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Gilbert Arenas's Ex Can Appear On "Basketball Wives" In Part Because Obama And Dick Cheney Are Related
Gilbert Arenas did not want his former fiancé Laura Govan to appear on VH1's "Basketball Wives" or mention his name on it. So, he sued....

If You Have To Get Arrested, Driving While Drinking A Beer And Receiving Oral Sex Isn't A Bad Way To Go
Thanks to The Smoking Gun, we can all meet George Howard, a Kentucky man arrested this morning for some shenanigans involving a 2006 Ford on the outskirts of Louisville. Johnny Law intervened after seeing Howard's ride allegedly collide with a curb....

Big Fan Chad McGhee Wants You Join Him To Watch The Knox City Greyhounds Reach For Football Immortality
Much has changed for Chad McGhee since he was hereby nominated for consideration as the biggest high-school football fan in the history of the game. ...

Bay Area Radio Hosts Have Insane Solutions To Fan Violence
KNBR's Damon Bruce supports profiling for allowing fans into games. [UPDATE: Damon was very insistent that he never mentioned or intended a racial aspect to the profiling, and we'll take him at his word. So, keeping out races, no, keeping out thugs who just come to games to start trouble, yes.]...

Chad Ochocinco Says He Will Reimburse The Buccaneers Rookie Who Jacked Him Up And Got Fined $20K
Rookie Buccaneers linebacker Mason Foster may have two first names, but he doesn't have a lot of money. He's a rookie, and a third-round pick, which means $20,000 means more to him than it does to, say, Chad Ochocinco, the Patriots receiver Foster hit in last Thursday's preseason game....

Jerry Jones Denies Storming The Locker Room After One Half Of A Preseason Game
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: the Cowboys owner says he didn't get furious until after the entire Chargers game....

What ESPN Will Be Talking About Today: Special Playmaker Chris Johnson Makes Special Plays, Needs Money
A new feature in which we condense your morning SportsCenter to its essence....

Brought To You By The Network That Televises The Little League World Series
It's Aug. 24, the day we were too busy to run for mayor of Wasilla. Click the photo to enlarge. If that doesn't work, click here. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors. ...

Ohio Man Rams A Store With A Semi Truck So He Can Steal An $800 Synthetic Vagina (UPDATE)
Ah, Ohio. Home of the drunken werewolf and the teacher who sprayed cops with her breast milk. Now the Smash and Grab Sex Toy Thief of Lorain County joins them....

US Marines Serving In Afghanistan Warned Not To Fart So Audibly
Battle Rattle, a Military Times blog, has an important dispatch from the front lines, which they wanted us to share with you. So often we forget about the sacrifices our troops abroad make to protect this nation's freedom. Sacrifices like sphincter clenching....

Sally Jenkins's Pat Summitt Piece Will Break Your Heart
Jenkins, the longtime Washington Post writer, is one of Summitt's best friends. She discloses that in her piece, which you should read now....

Canadian Television Says Blue Jays (Now Diamondbacks) Utility Infielder John McDonald Hit 96 HR This Year
Ed note: he has not. Two, the number of homers McDonald has hit, is 94 fewer than 96. Thanks to Coreywise for the photo....

Go Forth And Spread The Good Word That Tim Tebow Is Essentially The Broncos' Fourth-String QB
"[O]ne highly knowledgeable member of the organization told me Monday, 'If everything was totally equal, and this were a competition based only on performance at this camp, Tebow would probably be the fourth-string guy. Kyle [Orton] is far and away the best, and Tebow's way behind [Brady] Quinn, too...

The Law Took Kyle Busch's License Away For Doing 128 In A 45 Zone
We know, it is awfully hard to believe that some guy who drives expensive cars around at 150 mph for a living would get caught driving an expensive car at 128 mph. Where could he have learned to do something horrible like that?...

Farting At Urinals: An Exploration In Etiquette
The Postmortal drops a week from today, and to celebrate the release, next week's edition of the Deadspin Funbag will be a LIVE FUNBAG. We'll throw the post up around noon, then you can send in questions for the next three hours (via email or the comments) and I'll answer them in real time. All you ...

You Can't Fight A DMV-Nominated Samurai Champion In Lieu Of A Trial Anymore
A tipster has sent us a story nine years old but timeless. You might not know that in England, drivers must fill out a specific form in order to avoid paying taxes on an unused vehicle. You also might not know that in Medieval England, trials were often settled by the two parties engaging in single ...

What ESPN Will Be Talking About Today: The Win Is Fake, But The Injuries Are Real
A new feature in which we condense your morning SportsCenter to its essence....

George C. Scott Can't Stand Colin Cowherd, Either
It's the combination of the Cowherd and the Arby's that really makes this so unbearable. Doesn't this just feel so familiar?...

Kool Aid Man Really Wanted To Catch That Foul Ball
Your morning roundup for Aug. 23, the day they found a lot of semen in a fancy hotel room. H/T to bigsombrero for the photo. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....

Your Monday Night Football Bears-Giants Open Thread
We are still ready for some football. Bears, Giants, Tirico, Jaws, Gruden, all of that. But no Osi. 8 p.m., ESPN....