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Jose Canseco Tweets Obsession With Lady Gaga, But He Spurned Madonna, So...
Okay, I suppose there are a lot of things a little wrong with Jose Canseco's latest Twitter freakout, but there's a whole plane full of parallels we can't miss. And those parallels make this much more than the ramblings dribbling out of a disgraced slugger's Dorito-dusted fingers....

Mets Owner: Mets Suck
There's a lot of chatter today about some choice Fred Wilpon quotes in this week's New Yorker that find the Mets owner trashing his team the way, oh, everyone else does. Seriously — he sounds like Joe from Farmingdale, dialing into WFAN an hour after last call. And damned if there isn't a part of me...

There Was A Poignant, Action Figure-Only Funeral For The Macho Man In A Backyard This Weekend
Your morning roundup for May 23, the day Beyoncé ran the world. Staged Macho Man funeral via HuggingHaroldReynolds.com....

Sometimes, Tom Brady Makes It Too Easy To Have A Tom Brady Caption Contest
Torn from the Just Jared "Gisele Bundchen: Bikini Pooltime with Tom Brady!" headlines comes this wonderful shot of the New England Patriots quarterback totally enjoying the pool slide at a Mexican resort....

Your Canucks/Sharks Game Four Open Thread
If San Jose fans actually believe that men in tights can be as effectively distracting to a penalty-boxed opponent as bared boobs, they don't deserve to advance to the Stanley Cup Finals....

Here's Video Of The Time The Philadelphia Union Gave The World Its Daily Soccer Highlight
Carlos Ruiz, the Philadelphia Union's prized free-agent pickup muffed a free kick last night, right in front of the Sons of Ben fan club seating area. Then, it bounced back out to Ruiz's left foot about 25 yards from goal. And then, a young franchise got an early "Goal of the Year" nominee....

Former Oregon State Pitcher Was Paralyzed After Spinal Injury, But Can Now Stand
In 2006, 20-year-old Oregon State University pitcher Rob Summers suffered a spinal injury which left him unable to use his legs after a still-unsolved hit-and-run case. Five long years later, he's been dubbed "Superman." Once paralyzed, Summers can now stand and has regained "some purposeful moveme...

Watch ESPN's Doris Burke Flub Her Lines About Oklahoma City Arena
Your morning roundup for May 22, the day some people in North Carolina started taking Pirates of the Caribbean too literally, but not in a cool swashbuckling way or anything....

Your Preakness Stakes Open Thread
All the horse races and Kegasai in the world won't bring Barbaro back, but the Preakness looks like it's fun, huh? Well technically, it looked a lot funner before the B.Y.O.B. policy broke the infield's decadent soul....

Your Bruins/Lightning Game Four Open Thread
Bruins just took a 1-0 lead on Patrice Bergeron's goal, halfway through the first period. Victor Hedman's fault. Seems like he's been doing that a lot this series....

Giants Fans, Don't Insult The Butt Of Your Best Homegrown Player Since Marvin Benard
Your morning roundup for May 21, the day we robbed the Knights of Columbus and a tattoo parlor. H/T E. Gunther for the screencap....

Aaron Rodgers Practiced His "I'm Going To Disney World" For Days Before The Super Bowl
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: Rodgers loves him some "Glee," not so much Christina Aguilera....

Dead Wrestler Of The Week: Miss Elizabeth (Deadspin Classic)
"Macho Man" Randy Savage was killed today in a car accident. Last year, our pro wrestling correspondent paid tribute to Savage's manager and first wife, Miss Elizabeth. She died in 2003 of an overdose at the home of her boyfriend, Lex Luger....

Totally Anonymous Soccer Player Sues Twitter For Saying Ryan Giggs Had An Affair
Some married British soccer player had an affair with a model, and we guessed it was Ryan Giggs. But the media couldn't reveal his name because of a court order. So someone signed up for Twitter and started naming names, including that of Ryan Giggs. But we still don't know for certain that Ryan Gig...

Cockblocked By A Rape Joke!
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase four heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....

ESPN Radio's Jared Max Comes Out On The Air, With An Assist From Charles Barkley
Jared Max told his cat before he told anyone else....

This Poor Dog Is Forced To Sit Outside Mets Games With A Pipe In Its Mouth
As if you weren't already paying too much to see Justin Turner mash on Dillon Gee's behalf, a recent internet groundswell sheds light on another gross perversion inherent in the Citi Field experience. A dog, Coffee, sits outside the stadium, ostensibly for your amusement, in sunglasses or a Groucho ...

Ranking The 10 End-Of-The-Human-Race Scenarios
The Rapture is scheduled for tomorrow, and this is roughly the 17th time in my life that all of us were supposed to die according to some kind of vague, medieval prediction. All of these Rapture predictions, of course, are born of hubris. Everyone wants to believe that they will be alive during the ...

"Macho Man" Randy Savage Killed In Car Accident
"TMZ spoke with Randy's brother, Lanny Poffo, who tells us the wrestling legend suffered a heart attack while he was behind the wheel around 10 AM ... and lost control of his vehicle." [TMZ]...

Today, Consider Bankrupting Dan Gilbert For A Good Cause
Nick Gilbert, bespoke son of Comic Sans-loving Cavaliers owner Dan, became your new favorite meme for about six hours Tuesday night when he presided over Cleveland's unlikely NBA draft lottery win. (And he too cued something in between dickishness and awkward humor from Timberwolves GM David Kahn.)...