Monk, Dizzy, Miles....

Australian Footballer Sets Dwarf On Fire, Gives League CEO The Giggles
Here is Australian Football League CEO Andrew Demetriou demonstrating exactly now not to react to news that one of his league's players set a dwarf entertainer on fire at a team party. ...

Why The NFL And Players Were Both Desperate To Settle Concussion Suits
Now that emotions have cooled, it's worth looking back at the concussion litigation that led to a $765 million settlement from the NFL. Something resembling a near-certainty emerges: Had it gone to trial, this was a case the NFL was going to win, for two distinct and dispassionate reasons....

Roger Federer Upset (Again) At US Open
And once again, Roger Federer is out prematurely at a Grand Slam. Federer was upset in the 4th round at the U.S. Open tonight to Tommy Robredo, 7-6, 6-3, 6-4. ...

Deadspin Up All Night: The Champ
Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. We're closing up early due to holiday, but everything will be back to normal tomorrow. Enjoy the rest of your Monday....

Diana Nyad Completes Cuba-To-Florida Swim, Is Better Than Us
Diana Nyad became the first person ever to complete the swim from Cuba to Florida without a shark cage on Monday, because she is not human....

Jets Sign Handsome, Bad QB To Temporarily Replace Handsome, Bad QB
The Jets weren't satisfied with their quarterbacks after the cutdown to a 53-man roster, so they made another move Monday, signing Brady Quinn....

Deadspin Up All Night: If I Had A Heart
Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. It's a holiday tomorrow, but we'll still be around for a bit. Enjoy tonight....

The Best Recipes And Tips You've Sent In So Far, Scum
This Labor Day weekend, as you well know and have indicated on all of your calendars, both paper and e-, marks the first anniversary of Foodspin—and, while this is not the precise reason why many of you will receive an extra day off from work tomorrow, it is the reason why you have clung to life lon...

How To Barbecue Ribs: A Guide For The Perplexed
Pork ribs are to Serious Barbecue—which is something distinct from the burgers-and-dogs routine for which your average Suburban Dad-type unfurls his "Kiss The Cook" apron on the odd sunny July weekend—what the four-seam fastball is to pitching....

Trapped In The Water Closet, Featuring Fernando Rodney
Fernando Rodney had himself a bit of an adventure in the dugout bathroom at O.co Coliseum last night. It's unclear what exactly caused it, but the Rays closer found the exit blocked and required the introduction of a foreign object before he was finally free....

Deadspin Up All Night: A Phantom And A Fly
Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. We're getting an early jump on the long holiday weekend. Burke, Sean, and Samer will give you lots of reasons to check back till the whole gang returns on Tuesday. Now go have some fun....

Dead Letters: Sick Burn, Pete Prisco. Sick Burn.
Subject: How To Make A Pimento Cheese Sandwich: A Recipe Unlike Any Other/Article...