English-American Alliance To Be Torn Asunder By Soccer

World Cup 2010 is going to be the Revolution and 1812 rolled into one and deep fried, only like....10,000 times more awesomer. Uncle Sam should lend-lease England a couple extra butts, so there's even more limey arse to kick!

We don't even know who will be on the rosters when the great superpowers collide in the most important fight between former (friends and enemies) since the Trent Affair, but we do have six full months of crumpet-flavored trash talk to keep us occupied. We could spend that time studying game film and actually learning how soccer is played, but we rather talk some uneducated, cross-Atlantic shit.

So what's everyone's first take?

UK's The Sun:

Yanks a lot! Fab draw glee ....ENGLAND are dreaming of World Cup glory after landing a plum draw for next year's finals."

Meow!

U.S. Captain Landon Donovan:

It could have been worse."

Oh, snap!

English Captain John Terry:

It's obviously very exciting with some great fixtures. As far as England are concerned we are familiar with two of our opponents - USA and Slovenia - and know their players well. Hopefully this will help us prepare for those games."

No, he dinnit!

U.S. Coach Bob Bradley:

We feel that this is a group that gives us a real fair chance to move on."

Face!

UK bookmaker Paddy Power:

"Fans genuinely believe England have a chance."

UH-UH!

George Vecsey,

This means the United States has a decent chance to advance to the second round."

OH, POW! How's it taste, England?! Are you ready for this heat, 'cause it don't stop till June! If you just want to forfeit now, we'll understand. You don't want another Saratoga on your hands, do you?