and Page 1001 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Man Dry Humps Cleveland Indians Mascot
The summary of dude's video explains, "He's not wearing any pants. It just seemed right." Dude. Epic move, brah....
Dolphins WR Brandon Marshall's Wife Allegedly Stabs Him, But He Claims He Fell Onto A Broken Glass Vase
As referenced earlier, Dolphins WR Brandon Marshall is in an intensive care unit, where he's recovering from a stab wound to the stomach. Per the Miami Herald, his blushing new bride Michi Nogami-Marshall was arrested last night on charges of aggravated battery with a deadly weapon in a domestic di...
Here's The Scene That Awaited The Orlando Magic's Jason Richardson After Last Night's Pimp-Slap Ejection
Your morning roundup for April 23, the day we hear about how a Tennessee woman's heart stopped beating for five minutes as a Lady Gaga tribute....
So It's Come To This: Mets Fans Wearing Paper Bags
Things are coming to some kind of head in Flushing. Wednesday, fans begin to show up with brown paper bags over their heads, probably the most evocative visual for this team since that Post cover of sad Mr. Met. Even the media started tuning the losses out....
Baseball Advertising Creeps Into Fair Territory
In American sports we pride ourselves on keeping ads off the players, unlike in soccer. But they'll put ads damn near everywhere else: The Padres now have a giant golf club for a rightfield foul pole. Remember folks, if it hits the TaylorMade driver, it's a home run — of savings! [San Diego Union-Tr...
This Is Not Andrew Ference Giving Habs Fans The Finger
Your morning roundup for April 22, the day America went to its room and listened to Smiths records....
Here's Jon Gruden Saying Weird Shit To Future NFL QBs
One reason to bother watching SportsCenter the past few weeks — aside from watching legal baseball highlights, I guess — is the totally bizarre, always somehow informative "QB Camp" series the network has Jon Gruden hosting for a second year. While, like Gruden, we "don't believe half the [expleti...
Let's Help Sarah H. Win $10K
When Sarah H. sent this video, she posed the question: "Can you spot the Ukulele?" Then, she readily admitted her "Another Hitachi Day" cover artistry is nothing but an attention grab. If she gets the most hits of all the entries in some sort of contest, she'll win $10,000 from whatever Hitachiday...
Here Are Some Strange Things NFL Prospects Have To Deal With
Like getting accused of being hungover for a scheduled interview! He was probably just really sick though. But the other guy, he's definitely a Ginger....
<i>NYDN</i>: "Blah blah blah blah rain blah blah blah Niese blah blah Astros blah blah Mets got spanked."
New York Daily News scribe Andy Martino has written a game story that speaks for every fan of the 2011 Mets. What it lacks in rhetorical fluency it makes up for in, uh, truth. This isn't an editing error, although it may look that way at first blush. The Mets have reached the summit of suck....
Jackass Columnist Blames Pitcher For Choosing Childbirth Over Pitching
I'm not a local, so I don't know how much of Dallas Observer columnist Richie Whitt's schtick might be part of his on-air radio personality, but I'm still going to bring your attention to this gem of a column:...
Star Of <i>Fred Claus</i> Points And Laughs At Four-Time NHL All-Star
Your morning roundup for April 20, the day we started buying all of our heroin on Craigslist....
Over At CNN, ESPN's LZ Granderson Takes Aim At American Culture, Whore-Friendly Panties
ESPN.com/ESPN Mag columnist LZ Granderson joined CNN last week, apparently writing a weekly column in addition to his ESPN gig. Why would Granderson need another online platform, one might wonder, especially since his Page 2 pieces often tackle stuff other columnists won't?...
Blood On The Walls: Choice Bits From Blazers Owner Paul Allen's New Book
Paul Allen of Microsoft fame and fortune just published a memoir called "Idea Man." Chapter 14 is about the Blazers and basketball. In it, Allen claims that he beat Clyde Drexler and Kiki Vandeweghe in a game of HORSE. He says his friendship with The Glide affected his judgment and caused him to for...
The Most Deliberate Own Goal You'll Ever See
A week old, but just making the rounds now. From England's fifth-tier Blue Square Premier, a striker is instructed to get back to help cover on defense. With a lob coming his way, reflexes take over, and rather than clear, he volleys it past his own keeper. Poor bastard....
ESPN Will Now Attempt To Be Kind Of Honest About Its Personalities' Endorsements
The ESPN transparency project, otherwise known as the giving of a different name to public relations, otherwise known as "Front Row," released the company's new endorsement policies last week and came out with a list of its commentators' "endorsement relationships" this morning. We documented a fa...
Notre Dame's Explanation For Declan Sullivan's Death Is Conciliatory, Still Not Good Enough
Notre Dame has said and done all the right things in the wake of the death of Declan Sullivan, whose scissor lift toppled over in high winds while the junior student was filming practice. (That's somewhat refreshing in light of their less-than-transparent treatment of the suicide of Lizzy Seeburg)....
MLB Won't Let Us Show You Video Of Justin Verlander's Amusing Balk, So Here's A Fucking Drawing I Did Instead
Justin Verlander had a weird little blooper against the A's on Saturday wherein he stepped off the rubber as if to throw to first but wound up going home anyway, nearly plunking David DeJesus in the process. It was funny. We'd show you the video, but if we did Major League Baseball would get its cri...
Victor Ortiz Versus Andre Berto Round Six: A Lesson In Gameness
Welterweights Victor Ortiz and Andre Berto put it down on Saturday night for the WBC title. It was the kind of fight where you catch yourself yelling at the TV, then step back and marvel that you're yelling at the TV while watching boxing, which gives you flashbacks to when you used to do that sor...
Sean Avery Leaning On His Own Stick Until It Breaks Is Probably A Metaphor For Something
Your morning roundup for April 18, the day a famous surgeon resigned for suggesting that unprotected sex was "a better gift for [Valentine's] day than chocolates."...