ant Page 388 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Report: The Clippers Desperately Want Kawhi Leonard To Know They Like Him
Kawhi Leonard and the Toronto Raptors will travel to Oakland tonight for a showdown with the suddenly healthy Golden State Warriors. As ESPN’s Brian Windhorst laid out in a report Tuesday night, nobody is more excited to attend the game than a bunch of front-office guys for the Los Angeles Clippers....
More Than You Probably Wanted To Know About The Rules On A Puck Hitting A Ref's Dick And Balls
Just an excellent hockey highlight from Tuesday’s 4-3 Blues win over the Panthers, as St. Louis defenseman Robert Bortuzzo—fresh off of beating the hell out of a teammate in practice—tried to dump in a puck and ended up banking it off of referee Tim Peel’s biscuits, past goalie Roberto Luongo, and i...
Goal Disallowed After Puck Ricochets Off Unfortunate Referee's Dick And Balls
The Florida Panthers are up on the St. Louis Blues by the score of 1–0 in the second period Tuesday night. The score looked for a moment like it would be tied at one goal apiece, after Blues defenseman Robert Bortuzzo beat Roberto Luongo in, um, unconventional fashion:...
World-Famous Atlanta Strip Club Welcomes In A Little-Known Soccer Trophy For Some Booty Dancing
Millions of young boys around the world dream of one day making it inside Magic City, Atlanta’s internationally renowned strip club. Very few of those dreamers imagine it will be success in America’s bootleg soccer competition that will bring them there, but, for dreams, ends matter more than means....
The Bears' Trick Play Was A Work Of Beefy Genius
Last night’s game between the Rams and Bears, a 15-6 victory for Chicago, has everyone talking about the power of the Bears’ defense. And with good reason! When you go out there and throttle one of the best offenses in the league in the middle of a high-scoring era like this one, you deserve to be t...
Mark Sanchez Did Not, In Fact, Know The Offense
Mark Sanchez was responsible for the first touchdown of the game between Washington and New York. Only problem was that it was a pick-six. On a second-and-11 on his team’s one-yard line late in the first quarter, Sanchez’s first pass of the drive was deflected at the line and taken to the house by C...
Atlanta United's MLS Cup Victory Ends Michael Parkhurst's Agonizing Championship Drought
The city of Atlanta has a championship for the first time since 1995 thanks to the efforts of second-year MLS franchise Atlanta United. In front of an MLS Cup-record crowd of 73,019, United defeated the Portland Timbers 2-0 to bring their immaculate sophomore season to a close. ...
Cross Country Runner Faceplants Across Finish Line
Congratulations to Jimmy Gressier, a 21-year-old French runner who defended his title in the Under-23 European men’s cross country championships today. We’d also like to extend our apologies to Jimmy Gressier, the two-time defending Euro cross country champ who many people now know only because he f...
Officials At Army-Navy Needed 8 Minutes To Review A 2-Yard Run
The Army Black Knights held a 10-0 lead against their bitter rivals, the Navy Midshipmen, heading into the fourth quarter of the 119th game between the two academies. Faced with a fourth-and-two situation, and having used the break between quarters to mull things over, Army coach Jeff Monken elected...
Northern Michigan Ices Game Against Rivals With First Goalie Goal In Program History
With less than two minutes left in regulation, the Michigan Tech Huskies pulled their goalie as they attempted to chip away at what was then a 4-2 deficit against their rivals: the Northern Michigan Wildcats. This move gave NMU goaltender Atte Tolvanen the window he needed to make history. Less than...
Sleepy Dad LeBron Got His Rest And The Spurs Paid The Price
Last week LeBron James went on wine-drunk lifehacker Tim Ferriss’s podcast to talk about the day-to-day maintenance of one of the most natural wonders on earth: that is, his body. Among other fine-grained details, James said he listens to the “rain on leaves” sound all night long, and that he sleeps...
Trae Young Doesn't Have To Be The Next Steph Curry<em></em>
The comparisons were inevitable, and are not entirely without merit. Trae Young’s game is built on breaking down the first defender he faces off the dribble and trades on the ever-present threat that he’ll pop off a three-pointer anywhere inside his own end of the court, which is to say that he’s th...
Report: The Warriors Had To Wash Their Hands A Lot
After sweeping the Cavaliers in last season’s NBA Finals, retiring big guy David West gave a cryptic answer about the team facing unreported difficulties behind the scenes, the kind of thing that made their season more challenging than outsiders could comprehend. What’s more, according to West, only...
Bears Take Giants To Overtime With Buzzer-Beating "Philly Special"
It’s been nearly eight months since the Eagles pulled off their brilliant trick play against the Patriots in last year’s Super Bowl, and teams are still having a hard time seeing it coming. Having used all of their timeouts, the Bears had just one more opportunity—and one more yard—to send their gam...
Odell Beckham Jr. Slings Touchdown To Maintain Perfect Passing Record
The New York Giants are continuing to rely heavily on Odell Beckham Jr., even using him to replace Eli Manning at quarterback. On a 1st-and-10 play from the Bears’ 49-yard line, the Giants ran a fake toss play Beckham, who rolled out looking for an open teammate to throw to. After making a quick cut...
Report: School Officials Determine High School Football Players Caught Running Nude With An Oreo Between Their Ass Cheeks Were Not Hazed
School officials from Byron High School determined that the 10 football players who participated in an “Oreo Run” was not a result of team hazing, according to the Rockford Register Star. After nearly 30 interviews with coaches and players, along with some film analysis, they concluded that the play...
Oklahoma's Grant Calcaterra Makes Impressive One-Handed Touchdown Catch To Ice Big 12 Championship
On third-and-ten, from his opponent’s 18-yard line, Oklahoma quarterback Kyler Murray threw a perfectly-placed pass towards the end zone for tight end Grant Calcaterra. With the defender draped all over him, the sophomore was able to muscle away and outstretch his right arm to complete a one-handed ...
Kevin Durant Is Absurd
The Toronto Raptors beat the Golden State Warriors in overtime Thursday night by the score of 131–128. The matchup lost some of its potential juice due to the absence of Steph Curry and Draymond Green, but the basketball itself was terrific. Kawhi Leonard was great. Pascal Siakam was great. Even Ser...
Shithead Soccer Fan Appears To Peg MLS Player In The Face With Trash
In the 22nd minute of the second leg of the MLS Eastern Conference Championship, underway Thursday night in New Jersey, a Red Bulls fan in the front row appeared to peg an item—possibly trash or a cup—into the face of Atlanta United midfielder Miguel Almirón:...
Literal Baby-Name Police Won't Let French Couple Name Their Kid "Griezmann Mbappé"
International tournament success in sports famously breeds joy, babies, and joyfully birthed babies named after the sporting heroes who achieved said success. It’s no surprise, then, that one French couple wanted to name their newborn son after two stars from France’s World Cup victory this summer. ...