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Mariners Fan Loses Bet, Dignity
Last weekend, the Padres and Mariners faced off at Safeco Field. San Diego took two of three, and one fellow on the wrong end of a bet produced this oddly whisper-filled love letter to the Padres. H/T Theodore Donald Kerabatsos....

Argentine National Team Given Go-Ahead To Hump Its Way To World Cup Glory
Argentina's World Cup doctor says the squad will be allowed to sleep with "regular partners...without champagne or other drinks" during the tournament since sex is "not a problem in itself." Given recent events, Maradona's response to this news will be exquisite. [iAfrica.com]...

Mushroom Tea Murder: Man Removes Friend's Still-Beating Heart
After taking psychedelic mushrooms, a California man gouged out his MMA training partner's heart, eyes and tongue, all while he was still alive. Witness testimonies detail the two men's increasing paranoia as it spiraled out of control....

This Is What Orson Welles Sounds Like When He's Drunk
Here's a delightful set of outtakes from a Welles commercial for Paul Masson wines. As the old adage says: If the check clears, Orson Welles'll shill for your crappy products, but don't expect him to be sober doing it. [Pursuitlist via NYMag]...

US Fans Create Horrific Image To Stir Up World Cup Rivalry
Here at The Spoiler, arts and crafts are held in very high esteem, be it the infantile crayon drawings of a child/Jamie Carragher, or a beautiful marble sculpture from the hands of Michelangelo/David James....

Minor League Giveaway Just A Little Bit Racist?
Do you see anything wrong with this Ryan Howard lawn jockey — sorry, "garden gnome" — giveaway? The Reading Phillies don't. But then, maybe we shouldn't expect a Reading Rainbow Coalition from Central Pennsylvania. [Inquirer]...

PR Guy Gets A Little Handsy With TV Reporter
Click to view All Dan Noyes wanted to do was interview a woman about a hospital gift fund. He was rudely intercepted by the hospital's very touchy-feely communications director. Unstoppable force, immovable object, etc. Video after the jump. [SFGate, video via Today's Big Thing]...

Big Ben Combines His Love Of Bullies, Commerce
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Do You Believe In Unexplained Mystical Phenomenon?
Can Orlando continue to keep things interesting? Or will Boston continue to annoy everyone by being Boston? Consider the possibilities as you settle in for another night of learning and loving. Unless there's something I don't know about. Okay, then......

Yankees Fans Pull Ahead In Basebrawl Standings
Ah, spring. When a young man's fancy turns to getting loaded and fighting other young men at a sporting event. This video, taken at a recent Rays-Yankees game covers all the hits: a brief brawl, people shouting "YouTube," and finger-pointing galore....


Your US World Cup Squad Open Thread
In just a few minutes, the Yanks' 23-man World Cup roster will be announced live on ESPN. Use this space to weigh in on Onyewu's fitness, Davies's exclusion, and whether Edson or Herculez has the best first name....

Tampa Bawww: Scribes Cry Foul Over Northeast Super Bowl
As soon as Roger Goodell announced that the 2014 Super Bowl would be played at the new Meadowlands Stadium, our nation's finest sportswriters hit the panic button. But lets bring them in from the cold with a little, you know, logic....

Albert Haynesworth Was In Love With A Stripper (Until She Got Pregnant)
So now he's not. The Brooklyn woman met Haynesworth at the Super Bowl, but he dumped her in March when she got in the family way. She's suing for $10 million, which is chump change for Dan Snyder employees. [NY Post]...

After Seeing This Promo Pitch, Who Wouldn't Want To Go On A Cruise With Rick Dempsey?
Walkoff Walk discovered this gem of a YouTube video where one cadence-challenged pitchman tries to sell this Rick Dempsey (himself!) luxury cruise. You will. Talk like. This. All day. [WalkoffWalk]...

Here's An Indonesian Toddler Who Smokes 40 Cigs Per Day
Exasperated mum says: "He's totally addicted. If he doesn't get cigarettes, he gets angry and screams and batters his head against the wall. He tells me he feels dizzy and sick." Do they have 3-1-1 in Musi Banyuasin? [TheSun]...

Erin Andrews Shows Off Her Dancing Wounds
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day...

"First Question: Where Are Your Pants?"
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Flyers Fan Thinks Live TV Is "F^@*ing Amazing"
Hey, you put a drunk Phillyite on live television, moments after their team wins the Eastern Conference Finals, and you're basically begging for an f-bomb. You simply cannot take hockey fans anywhere. [Crossing Broad]...

Flyers Inspiring Playoff Run Makes Area Blogger Look Bad
The Flyers—who had to beat the Rangers on the final day to get into the playoffs, remember—are in their first Stanley Cup Final since 1997. Good thing I optioned that inspiring sports movie idea. [Photo: AP]...