ant Page 646 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Someone Should Just Blow Up The Orlando Magic At This Point
In the ongoing Dwight Howard-Stan Van Gundy bitchfest, there is only one true solution: just get rid of everyone. Trade Howard. Fire Van Gundy and general manager Otis Smith. Then sell the team. Until then Orlando will have a superstar who does not want to be there being coached by a coach who does...
FIU Survives The Isiah Thomas Era
Florida International fired Isiah Thomas as head coach today, after three seasons in which the Golden Panthers won 7, 11, and 8 games. On the bright side, there have been no major lawsuits or violations. They have not become the laughingstock of college hoops. The program still exists. I would call ...
Dog Eats Man's Masters Tickets, Man Induces Dog To Puke, Man Pieces Tickets Back Together
That was pretty much the scenario for Russ Berkman of Seattle. Berkman had four tickets to tomorrow's practice round at Augusta National. But his dog, Sierra, ate them, leaving behind nothing but the strings they were attached to. Here's Devil Ball Golf, which wrote up Berkman's interview with Seatt...
Joe DiMaggio's Corpse Has Endorsed A Candidate For Broward County Sheriff
Joe DiMaggio has been dead for 13 years and thinks you should elect Louie Granteed to be Broward County's sheriff. Actually, Granteed got the endorsement of Morris Engelberg, DiMaggio's lawyer and confidante and guy who's been making money off the DiMaggio estate for years. But as the executor of th...
The Fray's Pre-NCAA Title Game National Anthem Performance Was ... Different
While nowhere near as bad as any that made our suggestions for the Worst National Anthem Ever (indeed, if you caught Monica's tone-deaf rendition Saturday, you know it wasn't even the worst of the Final Four) The Fray's attempt at a hipster version of Marvin Gaye's "Star-Spangled Banner" fell awfu...
Antonio Valencia's Screwball Goal Was A Work Of Odd Beauty
A brilliant defensive performance by Blackburn Rovers was ruined when Manchester United's Antonio Valencia sliced in a strike that caught keeper Paul Robinson out of position and floated into the goal. Don't let Robinson's failure detract from the ridiculous spin Valencia put on the shot, though;...
What Is The Grantland Book Good For? A Deadspin Investigation
The second issue of the McSweeney's Grantland Quarterly is out now. For those of you unfamiliar with the title, the quarterly is a $25 anthology of Grantland.com stories you could read online for free. Why take a collection of internet posts and re-publish them on heavy paper stock set between two...
Your Semi-Irregular Update On The Financial Solvency Of Former NBA Stars Turned Train Wrecks
Thanks to the good folks at TMZ, we are able to provide an update on the financial proceedings with respect to both Stephon Marbury and Antoine Walker. It's a little bit of a good news/bad news situation, so let's start with the good news....
Who's Laughing Now: Johan Santana Named Opening Day Starter For New York Mets
Defying all odds, the Mets' prediction of a Johan Santana-pitched Opening Day at CitiField may actually come true. According to Adam Rubin, the Mets and Santana are confident enough to announce he will be the starting pitcher this Thursday....
Ex-Dodgers Prospect Busted In Counterfeit Karaoke Scam
Bill Bene was a top five draft pick of the Los Angeles Dodgers and spent nine years in the minors—never making it to The Show. What's a baseball bust to do once his career ends? Rip off karaoke songs and get busted for not reporting the income on your taxes, of course....
Stephon Marbury, Champion, Had A Semi-Nice Thing To Say About Mike D'Antoni
When Stephon Marbury left the world of NBA veteran's minimums for the Chinese Basketball Association, he vowed to win a title. Two years later, and Starbury is indeed a champion. Knicks fans, look away....
ESPN Headline Writer Unintentionally Encapsulates Grant Hill's Career
To Hill, they're more vital than air and water. [ESPN.com, h/t Jimmy]...
The "Bohemian Rhapsody" Dude Is An Unemployed Home Brewer Who Was Picked Up For DUI
The Smoking Gun has discovered the identity of that guy who fantastically belted out every word of "Bohemian Rhapsody" in the back of a cop car after his arrest. His name is Robert Wilkinson, he's 29, he's unemployed, he's a home brewer, and his unforgettable performance in the back of a Royal Canad...
Meet Bruce Lee, The San Francisco Giants' Red-Tailed Secret Weapon
Anyone who has ever attended a game at San Francisco's AT&T Park knows that it's one of the jewels of the MLB stadium circuit, except for one teensy problem: THE HORRIFIC TRASH-EATING BIRDS THAT COME OUT AT NIGHT AND STEAL YOUR $7 GARLIC FRIES....
Rock Climbing Is So Easy A 22-Month-Old Girl In A Diaper Can Do It
Her toys are strategically placed on the wall, and damnit if she doesn't glide right on up there to get to every one of them. It's incredibly cute, and rather amazing. The video stops before we get to see how she gets down, but she probably just shits herself....
High School Makes Fancy Video Asking Jeremy Lin To Speak At Graduation, Lin Says No Thanks
One of the main duties of New York's Stuyvesant High School's senior class president is to line up the commencement speaker. So, with the help of students and faculty, he put together this video begging Jeremy Lin to be that speaker. (Warning: there's rapping. Of course there's rapping.)...
Arrested Drunk Man Sings "Bohemian Rhapsody" In Its Entirety In Back Of Police Car [UPDATE]
Dude in the video above wasn't happy about being picked up by the Royal Canadian Mounted Police for being intoxicated. The best excuse he can muster is something about "brotherhood of men on the planet earth" before he segues right into singing Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody." In its entirety. He even...
Cheer Up, Lamar Odom And Derek Fisher: Kobe's Going To Bring You Back Home
The Lakers are like a progressive, experimental insane asylum already run by the insane, but then the incarcerated insane take over from the insane running the place, and agree to a power-sharing program where nobody's quite sure which of the insane people are in charge. All of which is to put this ...
Chow Fun: Jeremy Lin Has A Pleasant Lunch With "Chink In The Armor" Headline Writer
Anthony Federico, the former ESPNer who wrote the "Chink In The Armor" headline for which he has been apologizing to anyone who'll stand still long enough, tells Newsday: "We talked more about matters of faith [and] reconciliation. We talked about our shared Christian values and what we're both tryi...
Which Sports Leagues Care If You Call Someone A "Fucking Faggot?"
This here's Colin Clark, a midfielder for the Houston Dynamo. On Friday, Clark was frustrated with a ball boy for not giving him a new ball fast enough. Picked up by the onfield microphones, everyone watching the nationally televised game heard Clark call the ball boy a "fucking faggot." It immedi...