are Page 102 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
My Dad Was The Maxell "Blown Away Guy," Even If I Can't Prove It
When I was little, I was convinced my dad was the Blown Away Guy. I was sure that was my dad’s martini swept up in the audio tempest, my dad’s tie thrashing behind him. The lush-haired guy in that ’80s-dominating ad for Maxell cassettes getting blasted by the music blasting from a pair of JBL speake...
¡Qué Golazo!
Ajax pounded AZ Alkmaar 3-0 today as could probably be expected, led by a brace from Anwar El Ghazi, the first strike of which was this absolute ace....
Classic Man: "What To Do If The Pilot Dies"
Frequently in this space, we will consult a new entry in the 1987 book The Modern Man’s Guide to Life to see how the advice therein has aged. This is our first example, on the matter of air travel. ...
Michael Jordan Victimized By Meme-Wielding Teen
While giving a speech to a gym full of kids at a youth camp, Michael Jordan encountered every 52-year-old man’s nightmare scenario: a teen with a deep understanding of internet memes....
Ole Miss Lineman, Stepfather Drop Mutual Domestic Violence Claims
Ole Miss All-SEC tackle Laremy Tunsil and his stepfather, Lindsey Miller, have decided to drop the charges of domestic violence the two had filed against one another....
No Hops-Having Keeper Lets Pass Bounce Over His Head For An Own Goal
You had three options here, goalkeeper: 1) run out to the incoming back pass and meet it right after it bounces, 2) step back a few steps and take the ball off your chest after it took that towering though perfectly predictable skip off the turf, 3) loiter around in the box and find yourself standin...
Gilbert Arenas's LeBron Scouting Report Is Insane, But Also Perfect
Gilbert Arenas measured up as a rival to LeBron about as well as Ricky Davis did as a sidekick. This is unfair to a player as good as Gil who, had he not self-medicated a torn-up knee with packing tape and a staple gun, would probably be out here killing, since he was a shorter, stronger Jamal Crawf...
How To Get A Cheap Motorcycle And Not Crash It
The problem is, most things are Good in inverse proportion to the degree to which they’re Fun. Broccoli is Good; Bacon is Fun. Taxes are Good; Casinos are Fun. Gyms are Good; Bars are Fun. You get the picture. But assuming, as I do, that all of us must live at least a little, few things are less Goo...
Arena Football TD Celebration An Extended Tribute To The Rock
Tonight the Jacksonville Sharks celebrated a blowout win over Tampa Bay and a berth into the AFL playoffs with a touchdown celebration taken straight from The Most Electrifying Move In Sports Entertainment. And in the no-fun NFL, it would be illegal, illegal, illegal. ...
Pacers Unveil Corny <i>Hoosiers-</i>Inspired Alternate Jerseys
In what will probably go down as the most effective marketing ploy directed solely at white people since the invention of gourmet mayonnaise, the Indiana Pacers have announced that the team will wear Hickory High jerseys—the very same worn by the fictional high school basketball team in the movie Ho...
Bucks Co-Owner Now Works For Governor Who Pushed Through Arena Deal
Last week, the Wisconsin Senate approved $250 million—and at least $174 million more in interest—in public funds to build the Milwaukee Bucks a new arena. The plan was championed at every step of the way by Gov. Scott Walker, who has designs on the White House. His war chest will be administered by ...
Here Are 14 Things You Will Say To Your Kids A Million Goddamn Times
I have three kids. They don’t fucking listen. One day, God as my witness, they will listen. They will stop, turn around, not talk for five seconds, and say to me, “Wow, I never thought of it that way before. Thanks, Dad!” I swear it will happen. I will destroy entire countries if I have to make it s...
<i>Teen Mom 2</i> Is Back: Why Are We Still Watching This Shit?
The sixth season of MTV’s Teen Mom 2 is upon us, disrupting our Thursday nights with the usual turmoil: custody battles, problematic exes, run-ins with the law, souring relationships, and so forth. At this point, the four young stars of the series, who we first met in 2010 on the network’s flagship ...
Wisconsin Senate Votes To Give $250 Million To Billionaires
The Wisconsin Senate voted 21-10 to approve $250 million in public financing for a new arena for the Milwaukee Bucks. The bill will now be sent to the state Assembly for approval. Though the Assembly is likely to pass it, there is still some backroom negotiating and deals to be completed beforehand....
It's Good To Embarrass Your Kids
What good is having kids if you can’t embarrass them? This great mom, who did the same dance at 32 places across Disneyland, totally gets it. Her kids are over it, and she’s loving it, and so am I....
I Don't Really Have Anything To Say About This White Kid's Bad Rap Song
Here is a bad rap song:...
Fat Guy Touchdown Alert!
It’s always big news in these parts when a Fat Guy scores a touchdown, and it happened tonight in the CFL as Ottawa defensive lineman Zack Evans came away with a ball out of Edmonton’s QB Matt Nichols’s hand and took it 65 yards to the maison. It’s not much consolation for the Redblacks, who are get...
Scandal-Plagued Kevin Johnson's Fixers Are Just Making Things Worse
Kevin Johnson’s bizarre campaign to carry out a “coup” against the National Conference of Black Mayors, or NCBM, is looking more and more like his Waterloo....
My Dad's Terrible Child-Care Activities, Ranked
School is out. What the hell are we going to do with these kids? Camps cost a fortune. Sports leagues are a pain in the ass. And who wants to stare at another listless, self-aware gorilla at the zoo? What a downer!...