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Here's The Trailer For <em>Borderline Beast</em>, Upcoming Movie About Brandon Marshall's Personality Disorder
Brandon Marshall: Borderline Beast is probably not coming to a theatre near you, unless you happen to be staying in Pat Bowlen's house while he loops the film to vindicate himself....

This Is Why You Should Bring A Glove If You're Gonna Sit Near The Right-Field Foul Pole At Yankee Stadium
It is, like, the least surprising thing in the world that this Yankee fan, who got hit in the face with a foul ball, is holding a BlackBerry. His collar is popped under his Yankees t-shirt. Ugh....

Your MLB TRADE FUCKING DEADLINE Open Thread
We've covered Beltran-to-the-Giants, and the considerably more important Fister-for-Furbush trade....

Behold: This Skymall Ad Is The Only Thing That Still Believes In Jeff Francoeur
Your morning roundup for July 31, the day we realized we would never eat again. See anything that might interest us? Email the tips line. Skymall ad via Alan....

Yes, Jay Cutler And Kristin Cavallari Are Still Registered For A Few Things At Crate & Barrel
Prior to the recent love-on-the-rocks update that Chicago Bears QB Jay Cutler and reality someone-or-other Kristin Cavallari chose not to become man and wife after all, friends and well-wishers pretty much hit everything the couple asked for on their Crate & Barrel registry....

"Wannabe Hooligans" Brawled In The Stands At A Philadelphia Union Match
A soccer-loving pal of mine who wishes to remain nameless emailed this morning about "a huge brawl in the Sons of Ben section" at last night's Philadelphia Union/Colorado Rapids match. The Sons of Ben to which he referred is the name of a group of hardcore Union supporters; they march in en masse ...

Here's One Surefire Way To Ensure Your Franchise's 51st Year Since A Championship Will Not Be A Charm
"The Dream Team." The Dream Team?! Not even a week into an abbreviated camp. With your best receiver holding out. Yep....

The Long-Anticipated Furbush-For-Fister Deal Has Been Consummated
In MLB trade-deadline eve news, the Detroit Tigers get a right-handed workhorse Fister (first name Doug) from Seattle in return for a Furbush (Charlie) to plant in its bullpen and use when needed....

A Wrestler Called "Hannibal" Thinks A Wrestler Called "Butcher" Gave Him Hep C
In this story, an "Ottawa-based professional wrestler filed a multimillion dollar lawsuit against WWE hall of famer Abdullah the Butcher, claiming the wrestling legend gave him Hepatitis C during a 2007 match, forcing him to end his wrestling career prematurely."...

Chris Kluwe Conditionally Surrenders No. 5 To New Vikings QB Donovan McNabb
Your morning roundup for July 30, the day we're provided with living proof that 32-year-old women are, in fact, into 83-year-old men. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....

Redesigned Madison Square Garden Will Let Bankers Leer At Jocks Through Glass
Madison Square Garden, lest we forget, is undergoing some celebratory renovations this summer. They're ripping out the purple cushioning and replacing it with — well, probably with more purple cushioning. But the more adventurous redesigns are truly visionary. And also kind of creepy....

Stories That Don't Suck: SportsFeat's Guide To Life, Death, And Sex On Skis
Every Friday, SportsFeat picks a few great weekend reads for Deadspin. With things sweltering outside, we went looking for stories that might remind us of what it feels like to be cold. We found these instead....

Kyle Orton Will Never Back Up Tim Tebow
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: either he's the man, or he's gone....

Kelly Leak: The Coolest Kid Who Ever Lived
The following is excerpted from Josh Wilker's book about The Bad News Bears in Breaking Training, written for Soft Skull Press's Deep Focus series....

When Tom Met Chad: Love Blossoms At The Patriots Camp
Tom Brady met his new wide receiver today. ...

Even The Chili Is Considering Cutting Ties With The Bengals
"Gold Star Chili seems to be questioning their sponsorship as the 'Official Chili of the Cincinnati Bengals' ... In the 5 question survey, which you can take here, Gold Star cites some pretty convincing evidence that would lead one to beleive [sic] that the company's major sponsorship of the Bengal...

Pussyblocked By Jealous Male Suitors!
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase three heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....

Chris And Carmelo's Excellent Chinese Adventure Continues With Interpretive Masked Opera Dance
Chris Paul, Carmelo Anthony and Dwyane Wade are all on board for this year's week-long Jordan Brand Flight Tour in China, during which the players will "introduce China specific editions of [Nike's] signature products that takes inspiration from the Chinese culture as well as the athlete's style o...

All Of This MLB Trade Deadline And NFL Free Agency Talk Is Really Getting Confusing
Your morning roundup for July 29, the day we got kicked out of Wal-Mart for wearing a string bikini. Photo via @JeffDLowe. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....

It's Not The Heat, It's The Humididong
Mitch Butler and Josh Landis couldn't even get through a simple 2:05 CBS Early Show segment exploring the nuances of humidity without slapping a big old phallic symbol up on the screen, and one with a rapidly increasing temperature, no less....