appic Page 136 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Last Night's Winner: Duke (Sorry.)
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like the Duke Blue Devils, who finally got the best of their terrible, next-to-last place catastrophe of an arch rival. Yes, they'll take it....
Last Night's Winner: Steven Jackson
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like Steven Jackson, who will not face charges for allegedly roughing up his pregnant girlfriend. The bad news? He's free to play for the Rams again....
Peyton Manning: Yep, Still A Choker
Before the Super Bowl, two versions of this post were already written. One where Peyton Manning becomes the greatest quarterback ever and one where he comes up just short. I didn't expect to write one where he crashes and burns....
New Orleans Wins The Weekend
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like the City of New Orleans, which overcame the devastation of blah, blah, blah. When does Mardi Gras start?...
Super Bowl Subplot #6: The Aints Go Marching In
You know how fans of bad teams come to games with paper bags over their heads, because they're ashamed to admit they root for a terrible franchise? New Orleans invented that, because they root for the most terrible franchise ever....
Last Night's Winner: Minnesotans
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like Twins fans who locked up their franchise catcher for the next decade. It's not official, but what could possibly go wrong in the final seconds?...
Super Bowl Subplot #4: Dwight Freeney's Ankle
Is it sprained or is it broken? Torn or rent asunder? Will he or won't he? Will it matter if he won't? Wait ... Someone is planning to play defense in this game? FREEEEENEEEEEEEEEEEEY!...
Lance Broadway and Gerald Laird Would Make An Excellent Battery
Major league journeymen sure are punchy this offseason. Former White Sox/Met and current Blue Jay minor leaguer Lance Broadway is being sued for rearranging a man's face at a New Year's Eve party in Dallas. While shirtless, of course....
Super Bowl Subplot #3: A Pro Bowl Like No Other
There are several key storylines that all media outlets are required to discuss in the days leading up to the Super Bowl. We will do our part by beating them into the ground as far as we can....
Last Night's Winner: Clappers
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like those who enjoy giving standing ovations every time they hear something they like. Try this in your regular life today and see how it goes....
Super Bowl Subplot #1: Those Manning Boys
There are several key storylines that all media outlets are required to discuss in the days leading up to the Super Bowl. We will do our part by beating them into the ground as far as we can....
Last Night's Winner: Devan Downey
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like South Carolina's Devan Downey, who out-Walled John Wall and continued to make it dangerous to be the No. 1-ranked team. Cocks....
Last Night's Winner: People Who Don't Play Football
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like athletes who are suddenly going to get a lot more attention now that football season is drawing to a close. You've heard of "sports," right?...
Javaris Crittenton Pleads Guilty To Gun Charge, Gets Probation
The Washington Wizards guard plead guilty to a misdemeanor weapons charge today—as opposed to the felony weapons charge handed to Gilbert Arenas—and will get one year of probation and a fine. Don't worry, it gets weirder....
The Brett Favre Anti-Appreciation Society Wins The Weekend
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like all the Brett Favre haters who got exactly what they wanted at precisely the time they needed. You have two more wishes....
Last Night's Winner: Anti-Tobacco Activists
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like people who can't decide which Durham-area basketball team they hate more. The Tar Heels or the Dukies? Now it's easier than ever to do both!...
Last Night's Winner: Massholes
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like Curt Schilling's boy toy, Scott Brown, who posthumously kicked Ted Kennedy's health care loving butt. This is exactly like the American Revolution, but more annoying....
Last Night's Winner: Non-Number One Teams
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like Kentucky, who will soon be number one thanks to Kansas State, who took care of the last number one. Everyone comes out ahead! (Except Texas.)...
Gilbert Arenas Charged With Gun Felony
Prosecutors have filed one count of felony gun possession against Gilbert Arenas, in what looks to be the first stage of a plea agreement. Police are actively searching for Javaris Crittenton's gun too. [WashPost]...
Jose Canseco Still Wants People To Hear The TRUTH, Dammit
Wasn't it just a short time ago that Jose Canseco said he regretted naming names in "Juiced" and wanted to personally apologize to those he outed? October, 2008, to be exact. However, now that Big Mac's talking, Jose's angry again....