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Deadspin's College Football Top 25 Or So: Spartan Comforts
It's time for a new installment of Deadspin's college football rankings. As always, the teams are ranked according to the logic and values of college football, no matter how bizarre or contradictory they may be. ...

SprtsCntr: Oh Fuck Off, Trevor Matich
What is ESPN prattling on about right now? We condense your morning SportsCenter to its essence....

Rick Pitino Uses Really Unfortunate Infidelity Metaphor
Rick Pitino's a New Yorker who made his bones in the Big East, so naturally he's upset about Syracuse's and Pittsburgh's ACC exodus. At Big East media days, he had some harsh words for the Judases:...

Here's Chad McGhee Reminiscing About The Charity Wrestling Match He Lost Last Weekend
Chad McGhee's wrestling debut went well Saturday, despite the fact that it "didn't go exactly as I planned." He and his tag-team partner Big Dogg did not prevail. Woe was they....

The Lingerie Football League Hopes Michael Jackson's Daughter Will Help Develop "Future LFL Athletes"
Somehow, somebody at world headquarters of a football league with a fan base comprised, mostly, of dudes who like watching women in bra-and-sport-panties uniforms partake in jiggly rough-housing stroked their inspiration wand and chanted something to the tune of, "We can be an inspirational entity ...

"I'm About Winning": Coach K Wasn't Included In Duke's Auto-Tune Song, So We Made One For Him
Mike Krzyzewski did not partake in DJ Steve Porter's Auto-Tuned "Duke Worldwide" music video, so we went into the Deadspin recording studio (it's called GarageBand and it's probably on your Mac) and mixed one ourselves....

Buddy Ryan's "Polish Goal Line" Defense Was Against The Rules, And That Was The Point
This diagram is supposed to be from the Houston Oilers' playbook in 1993, the one season Buddy Ryan spent as the team's defensive coordinator. It depicts a special goal-line formation Ryan designed for the end of the half or the end of the game—situations in which there were "less than 15 seconds,"...

Duke Basketball Made More Insufferable With Auto-Tuned "Duke Worldwide" Music Video
Midnight Madness took place last weekend. Lots of people do insufferable things during Midnight Madness, and increasingly, they do those insufferable things on camera. This is no longer limited to a drunk sorority girl's iPhone filming from the upper deck, muffled by screams and excited shaking ha...

MLB's Fun Police Bans Dirk Nowitzki From Throwing Out First Pitch At A World Series Game
From Marc Stein: "Sources told ESPNDallas.com that—with the NBA in the midst of a lockout that has spanned 111 days—at least some hesitation stems from the idea that MLB executives want to stand behind their basketball counterparts and have notified the Rangers that they can't bestow first-pitch hon...

Remembering The Best Punt Return That Never Officially Happened
Bears wide receiver/returner Devin Hester—as Drew explained Monday—is the human highlight reel that opponents have to kick to. He gave us a splendid return on Sunday night. But perhaps his best play of the season came on a play when he never touched the ball, on a play that never happened, as far ...

Happy Halloween! Meet The Human Centipede Pumpkin
We here at Deadspin are great fans of the Human Centipede series of films—the second of which hit theaters a week and a half ago. And we're also great fans of Halloween, or something. So when some reader—in this case Adam K., of lovely Wrightsville Beach, NC—sends us a Human Centipede-carved pumpkin...

This Evening: Donovan McNabb, Now Benched, Sitting Front And Center At A Lingerie Football League Game Last Week
Your p.m. roundup for Oct. 18, the day we took dating advice from a gold-digging pole dancer. Video via Busted Coverage. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....

How To Win A 10-Man Battle Royal Inside A Home Depot
Your letters:...

A Brief Dialogue Between Reporter And Athlete That Exposes The Fundamental Hypocrisy Of College Sports (Or Not)
This comes via the Seattle/Tacoma Fox affiliate. Keith Price is the quarterback for the Washington Huskies. Steve Kelley is a columnist for the Seattle Times. The exchange takes place in the aftermath of Washington's victory on Saturday over Colorado....

Occupy Wall Street In Denver Devolves Into One-Man Kansas Jayhawks Rally
Sorry to say, but with both Morrises and Josh Selby off to join the ranks of the 1 percent, OWS's goal of a total overhaul of the American economic system is closer to reality than another deep tournament run for the Jayhawks....

Ozzie Guillen Will Appear On <em>Baseball Tonight</em> Throughout The World Series
It dawns on me that we could play a game with two tentpoles of recent Chicago White Sox squads. We'll call the game "Guillen OR Pierzynski." Said the White Sox drink rally beer during games to get themselves going? (Pierzynski.) Went on a profane tirade after the White Sox lost to Bruce fucking Chen...

THIS GUY Will Be Calling <em>MNF</em> For Another Five Years
ESPN hailed Gruden's contract extension as an "exclusive" one that will keep him in the booth and out of coaching through 2016. Which means we can all look forward to a lot more of this. [Awful Announcing]...

The Stats May Or May Not Show That Dez Bryant Played His Ass Off, But This Photo Does
Your morning roundup for Oct. 17, the day the headline "Used Condom-Collecting Women Charged In Alleged Sex Attack Spree" caught our attention. H/T to Adam for the Dez Bryant photo. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....

This Week In Unintentional Dong Submissions
Kicking off this week's batch of dongmania is J.W from Staten Island who "took my family pumpkin picking this past Monday and we also picked some random gourds up. The picture of the attached gourd has a fine shape and texture. My wife and I named it 'The Harvest Dong.'"...

Presenting A Picture Of Chad McGhee Signing A Young Knox City Greyhounds Fan's Forehead
We'll be catching up with Chad McGhee later in the week to get more details about last night's Knox City Showdown charity event. However, if you can't wait until Tuesday or Wednesday to hear how his bout with Coach Charles "The Animal" Steele went, the good folks at the Abilene Reporter-News were k...