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The Wizards, Still Operating Without A GM, Drafted A Guy They'd Neither Met Nor Spoken To
The Washington Wizards selected Gonzaga big man Rui Hachimura with the No. 9 pick in NBA Draft. The pick was a bit of a surprise given that there hadn’t been any reports of any connections between that franchise and their eventual draftee. As it turns out, that surprise extended all the way to the p...
Here Are The Lottery Picks Of The 2019 NBA Draft
The saddest teams in the NBA have gone ahead and taken prospects they hope can lead their franchise into next year’s tank when they race for whoever 2020's best college player will be. Here are the lottery picks of 2019....
Chauncey Billups Drags Out Tired Trope, Says Zion Williamson Was "Raised Right" Because He Had "Two Parents In His Home"
With the first pick in the NBA Draft, ESPN draft analyst Chauncey Billups selected one of the worst possible approaches to complimenting a player’s character, after Zion Williamson had finished taking his ceremonial photo with commissioner Adam Silver and was making his way over to ESPN’s Maria Tayl...
Darren Rovell Overdoes It On Attempt At Human Emotion With A Pennywise-Ass Giggle
The 2019 NBA Draft is almost underway and, in a surprise to absolutely no one, Darren Rovell is in attendance talking about the only thing that matters to him: the brands. With this access, he approached the guaranteed first-overall pick of the draft in Zion Williamson and asked him when the shoe de...
All Your Assets Are Belong To The Pelicans
The trade that sent Anthony Davis from the New Orleans Pelicans to the Los Angeles Lakers was a good one. The Lakers got a superstar to pair with LeBron James, and the Pelicans got a hefty package of young players and draft picks to put toward rebuilding their roster. One of the top assets to change...
Dick Vitale Breaks Huge NBA Trade, Walks It Back, Probably Misread A Tweet
This afternoon, ESPN basketball broadcaster Dick Vitale praised the New Orleans Pelicans for flipping the fourth pick in the NBA Draft for Indiana Pacers center Myles Turner. The alleged trade also somehow involved the Atlanta Hawks, who have the 10th pick....
Rays Suggest Playing Half Their Home Games In Montreal: Seriously, What The Hell?
Given all of the problems with the Rays—and there are many—dire situations call for nontraditional thinking. Like hanging out with your friends and smoking a ton of weed and wondering aloud Dude. What if a team could play in two cities? That is probably not how this proposed solution to the Rays’ at...
ESPN's Adrian Wojnarowski Is Now A Corporate Shill For An NBA Sponsor
Adrian Wojnarowski, ESPN’s most prolific and trusted NBA reporter, is now a brand bot for a company that is partnered with the league he is, in theory, supposed to be covering aggressively and adversarially. ...
Andrés Guardado Is The Engine That Makes Mexico Run At Full Power
Mexico’s men’s national team is one of the best in the world. How you define “one of the best” is up to your interpretation, but they are the best team in CONCACAF, the 18th best in the world according to FIFA’s rankings, and always a good bet to play at least four games at every World Cup, even if ...
Longtime Track Coach And One-Time Olympian Charged With Sexual Battery Against Former Athlete
A longtime and prominent track coach and former Olympian was arrested in Los Angeles on Wednesday and charged with one felony count of sexual battery by fraud for allegedly molesting one of his former athletes. The arrest reportedly comes as the result of an Outside The Lines investigation that deta...
Padres Pitcher Shines In Major-League Debut, Also Wins Bet With His Good Friend John Cena
A pitcher making his first MLB start against the Milwaukee Brewers’ fearsome offense is already a daunting scenario, but add the pressure of John Cena rooting for you, and man, it’s impressive that Logan Allen got out alive....
Mike Conley Traded To Utah Jazz For Some Crud
Remember the decade basketbloggers and analysts spent appending the word “underrated” to every single mention of Mike Conley’s name? Then he signed what was, at the time, the largest contract in NBA history, and everybody stopped calling him “underrated” for a while. Heh, well, about that....
Untimely Sprinklers Derail Match Point
Life can be rough on the ATP Challenger tour, one rung below the pro tour you see on TV. World No. 317 Adam Pavlásek was just a point away from locking up his second-round win at the Challenger Bratislava over world No. 218 Elliot Benchetrit. Then six sprinklers came to life....
Skip Bayless Falls For A Fake Woj Tweet About Chris Paul Mocking James Harden's "Manboobs"
Have you heard the news? If you watched FS1's Second Take this morning, you did: the Rockets backcourt’s toxic situation got so bad in part because Chris Paul repeatedly berated James Harden about his “manboobs,” to the point that Harden left team practices in tears. Wow!...
Parents Brawl At 7-Year-Olds' Baseball Game
Just some extremely normal parents here, doing extremely normal parent things in the middle of a Saturday afternoon youth baseball game....
MLB Umpires Throw Whiny Tantrum Over Manny Machado's Whiny Tantrum
In the fifth inning of the Padres’ 14-8 loss to the Rockies on Saturday, San Diego third baseman Manny Machado blew a gasket after getting called out on strikes by umpire Bill Welke. Machado caught a quick ejection for arguing the call and was livid, yelling in Welke’s face and then tossing his bat...
Let's Remember Some Guys: American Gladiators Beyond Thunderdome
How smart do you want your sports to be, really? Not the athletes involved, who will invariably have the kind of fast and opportunistic and almost automatic intelligence that athletes display in the moment, but the sport itself. Do you want it to be complex and governed by arcane rules, or just so s...
The Euro 2020 Mascot Is Just A Creepy Human Man
Creating a mascot for your international sporting event can be fraught with peril. Izzy, originally Whatizit, was the mascot of the 1996 Olympics and is still mocked today. London’s mascots for the 2012 Olympics and Paralympics were simply amorphous blobs. The 2006 World Cup, held in Germany, had a ...
Zach Sanford Barfs All Over Himself During Blues Stanley Cup Victory Parade
The 2019 Stanley Cup champion St. Louis Blues held their victory parade Saturday, celebrating the franchise’s first ever title. As is usually the case with victory parades, this event featured blissed-out sports men consuming inadvisable quantities of alcohol. Some handled it better than others—Bre...
Kawhi Leonard Did The Laugh
Not to dump on the Toronto Raptors’ parade, but it’d be awesome if Kawhi Leonard signed somewhere else this offseason, if only because it would solidify how badass this season’s accomplishment was. The dude had an acrimonious split from the Spurs, was traded to a team he “had no desire to play” for,...