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A Tale Of Two Zebras: Hockey Refs Turn Informant, Victim
Hockey referees are a fickle creature: sometimes they tell you how to beat the goalie, sometimes you get arrested for checking them into the boards. This weekend saw both....

Live Blogging People Dancing With What Some Consider To Be Stars
See this lady? She's involved somehow in tonight's season premiere of DWTS (pronounced "duh-witz"), along with 10 other celebrities....

Milton Bradley, Nothing If Not Consistent
The newest Mariner is very sorry for his two consecutive Spring Training ejections. Just kidding! He says he'll never change, and that the umpires are out to get him. [Seattle Times]...

Pat Jordan Submits His Spring Break Essays To Us Via Fax
...And the first installment will run tomorrow Wednesday. Mr. Jordan cargo van-slummed it in Daytona Beach for us last week to complete this assignment, so pass it along to friends and colleagues because he'll never do this for us again....

Tiger Woods Still Offends Some Women
"And maybe those amends Woods keeps talking about making might include helping to prove that women have a more meaningful place in the golf world than as groupies." [Salon] (PHOTO: Reader Greg U. from Fort Lauderdale Beach Hooters)...

Onions Win The Weekend
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like players who had the courage to take the big shot—no matter how ill-advised—and became heroes to small children everywhere. Don't you hate guys like that?...

Subliminal Telestrator Messages Get A Lot Less Subliminal
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

All Hail Our New Ivy League Overlords
Kentucky may be the favorites. Northern Iowa may have pulled the biggest upset. St. Mary's may be the least likely to be here. But for the next four days, this tournament belongs to Cornell....

Big 12, Big East, A-10 Vie For Most Disappointing Tourney Conference: Your 5:00ish Games Open Thread
Xavier-Pitt, Texas A&M-Purdue, and Cal-Duke close out the weekend. By the end of the late afternoon slate, our Sweet 16 will be set. Well, not "ours." Mine included Kansas and 'Nova. Keep up in the comments....

Badger Badger Badger: Your 2:30ish Games Open Thread (VIDEO UPDATE)
GaTech-OSU, MSU-Maryland, Mizzou-West Virginia, and Cornell-Wisconsin tangle in the early afternoon slate. On pep rally photos alone, the smart money is with Wisconsin. (H/T to BoRyansBaldSpot for the photo)...

Canine Vs. Citrus: Your Gonzaga-Syracuse Open Thread
A sole early game again, as 'Cuse tries to avoid getting Jayhawked, and Gonzaga tests our patience with its "Cinderella" label for the 20th consecutive year. Follow along in the comments, won't you?...

Yes, Kansas, Let Us Taste The Tears Of Unfathomable Sadness
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Your Move, Wake Forest: Your Late Game NCAA Open Thread
Well, that was something wasn't it? Good luck topping that upset, everyone else left in the field....

Roundball In Square States: Your 5:40ish Open Thread (VIDEO UPDATE)
You know those "Westernly" teams that you never watch because they play on Monday nights in weird alien time zones? Yeah, they're all playing right now. Kansas-Northern Iowa. Washington-New Mexico. Baylor-Old Dominion. Look at an atlas once in awhile....

Set The Lower Midwest Aflame: Your 3:00 Open Thread (VIDEO UPDATE)
Indiana, Kentucky, Ohio, and Tennessee. If you're flying over these states today, the bonfires will light your way to whatever godless coastal sinhole you've sold your soul to live in. Butler-Murray State; Ohio-Tennessee. Get some....

Stories That Don't Suck: Self Esteem, Ballad Of Big Star, Fantasy Baseball, Michael Lewis's First First Thing
Every week, I'll excerpt a handful of stories — old and new, sports and otherwise, relevant and merely sublime — that I urge you to read for one reason or another. Send any suggestions to [email protected]....

Catholics vs. Catholics: Villanova-St. Mary's Open Thread
Just one early game today, but one that could tear the Holy See apart. Did the Pope intercede in the 'Cats near debacle against Robert Morris, or is he secretly a West Coast basketball fan who's grown bored with Gonzaga?...

Courtney Coxian Women Confront Snapping-Turtle Problem: Houston-Maryland Open Thread
Before Greivis Vasquez can take his "poor man's Manu Ginobili" routine to the next round, he'll have to lance the proverbial boil that is Aubrey Coleman and the Houston Cougars. Make a sweat pun whenever Gary Williams is on screen....

Pitino-Backed Red Birds Attempt To Screw Bears On Restaurant Table, So To Speak: Lousiville-Cal Open Thread
You were expecting a different picture, weren't you? Louisville had an off-year, and so did the Pac-10; there might as well be two pictures to keep you engaged. Say "Samardo Samuels" thrice into a mirror and comment the results....

Argentine Outlaws Clash With Malodorous Nuts: UC Santa Barbara-Ohio State Open Thread
Can Orlando Johnson do an Evan Turner Impression and bounce the Buckeyes? Not if Thad's boys can help it. (Expect them to help it.) Michigan fans: say how much OSU sucks. OSU fans: hang out and continue ignoring Michigan fans....