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Down Goes Strasburg (Sort of). Nationals' Autopsy Scheduled (Today).
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

And Now, MLB Mad-Libs
A 41-year-old man was arrested after allegedly spewing racial epithets at a security worker and yelling at a woman who spurned his advances during a ______ ___ ___ [proper name] game....

A's Ballboy Scores Chick Using Four-Balls Trick
You'd think the Oakland Athletics would plaster embed links of their first attention-worthy event since Canseco pumped McGwire's ass full of inject-a-juice far and wide. Not the case. So, here's an excerpt of the story ......

Last Night's Loser: Drama-Loving U.S. Open Fan, Third Row
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

<em>GQ</em> Writer Says LeBron Isn't Immature, Just Different
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: GQ writer and LeBron James chronicler J.R. Moehringer....

Cardinals Broadcaster Arrested For Drunken Driving, Smiles Beet-Faced For The Camera
Dan McLaughlin—the primary play-by-play guy for the Cardinals on Fox Sports Midwest—was arrested on Monday for suspicion of drunken driving just outside of St. Louis in Chesterfield and, well, he made a funny face. [St. Louis Today]...

Watch the (Love) Captain of Drunken Hookups in (Literally) Hot Action
Thanks to all who entered and voted in the Drunken Hookup Failure Contest. You have spoken ever so loudly. Our winner is Drew. H., one hot piece of... Here is his tender FAIL re-enacted for your pleasure....

Florida Man Has Scarred Elderly Couple For Life Because He Keeps Fucking Their Horses
Best line from this fascinating news report via WCTV comes courtesy of Priscilla McDearmid: "I don't even like to have the dog out at night lately because we don't know if that man is standing over there in the corner somewhere watching."...

Nenad Krstic Was Arrested For Throwing That Chair
Following yesterday's basketbrawl at the Acropolis Tournament, Athens police arrested Nenad Krstic for his role in the fight since his chair hit Yannis Bouroussis, leaving Bouroussis with a "bloody wound on the side of his head." Plate-breakingly bizarre updates inside....

Cockblocked by Snow! GREAT MOMENTS IN DRUNKEN HOOKUP FAILURE!
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase four heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....

"When Their Panties're Moist, We'll Give 'Em The Finale": One Stud's Adventures In Deca And Male Stripping
Paul Solotaroff, the guy with the pecs in the above photo, lived through the age of muscle, which on one notable occasion found our hero shimmying for horny Long Island women, his dick in a Star of David rayon sling....

Violent Bike Collision Has Quick, Polite Resolution
A guy riding his bike with a shoulder-mounted camera hits an old man. Words are exchanged. Disputation seems inevitable. Then both graciously agree on their mutual culpability and move on. Moral: Old people need to watch where the fuck they're going....

Teenage Poop Vandals Arrested At Ritzy Florida Hotel Pool
Surveillance cameras show one of the teens reaching into his pants, pulling out a turd, then having a poo party with his buddy. It will cost thousands of dollars to undoodie the damage. [ABCNews]...

'Hi, I'm Sidney And I'm Going To Get Tim Tebow Laid'
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day...

Say Hello To Grandma Babs, Deadspin
Facebook contest winner Babs Claire has returned from her very special afternoon with Daulerio at Yankee Stadium. Her account, after the jump....

Greeks And Serbs Fight It Out On The Basketball Court, With Their Fists
The Acropolis Tournament in Athens ended today when the Greek and Serbian teams got into a bench-clearing brawl. Come for the punching, stay for the Nenad Krstic chair-throwing. [AP]...

Dwyane Wade Thinks LeBron James Has Handled Himself Very Well This Summer
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: Dwyane Wade. ...

Percy Harvin Collapses, Has Name Changed
Vikings all-everything Percy Harvin, suffering from a migraine during practice, vomited on the sidelines and collapsed. He was taken to a nearby hospital by ambulance and caused ESPN copy-editors to miss a typo which referred to Harvin as "Migraine." H/T six tipsters....

Summermodo: Best Gear For Bike Geeks
Studies show biking aficionados of a certain age do well in the romance department. If your bike was tricked out with this LiveRider kit that turns your iPhone into a wireless cycling computer, you'd have to use an app to juggle all of your dates. LiveRider is only one of the cool cycling-related it...