and Page 488 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Sports Were Good As Hell Last Night
When God (or whatever you decide is the name of the invisible being you keep nagging for favors for your favorite sports team) stops letting the nutters run the world and starts listening to the constituents, we will get Thunder-Blazers and Knights-Sharks on a loop that never ends, with a crawl acro...
They Are All Good Shots For Damian Lillard, You Absolute Fool
Damian Lillard pulled up from 37 feet and waved goodbye to the Oklahoma City Thunder. We all saw it. We all lost our minds, and perhaps in a fit of jubilation (or despair, depending on where you live) did or said something we regret this morning. Nobody handled the aftermath of one of the greatest s...
Mallex Smith Just Straight-Up Swatted Austin Hedges's Fly Ball Over The Wall
Not all dingers are created equal. Some rocket out of the park at 118 miles an hour and are never seen again; some are routine fly balls that get pushed a few inches beyond the wall by a helpful wind. Some stay in the yard, like cowards. This one, from Austin Hedges of the San Diego Padres, had no b...
Damian Lillard Eliminates Thunder In Completely Psychotic Fashion
Damian Lillard opened Tuesday night’s Game 5 with a 19-point first quarter, keeping the Blazers close while Oklahoma City made everything thrown even vaguely in the direction of the basket. Lillard finished the first half with 34 points. He opened the second half with an utterly preposterous 30-foo...
The College Basketball Bribery Scandal Might Be Spreading To Football
On Monday, a second trial to deal with the charges from college basketball’s bribery scandal began in U.S. District Court. Former financial advisor Christian Dawkins and former Adidas consultant Merl Code both returned as defendants after being convicted in the first trial, and they are charged here...
Robert Kraft Got A Ban On You Seeing The Hand Job Video, But It Doesn't Last Forever
A Palm Beach County (Fla.) judge gave Robert Kraft some, but not all, of what he wanted today, in regards to video evidence in the New England Patriots owner’s criminal case for solicitation. County Court Judge Leonard Hanser blocked the video from being released by any agencies, saying he was conce...
Alex Ovechkin Had One Hell Of A Wild Night
In retrospect we couldn’t have asked for a better first-round matchup. The Capitals are the more talented team, but they’re also more banged-up and tired. The Hurricanes are younger and hungrier (whatever that means), but also less experienced—which could be a good thing or a bad thing, depending on...
Bar-Hopping Easter Bunny Takes No Prisoners In Brutal Orlando Street Fight
Easter is not just a time to be reminded of Jesus’s miraculous resurrection by the stirring comeback win of Tiger Woods at Augusta. It is also apparently a time for the Easter Bunny to jump into a street fight with bad intentions and land heavy blows on one of the participants, as apparently happene...
The Blazers Really Want Russell Westbrook To Keep Shooting
Russell Westbrook’s jumper has never been his best friend, but the relationship between the two has become particularly standoffish in the Thunder’s first-round playoff series against the Blazers. Westbrook keeps asking his jumper if he wouldn’t mind pitching in this time around, maybe help him adva...
Welcome To The Jon Gruden Show
The NFL Draft is the world’s largest nonsense bazaar, and more tonnage is shoveled in the final two weeks than in the other 50 combined, so when Ian Rapoport tweeted out the other day that Jon Gruden and Mike Mayock sent all the Raiders’ scouts home and did not expect to recall them before the NFL D...
Brett Anderson Had The Best Seat In The House For The Athletics' Chaotically Beautiful Double Play
One of the many things that makes life easier for pitchers is when they have an incredibly talented defense behind them to mop up the mistakes they created in the first place. It’s something that Oakland’s Brett Anderson understands now more than ever since he saw his teammates do just that on Sunda...
The Thunder Really Enjoyed Their Flukey Shooting Night Against The Blazers
There’s no secret as to why Damian Lillard was a little bothered on Friday following his game against Oklahoma City. After winning the first two games at home, the Blazers dropped Game 3 against the Thunder 120-108. But though his team still lead the series 2-1, and he was coming off a solid statis...
Columbus Blue Jackets Affiliate Upsets Tampa Bay Lightning Affiliate In Game 1 Of AHL Playoffs
If you missed the chance to root for the underdog in the Blue Jackets-Lightning series because you understandably believed the more talented team would win, then the AHL has a Great Value alternative for you going on right now. The Cleveland Monsters, a Columbus affiliate, are taking on the Syracuse...
Report: Raiders Front Office Is Paranoid, Preparing To Clean House, Totally In Character
One of the most common misunderstandings about Dumb Guys is that they are not capable of doing things. This is false. They can and in fact absolutely love to do complicated-sounding things like scheme and intrigue. They may not do those things well, and will generally do them in arbitrary and ineffe...
Report: MLB Suspends Tim Anderson One Game For Calling Honky The N-Word
The Royals and White Sox had a brief scuffle Wednesday after Royals pitcher Brad Keller hit White Sox shortstop Tim Anderson in the tush with a pitch in bottom of the sixth inning. The plunking was obvious retaliation for Anderson’s jubilant reaction to a home run he had hit two innings prior, and s...
Florida Grandma Uses Her Softball Skills To Bash Half-Naked Burglar's Head With Bat
A would-be burglar is in jail in Florida, with a gash on his head, after a 65-year-old slugger named Clarese Gainey whacked him on the dome with a baseball bat when he tried to break into her car early Sunday morning. WMC Action News 5 had the story:...
Oakland's Lou Trivino Continues To Do Filthy Things On The Mound
In just his second season pitching in the majors, Lou Trivino is still doing the same nasty stuff from the mound that caused him to have a breakout year for the Athletics in 2018. The late-game reliever has continued to baffle batters with his arsenal of pitches that includes his infamous cutter, a ...
Robert Kraft Got A Ban On Authorities Releasing Video Of Him Getting A Hand Job, For Now
A circuit judge in Palm Beach County has given New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft the temporary protective order he requested—preventing law enforcement from releasing copies of videos that, according to police, show the billionaire twice receiving sexual acts at a massage parlor. Circuit Judge...
Benches Clear After Royals Plunk Tim Anderson On The Ass For Enjoying His Homer
A batter took a baseball to the ass, the benches cleared, and both managers got in each other’s faces in today’s Royals-White Sox game, all because a pitcher was irritated that the batter celebrated his sweet home run....
Russell Westbrook Is Struggling
The sixth-seeded Oklahoma City Thunder were such a popular pick to upset the third-seeded Portland Trail Blazers in the first round of the NBA Playoffs that it’s hardly fair to even call them the underdogs. Only one of ESPN’s panel of 20 analysts picked the Blazers to take the series, and the thinki...