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Desperate For Excitement, Pirates Announcers Melt Down After Big Win
This is Greg Brown (play-by-play) and Steve Blass (childlike enthusiasm) calling the Bucs' walk-off win on Saturday. If Pittsburgh ever has a good season, Blass's head may explode. [h/t Steve]...

To Dan Marino, Jerry Rice Gives A Double F-U
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Phillies Fan Performs Bottlatio
Let it never be said that the No H8 Campaign doesn't have friends in the Phillies bleachers: Seconds 2 thru 6 of this brief video; three/four people up from the bottom right corner....

Here's Why Canada Should Lose Its Baseball Privileges (with update)
Meet Brent Bowers, manager of the Edmonton Capitals of whatever the Golden Baseball League is....

A-Centaur Suffers A-Boo-Boo
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Haynesworth Passes Fitness Test! Haynesworth Passes Fitness Test!
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Jets Could Win The Superbowl, Says Jets Coach
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: J-E-T-S, Jets, Jets, Jets head coach Rex Ryan....

Keyboard-Throwing Contest Goes About As Well As Expected
Like all fledgling non-Olympic sports, Keyboard Toss still has to work out a lot of kinks. Regulation equipment and throwing motions are good starts but they should probably focus on how not to hit the cameramen....

ESPN Radio Intern Inadvertently Scratches Junk On Camera
It's been a while since we heard about a sports radio intern doing something untoward but look at what we have here. Intern Alex of Primetime with Isaac and Big Suke, we offer you our praise and condolences. [Bob's Blitz]...

Cockblocked by Cassiopeia! GREAT MOMENTS IN DRUNKEN HOOKUP FAILURE!
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase four heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....

Summermodo: Meeting Your Melon-Related Needs Since 2010
How often has your enjoyment of a thirst-quenching melon en plein air been thwarted by inconvenience? Well, this watermelon cooler on wheels is just one of the ingenious, baffling, and handsome gadgets featured on Summermodo 2010....

Female Driver Plows Into Reader's Dunkin' Donuts This Morning: His Report
Reader Eddie B. was enjoying a French cruller this morning at a Westchester Dunkin' Donuts when this lady, in an apparent rush, drove through the store. He writes in:...

Last Night's Winner: The Case For Robot Umpires
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like the fallibility of man, or at least of third base umpire Bob Davidson, whose blown call cost the Marlins the game....

FSU Cowgirl Friend Of Jenn Sterger's Corroborates Favre Voicemail, Cock Photo
No, it's not 60 Minutes, but Playboy radio interviewed former FSU Girl and "friend" of Jenn Sterger, Allison Torres, who is surprised The Favre Dong story has surfaced now. Jenn showed her the photo of it two years ago, she said....

How To Shoot A Shark In The Head
"I'm scared," squeals a child as the executioner brings his revolver to bear on the 7-foot bull shark, Nguyễn Ngọc Loan-style. Smile, you son of a— [via AnimalNY]...

I Scream, You Scream, We All Scream For Free Readings
Hey, New Yorkers: it's time for another portion of Gelf magazine's Varsity Letters series of free readings. Tonight at 7:30: gambling, bodybuilding, and The Girl Who Struck Out Babe Ruth. That's 7:30, DUMBO, and free....

Tarvaris Jackson: I'm Super, Thanks For Asking
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: potential Vikings starter Tarvaris Jackson....

A Thorough Analysis Of Han Solo’s Ability To Score Space Poon
Your letters:...

I-Reports: Matthew Berry's Friend's Famous Strange Was Probably Mira Sorvino
Previously, we brought your attention to The Case of Matthew Berry's Friend Hooking Up With An Oscar-Winning Actress. The response has been a hodgepodge of famous women and the amount of research that went into this project is staggering. Let's recap....

Fan Won't Let A Little Downpour Chase Him From His Seat, Dilute His Beers
Braving the daily torrent of South Florida last night was this stalwart Phillies fan, who refused to move from his seat during a rain delay, and refused to take his thumbs out of his beer bottles. [Thanks to Nick for the video]...