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Real Madrid Are Still Humping The Story That Ronaldo Cost More Than Bale

Of all of Cristiano Ronaldo’s various behavioral quirks, which have brought us so many laughs over the years, one of the funniest and most puzzling is his curious attachment to being the most expensive player alive. When he first came to Real Madrid, the club paid what was then a world record transf...

Ovechkin Spotted Getting Gas To Plow Neighbors' Driveways; Is Unafraid Of Blizzard Because "We're From Russia"

Draw your own conclusions about how and why Alex Ovechkin happened to run into D.C. CBS station WUSA at a gas station. All we know is that the Capitals star had three words in response to a query about whether he’s prepared for the blizzard assaulting our nation’s capital: “We’re from Russia.”...

"Fuck You, Dale" [UPDATES]

Man, Dale’s employers at Metal Works of High Point must really hate him....

Business A-Rod Lookin' Official As Hell

Yo, who’s that businessman doing work in his finely decorated office? Who’s that dude making money and closing deals? ...

The Dos And Don'ts Of Divorce

Roughly 27 months ago, I separated from my wife of 10 years; early last year, our divorce was finalized. In works of fiction, newly emancipated men inevitably spiral into eyebrow-raising excess to evade grief and (perhaps) eventually fishtail toward self-understanding. It turns out that in real life...

Alex Ovechkin Had A Hell Of A Weekend

Capitals captain Alex Ovechkin became the 43rd player in NHL history to reach 500 goals when he scored in the second period against Ottawa Sunday. But that was arguably only the third-coolest thing he did this weekend....

Alex Ovechkin Goes End-To-End To Score Spectacular Overtime Game-Winner

Alex Ovechkin lost his damn mind and went the entire length of the rink real fast to put one past Henrik Lundqvist and give the Capitals the 4-3 win in overtime....

Todd Haley Can't Feel Cold, Loves Wearing Shorts

Todd Haley is a pretty decent offensive coordinator who’s far more famous for being a frothing rage volcano. He’s messed with Rapoport, gotten mad at John Harbaugh over a preseason game, and has feuded with his quarterback. Hell, he pissed off notoriously chill guy Snoop Dogg of all people....

Reporter: I Was Told Not To Write About Gareth Bale's Transfer Fee Because It Would Annoy Ronaldo

Gareth Bale and Cristiano Ronaldo are superstar teammates for Real Madrid. They both cost a whole bunch of money to buy. Bale cost a little bit more. Ronaldo does not like being reminded of this. Here’s proof:...

Real Madrid Scored Themselves A Nifty Little Team Goal

Valencia has one of the best goals allowed records at home in La Liga, but Karim Benzema scored one at the Mestalla this afternoon after combining with Ronaldo and Gareth Bale for a really pretty team move....

Alex DeBrincat Earns Game Misconduct For Spearing

The U.S. is currently taking on Canada at the IIHF world juniors in Finland, and the Yanks will have to play the final two periods without potential NHL first-rounder Alex DeBrincat after the Michigan native delivered his stick blade straight into Flyers prospect Travis Konecny’s gut. Go USA!...

<i>The Revenant</i> Is The Manliest (And Bear-iest) Movie Ever Made

You have two very specific questions about The Revenant, and we’ll get to those, promise. But first, let us discuss the scene where Leonardo DiCaprio, playing a über-badass 19th-century American outdoorsman, flees a party of bloodthirsty Native Americans, rides his horse off a cliff, lands in a gian...

Bismack Biyombo's Terrible Post Move Was Just Too Much For JaVale McGee

Raptors center Bismack Biyombo, as we’ve previously noted, is not the most gifted offensive player. His, uh, skills were on full display last night against the Mavericks:...

Mexican Soccer Team Holds Strange, <i>Star Wars</i>-Themed Press Conference

U.S. international Omar Gonzalez was officially transferred from MLS to Liga MX club Pachuca today. He made a, uh, strange appearance at his unveiling:...

The Incredible Dunk Is Only The First Half Of This Highlight

Jazz shooting guard Alec Burks got his Blake Griffin on whilst raising up to throw one down on the Phoenix Suns last night. This jam was A Jam, to be sure, but the fun doesn’t stop with the dunk....

Report: The Patriots Are Also In Bed With Tom Brady's Shady Fitness Guru

Tom Brady’s relationship with Alex Guerrero is well-documented and wide-ranging: Guerrero is Brady’s body coach, business partner, and trusted friend. He’s also been sued for fraud twice, including for a beverage called Neurosafe that he claimed could prevent concussions, as well as for another drin...

Alex Burrows Apologizes For Chirping Patrick O'Sullivan Over His Abusive Father

Former NHLer Patrick O’Sullivan’s story at the Players’ Tribune, about suffering horrific physical and mental abuse at the hands of his father, is one of the rougher sports reads in recent memory, and an invaluable one for anyone who’s ever wondered what they should do if they witness what looks lik...

24 Winter Beers, Ranked

Winter beer is a slippery category that used to comprise slightly boozy ales brewed with spices and odd grains, but has long since metastasized to include not only those traditional “winter warmers,” but also just about any damn thing a brewery’s marketing department feels like hanging a snowflake o...

Europa League Team Thinks It Can Buy Cristiano Ronaldo, Neymar, And Gareth Bale

Oh, Manchester United. Haven’t we been over this already?...