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Science Wins Again: Heavy Drinkers Live Longer
Hey teetotalers: not only are you a drag, you're going to die younger. Live slow, die fast, jerks....

Deadspin HOF Nominee: Athlete Dong
Of all the things I thought Deadspin would end up being known for, back in September 2005, "pictures of the typically large penises of professional athletes" would have not been high on the list. But art evolves, you know?...

Historians Would Later Pinpoint It As A Pivotal Moment For The King Of Pop
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Brandon Jennings Explores His Inner Gaga
This clip is being presented as "Milwaukee Buck Brandon Jennings performs 38 seconds of Lady Gaga to settle a bet." From BLKICE3's Twitter page early this morning:...

Jay Cutler, Chicago's O-Line Have Trust Issues
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

RIP, Luna Vachon
Former World Wrestling Entertainment star Gertrude "Luna" Vachon died Friday morning in Florida at age 48. She was living with her mother because her home was damaged in a fire. [Fox Sports]...

Lil Wayne Loves Him Some Maria Sharapova
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Guess What Kings Fans, The Maloofs Are Never Going Away
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: Hotelier Sacramento Kings owner Joe Maloof....

Everybody Needs To Stop Talking About The Cubs' Future For A Few Months
After Lou Piniella announced he was retiring after last Sunday's game—fittingly, it was a blowout—the Chicago and national media started yammering on about who would replace him, and What It All Means For The Cubs. Please make it stop....

New Yorkers React To Some Pervert Videotaping A Ballerina's Ass, Calling Everyone "Goober"
Click to view Times Square sucks, but every once in a while something special happens. Like when an impromptu photo shoot of a ballerina who is not dressed like a ballerina crosses paths with a guy who videotapes women's butts. [Carlos Miller, via Skeets]...

GREAT MOMENTS IN DRUNKEN HOOKUP FAILURE: Hooker Edition!
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase four heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....

I've Never Seen Four Effeminate Filipinos So Excited
You think you were thrilled by Miss Philippines making it to the top 15 of the Miss Universe Pageant? Try these four. Sorry ladies, I know you like a guy not afraid to show his emotions, but I don't think they're interested....

When Even The Fetus Is Pro-Choice
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Terry Francona: The '94 Strike Is The Only Reason Jordan Returned To NBA
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: former His Airness manager and current Red Sox skipper Terry Francona....

Airbag Prank Nearly Launches Man Through Ceiling
Get a bunch of Russians together, ply them with alcohol, and it's only a matter of time before this happens. Interestingly, this is a perfect re-creation of the later years of the Soviet Space Program....

Miami Mayor Joins The Marlins Pile-On
Miami Mayor Tomás Regalado, citing those Marlins' financial statements that show what the city probably should've known already, now would prefer not to spend $100 million of the public's money on a boondoggly parking garage for the team's boondoggly new stadium....

Join The Deadspin Facebook Page And Possibly Get Your Becky On
Hello again! I know I keep bugging you to join the Deadspin Facebook page, but, dammit, it's just so full of gorgeous ladies like Alexia Fortunato who are happy to engage in sexual acts with numerous readers she finds semi-attractive....

Read Bill O'Reilly Wax Uptight About '70s Porn Auteur Gerard Damiano
During the early days of disco, young scribe Bill O'Reilly scribed for the Boston Phoenix. His first article was a feature on the director of Deep Throat, giving new resonance to "Fuck it, we'll do it live." [Boston Phoenix]...

Real-Life Lady Football Coach Story Not Going As Well As Lady Football Coach Movie
Natalie Randolph is a woman. But she's also a high school football coach in Washington D.C. Is your mind blown yet? It shouldn't be. We've been here before....

A Roundup Of Angry And Confused Emails Concerning That Bike Crash Video
Last week, I posted this video of a bike collision between an easily distracted helmet-cammed bicyclist and a jaywalking pedestrian. It proved to be fairly popular and elicited a strong reaction. Here are some emails I got....