and Page 1059 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Patriot Mascot Nabbed In Prostitution Sting
In what can only be described as a shocking lack of Common Sense, Pat Patriot was among 14 people arrested in Providence, RI for "prostitution related crimes."...

Hank Gola Leaves The Yard
It was bound to happen eventually that a blushing sportswriter would pick up his crayons and write something about Tiger Woods so egregiously stupid that it'd make Mark Whicker look like Grantland Rice. Take it away, Hank Gola....

Last Night's Winner: Pirates Fans
In sports, everybody is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like Pittsburgh's baseball fans, who don't have to be alone anymore. Cheering for championships are overrated anyway!...

Madness Is...A 49ers Taquería Mural
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Michael David Barrett Will Be Doing His Peeping In Federal Prison
Erin Andrews' stalker will plead guilty, according to court documents filed today. His attorney says in a statement: "He apologizes to Ms. Andrews, and expresses his deep regret for his conduct that caused her so much pain." [AP, TMZ]...

The IOC Erases History
Remember the women's 100m race at the Sydney games? No you don't. Because according to the IOC, it never happened....

Oakland's Happy Family Just Got A Little More Dysfunctional
Randy Hanson, noted coach punchee, is back working with the Raiders. Even for a historically feckless franchise, this is surprising. Let's look at the possibilities....

Last Night's Winner: Curtis Granderson
In sports, everybody is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like Curtis Granderson, who no longer has to carry the hopes and dreams of a shattered city on his shoulders. Plus, there's less running to do....

Bowden Announces New Endeavor: Holding A Grudge
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Brendan Witt Is Probable (Car Accident)
The Islanders defenseman was hit by a truck while walking in Philadelphia today, but refused medical treatment and will be in the lineup tonight. He also visited the zoo and beat up a gorilla that looked at him funny. [Newsday/TSN]...

Last Night's Winner: Shysters
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like Utah Flash owner Brandt Andersen, who successfully duped 7,500 suckers into buying tickets to his arena by lying about Michael Jordan. It's a living....

Somebody Give The Bulls Credit For Acknowledging The Playground Time Out
John Jackson says that "energy" and "hunger" are what the Bulls lack right now. I'd throw "awareness" onto that list as well. [BallDon'tSKEETS!]...

Greg Oden's Old Vietnam War Wound Acting Up Again
Oden's done for the year after fracturing his patella. (Don't embiggen the picture unless you want to see a man's patella.) Meanwhile, Kevin Durant is averaging 28, 7, and 3. Sorry Portland fans, at least you have...no other teams. [Oregonian]...

Winter Of Discontent: Learning To Love The Vancouver Games
Did you know that the Jordan Palmer of amateur sports, the Winter Olympics, happens this February? It's OK — red-blooded sports fans can't possibly be expected to transition from the rough and tumble to Vancouver's prissy wonderland. Or can they?...

Andy Murray Plays Video Games, Kim Sears Falls Asleep Unfulfilled
No. 4-ranked tennis player Andy Murray was unceremoniously dumped this weekend by ladyfriend Kim Sears. Apparently his "seven hours a day" video game habit was a factor behind the split. We've obtained an EXCLUSIVE TRANSCRIPT of the pair's final conversation:...

English-American Alliance To Be Torn Asunder By Soccer
World Cup 2010 is going to be the Revolution and 1812 rolled into one and deep fried, only like....10,000 times more awesomer. Uncle Sam should lend-lease England a couple extra butts, so there's even more limey arse to kick!...

Having Eli Manning's Autograph More Humiliating Than Losing To Eli Manning
In the catalog of manufactured outrage, it's hard to think of a dumber example than Dallas players somehow being angry at Eli Manning for signing a wall in the new Cowboys Stadium. Plaster has never been so disrespected!...

Michael David Barrett Has A Knack For Hornball Nomenclature
The Feds, serving search warrants at Yahoo! and Google, have gone spelunking for a 42-second video called "Hot Blonde Out of Shower," allegedly uploaded to Flickr by Erin Andrews' accused peeper, Michael David Barrett, aka "Breastboy." [LAT]...

2009 SHOTY Nominee: Erin Andrews
Yes, it is that time of year. (A little late, actually.) We're doing the unveiling of the nominees a little different this year, so pay attention....

<em>Joe Buck Live</em> Still Not Dead
Joe Buck's Cavalcade of Sporting Chit-Chat and Penis Whimsy returns for its third edition next week, and this time he's actually booked a few black people....