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Deadspin's College Football Top 25 Or So: Lightning Round
It's time for a new installment of Deadspin's college football rankings. As always, the teams are ranked according to the logic and values of college football, no matter how bizarre or contradictory they may be. Starting this week, that includes actual game results. ...

Joe Paterno's Presidential Medal Of Freedom Is Closer Than Ever
Partisan bickering has reduced Washington to a post-Era of Good Feelings, pre-Capra Thunderdome of hurled insults and hurled feces. But not in Harrisburg! Both of Pennsylvania's Senators and one representative are ignoring party lines to send a letter to Barack Obama, urging him to award Joe Paterno...

Grantland Republished David Foster Wallace's Epic 2006 Essay on Roger Federer, And You Should Go Read It Now
The late author's profile, written for the now-defunct Play, "constituted a dream pairing of writer and subject" that "still stands as one of the most stirring, illuminating essays ever written about the beauty of sport at its highest level," according to the Grantland introduction provided by Mich...

Always Clean The Blood Off Your Hands Before You Hook Up
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase three heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....

Football Coach Says His Team "Don't Need No Meows, No Cats" In Presser Of The Year
David Bennett, head coach of the football team at Coastal Carolina, relayed a message for his team in a press conference on Wednesday. We've transcribed it below so that you can more clearly follow his logic:...

SprtsCntr: There Is Only The NFL
What is ESPN prattling on about right now? We condense your morning SportsCenter to its essence....

When The DEA Raided A Texas High-School Volleyball Coach's House, They Found Steroids And Blow
Timothy Todd Porter teaches physics and astronomy and coaches volleyball at Clear Springs High School in Texas. If what Johnny Law says is true, he was also part of a drug-trafficking ring that peddled feel-goods and get-strongers to students....

The Reports Of NFL Special-Teams Excitement's Demise Were Probably Premature
As you can see from this video compiled by new guy Conor Hastings, Darren Sproles of the New Orleans Saints returned a punt 72 yards for a touchdown tonight. Shortly thereafter, Green Bay Packers rookie Randall Cobb did the same with a 108-yard kickoff return. To which Sproles said oh, ok, I'll ge...

Curtis Granderson And The Orioles's Mascot Shared A Moment This Afternoon
It's impossible to determine exactly what Yankees centerfielder Curtis Granderson and the Oriole Bird were discussing during pregame calisthenics....

Deadspin NFL Kickoff
Locked out? LOCKED IN! It's time for America's hardest-hatted working heroes to knock heads, only not to knock heads, because nobody wants Super Bowl MVP Aaron Rodgers to get knocked out of a game (again), right? Here's your Packers-Saints open thread, to go with our semi-cryptic gambling advice and...

Pig Poops On Own Balls (Photo NSFW Because Pig Is Pooping On Its Own Giant Balls)
Adjectives offered by Deadspin staff to describe the pig's balls: Large, weighty, absurd, massive, ponderous, colossal, tumescent, tumorous, pendulous, prodigious, balls heavy with hot pig bloatum. A.J.'s mostly concerned with the eggplant-sized poop. We all wonder if the pig might be sick, and we ...

Fox Sports Canceled The Show That Made Fun Of USC's Asian Students
Fox Sports announced yesterday that it has permanently canceled the show "The College Experiment," which last week aired a poorly-received experiment at USC. We won't miss you, Bob Oschack! [AP]...

Trolling NFL Players On Twitter: A Gallery
A collection of my greatest hits (and a few misses). All tweets were retweeted by the players, unless otherwise noted....

Life Is Crap Without Something To Look Forward To. The Week 1 NFL Jamboroo
Drew Magary's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Buy Drew's new book, The Postmortal, through here. Find more of his stuff at his Twitter feed....

Kid Shoots 20,317 Baskets Over Labor Day Weekend, Is Randomly The Son Of My Eye Doctor
Sometimes we get a tip in the ol' inbox here that speaks to us for personal reasons. Early this morning, one came in about Will Thomas, a 12-year-old seventh-grader in McLean, Virginia, who decided to spend his Labor Day weekend shooting baskets to raise money for the families of the 17 Navy SEALs k...

Here's Chad McGhee With Your Weekly Knox City Greyhounds Update
Saddled with an opening week loss that was blamed on referees and/or improper footwear, the Knox City Greyhounds needed something big to happen....

This Week's Florida Youth-Football Fight Involved A Cheerleader, Her Mom, Her Coach And Two Other Teens
"Yolanda Jones was the only adult arrested after the fight at JC Turner Field in South St. Petersburg. Jones told police she was trying to protect her cheerleader daughter who had come under attack. The coach, who is also Jones' daughter, said she joined the fight too. 'We started fighting, becaus...

Found: Ole Miss Hat Girl Is Hanna Nutt, Coach's Daughter
Ryan, one of our readers, had been captivated by the Girl In The Hat while watching BYU-Ole Miss the other day—so much so that he asked us to assemble the I-Team to learn her identity. And last night, we went to work....

Deadspin Hall Of Fame 2011: It's Time To Nominate The Worthiest
Greetings, sub-humans. It's that time of the year again, when some of the readership would like to recognize those sporty individuals in our small universe of the internet for their accomplishments off the field . Even though the winners will be announced during the SHOTY competition closer to the e...

So <em>This</em> Is Why Black People Don't Play Fantasy Football
As we've seen with our "Life Lessons" segment, some people take sports way too seriously. But none as serious as fantasy football players. Each week, we'll feature some of the whiniest, bitchiest, nastiest, most sociopathic emails from this group of very special people so you can point and laugh at ...