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Stop Pretending Donald Trump Is Running For President
Tonight, hot pork balloon Donald Trump will participate in a televised debate with nine Republican presidential candidates. He is pretending to campaign for president, and the political press has agreed to pretend to believe him for a little while. It’s cynical and farcical and boring and stupid and...

Stop Procrastinating And Quit Being A Flake
Ask An Adequate Woman is a space where folks can ask the questions they can’t—or maybe just won’t!—pose to their friends about relationships, fashion, family dramas, dating, existential crises, weird sex stuff, and everything else. The Women of Deadspin (and some of our clever friends) are here to h...

This Is The Most Lit Political Ad Of All Time
Why is that large child getting carried around by his dad? He’s way too big for that. What a weird family....

ESPN Has Lice
Here is an internal memo that was recently sent to ESPN employees:...

The 49ers' Turf Is Still Terrible
The terrible condition of the 49ers’ field was a running story throughout last year’s training camp, forcing the team to tear up the turf and completely replace it after just two preseason games. The grass is just as bad this year, and may have played a role in the Niners cutting short last night’s ...

Adrian Peterson Gets Off Probation 15 Months Early
Adrian Peterson was sentenced to two years probation after pleading guilty to misdemeanor reckless assault last November. That probation was suddenly cut short when Judge Kelly Case signed a motion to terminate the sentence last week, and the Montgomery County District Attorney isn’t too happy about...

Deadspin Up All Night: I Can't Stay Away
Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. Drink water....

The NFL Would Like To Have A Little Talk With You About Sex
Does the NFL give its players sex advice? Of course it does! This is a league that tells its players how to tuck in their uniforms, has an approximately 600-word definition of what a catch is, and has its employees sign an “integrity of the game” honor code. So why not give its players The Talk?...

The NFL's Dumbass Deflategate Science Report Is A Feature, Not A Bug
Last night, a mountain of documents and transcription emerged from Tom Brady’s late June appeal hearing before Roger Goodell. It’s been a circus, with a series of insults, emails, and sneaker requests to Tom Ford pouring out of the file cabinet, but the testimony most relevant to the case circles ba...

These Poor Crab Fishermen Had The Worst Super Bowl Experience
That damn slant route that cost the Seahawks the Super Bowl was hard for anyone to comprehend, but I can’t imagine any Seattle fans had a worse time watching it unfold than these crab fishermen:...

5 Thoughts On Tom Brady's Case From A Guy Who Read The Whole Damn Thing
As part of the legal battle over the four-game suspension Tom Brady received for his role in the deflation of footballs during the AFC Championship game, the NFLPA filed a number of documents in court Tuesday, including the full transcript from Brady’s June 23 appeal hearing. If you’re a masochist y...

Adrian Beltre Messes With Someone Else, For Once
Adrian Beltre’s frequently the target of his teammates’ antics, usually when he excels, but the Rangers third baseman had some fun as the instigator with Astros third base coach Gary Pettis Tuesday night....

Stun Gun-Wielding Ref Kicked In Face, KO'd By Blow To Back Of His Head
Soccer itself—and lower leagues especially—is prone to a kind of reckless, senseless violence not typically found in American sports. Toss in a heavy dose of Russians to the mix, and what is already often a caustic concoction turns downright toxic....

The NFL's Uniform Policies Are Even More Tight-Assed Than You Thought
Everyone has always known that the NFL’s uniform policy was incredibly strict—this is made clear every time a player is fined for wearing the wrong color or length of socks—but thanks to the documents dumped in the NFLPA’s lawsuit against the NFL, we now know that the policy is in fact a monument to...

The Full Story Of Tom Brady's Destroyed Cell Phone
The biggest revelation from Roger Goodell’s decision upholding Tom Brady’s four-game suspension was that Brady’s cell phone was destroyed shortly before meeting with Ted Wells and his investigators, even though he knew Wells wanted access to the contents of his text messages. Here is how Wells descr...

Highlights Of Tom Brady's Personal Emails, Revealed In NFLPA Lawsuit
Part of the prodigious information dump related to Tuesday’s NFLPA lawsuit against the NFL is a mammoth collection of Tom Brady’s emails, each carefully tagged by an expert as possibly relevant to the Patriots quarterback’s four-game suspension for allegedly manipulating footballs. The relevations t...

Here Are The Emails That Helped Start Ballghazi
Like all great soap operas, it’s easy to lose track of where all the drama began. Here, thanks to the massive amount of paper filed by the NFL player’s union in federal court, is a piece of Ballghazi’s birth, first pointed out by the Boston Globe’s Ben Volin. It’s Jan. 17, 2015, and Indianapolis Col...

Here's The "Integrity Of The Game" Honor Code The NFL Says Brady Broke
For the first time—as far as we can tell—the NFL’s secret honor oath has become public, as part of the NFLPA’s lawsuit over Tom Brady’s suspension. It’s this “Integrity Of The Game Certification” upon which the NFL has hinged its four-game ban on the Patriots quarterback, and yet the text of this ho...

Deadspin Up All Night: Break This Tired Old Routine
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![Here Is The Transcript From Tom Brady's Appeal Hearing [UPDATED]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/1372094296646432659.jpg)
Here Is The Transcript From Tom Brady's Appeal Hearing [UPDATED]
The NFLPA has filed their suit against the NFL over Tom Brady’s four-game suspension in New York federal court today, after their gambit to have the suit heard in Minnesota was rejected. Judge Richard Berman declined to allow the parties to confidentially submit supporting materials under seal, and ...