ah Page 322 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Jeff Teague Saved The Hawks, Only To Murder Them
In their overtime loss to the Celtics last night, just about every member of the Atlanta Hawks besides Paul Millsap played like dogshit. One of the chief offenders was point guard Jeff Teague, who shot a dismal 4-18, and had just five assists to three turnovers. He missed almost every shot as the ga...
Isaiah Thomas's Sons Are The Best, Cutest Hype Men
One of the best things about the NBA playoffs—curmudgeonly reporters be damned—is that players start bringing their kids to press conferences. After Isaiah Thomas scored 28 points to lead the Celtics to a Game 4 victory the Hawks, he introduced sons James and Jaiden to the world. They immediately ma...
NBA Fines Russell Westbrook $25,000 For Yelling "Fuck You!" To A Heckler
Russell Westbrook’s “Fuck you!” to a Mavericks fan last night will cost the Thunder star $25,000, the NBA announced today. That’s 0.15% of Westbrook’s 2015-2016 salary....
Hurricanes Twitter Account Owns Guy So Hard, His Ancestors Weep In Shame
If you have a weak constitution or are unsettled by the sight of gore, you may not want to look at this brutal and graphic Twitter owning....
Petr Mrazek Boner Sends Red Wings Out Of The Playoffs
There are two ways to look at the Tampa Bay Lightning’s game and series-winning goal deep into the third period....
Charlie Villanueva Gets In Nice Underhanded Burn
There was a funny little moment before Dallas’ dramatic Game 2 victory over Oklahoma City, when Mavericks reserve Charlie Villanueva interrupted the pre-game dance routine of Russell Westbrook and Cameron Payne. After the last-second loss, Kevin Durant called Villanueva’s move “fake shit,” and Russe...
Harry The Hawk Crotched Himself
That ugly-ass Hawks-Celtics game was only made less painful to watch by an unfortunate pratfall from Atlanta’s mascot, who will not be fertilizing eggs anytime soon. Keep an eye on Harry’s tightrope routine at the bottom of the screen:...
That Terrible Celtics-Hawks Game, In One Play
The Hawks just took a 2-0 lead in their first round series with the Boston Celtics after a prehistoric, listless game. Avery Bradley didn’t play because of a hamstring injury, Kelly Olynynk missed the game with a shoulder problem, and the Hawks’ coolest player, Dennis Schröder, turned his ankle at t...
The Celtics Just Had The Worst First Quarter In NBA Playoff History
The Atlanta Hawks were held scoreless for the last five minutes and change of the first quarter of tonight’s playoff game against Boston, but that doesn’t matter because the shamrock boys just took a world historic shit and scored only seven points over the entire first period on 3-for-23 shooting. ...
Nearly Perfect: The Chicago Bulls Were Frauds
Children don’t pick their heroes, they gravitate to them. This youthful ignorance is blissful insofar as it frees one to feel that magnetic pull without questioning why it exists in the first place. The Jordan-era Chicago Bulls thus became the team of my childhood without any real reason beyond the...
Noah Syndergaard Throws The Ball So Dang Hard
Big-ass Mets pitcher Noah Syndergaard had a good game against the Phillies last night, striking out eight and allowing just one run in seven innings. He’s struck out 29 jamokes in his first 20 innings of the season, and he’s done it by throwing the ball really, really hard....
Holy Shit, Kevin Durant Was Bad Tonight
Despite being a team composed of Dirk Nowitzki plus some future Guys To Remember, the Mavericks beat the Thunder in Oklahoma City tonight and took back home court advantage in their opening round series. The Mavs have Steven Adams’ slow release to thank for that, as well as Raymond Felton’s chubby e...
Mavericks Down Thunder As Would-Be Steven Adams Game-Winner Comes Too Late
The Dallas Mavericks sunk the Oklahoma City Thunder 85-84 tonight after Raymond Felton of all people carried them in the fourth quarter. Kevin Durant went 7-for-33, but the Thunder had a chance to take the win after Felton missed two free throws with seven seconds left. Oklahoma City got to the rim ...
Vin Scully Patiently Explains Why 13 Isn't An Unlucky Number
It’s storytime with Vin Scully, who is calling his 67th and final Dodgers season. His train of thought directed by an RBI single by Arizona’s Nick Ahmed, who wears uniform No. 13, Scully launched into a recitation of just how much the number 13 means to this great nation—with brief interrupts to cal...
May Noah Syndergaard Never Stop Striking Everybody Out
The Mets lost tonight despite a historically good start from Noah Syndergaard because they’re the Mets and ambitious losses are part of their DNA. They knocked around Jose Fernandez in the first inning, then loaded up the bases in the second only to leave empty-handed. After that, Fernandez straight...
Goalie Scores Improbably Stupid Own Goal
Goalie Mickael Roche somehow scored this own goal in an Oceania Champions League match between AS Tefana (Tahiti) and Nadi (Fiji). If you recognize Roche’s name from anything, it’s probably because he was the poor sap in goal when Spain blasted Tahiti 10-0 in the 2013 Confederations Cup....
Jerry Sloan Says He Has Dementia And Parkinson's Disease
Longtime Utah Jazz coach Jerry Sloan opened up to the Salt Lake Tribune today and revealed that he was suffering from Parkinson’s disease and Lewy body dementia, a form of the disease that effects the body’s neurological system. The Sloans said that Jerry was diagnosed last fall:...
Manchester City Gift-Wrap Game-Tying Goal For PSG
“So far so good for City,” the commentator remarks before the screen cuts to a replay of the goal that put Manchester City 1-0 up on Paris Saint-Germain just minutes earlier. As Kevin De Bruyne’s shot is shown hitting the back of the net again, the Parisian crowd roars. Not because of the replay, bu...
Baseball Is Back And Thank Fucking God
At last, the death-gods have released their cold, icy grip on the United States; the trees are green, the birds are singing, and our greatest sport has returned. While there’s just too much to keep track of in terms of who’s where and what’s what and who’s going to do what and such—FiveThirtyEight, ...
Villanova-Oklahoma Highlights, As Called By Jim Ross Clips From Wrestlemania
Wrestlemania is tomorrow in Dallas, but it was elsewhere in Texas that saw the slobberknockers tonight as Villanova smoked Oklahoma in the first Final Four semifinal. Here are some highlights of the game, as called by “J.R.” Jim Ross’s commentary in Wrestlemanias of the past....