are Page 165 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Lenny Dykstra, Still Pretending To Understand Stocks
By now, despite what The New Yorker and Bernard Goldberg would like you to think, we generally understand that everybody knows Lenny Dykstra is not actually some kind of financial genius. Apparently not, though: a Forbes magazine investigation has revealed that Dykstra doesn't even make his own stoc...
About Last Night
All those who guessed that the cubicle rampage video was a fake, please come collect your winnings ... • MLB: All hail the walkoff grand slam. Everybody say Uggla! Marlins 6, Phillies 2. • Soccer: Wait, they have Cristiano Ronaldo, and Pepe? How can Portugal ever lose? • NFL: I Am Legend ... Will Sm...
Call The Kids, It's Another Profanity-Laced Tirade!
Ah, to return to the halcyon days of March 31, when the Mariners were 1-0 and all was right with the world. But today they're 18 games below .500, having lost four straight and 12 of their past 15. The latest, a 4-3 5-4 loss to the Angels, prompted manager John McLaren to spew some choice profanitie...
About Last Night
What you missed when the police took the plasma TV from your prison cell ... • MLB: The Radhames Liz Era has begun. Orioles 5, Twins 3. • NHL: Red Wings' explanation for Game 5 loss to Penguins: It was the refs' fault, of course. • Womens softball: How could you pitch to Kaitlin Cochran? Fools! Ariz...
Ron Artest Is Taking This Journalism Business Quite Seriously
There are many adjectives you can use to describe Ron Artest, but a couple more you want to add to that list are "fair and balanced."...
Your Monday Update On The Player Who Was Traded For Bats
No matter what John Odom does from here on out — make it to the majors; get multiple World Series rings; become Pope — he will always be remembered as the player who was traded for bats. It happened last week, as Odom was sent from the Calgary Vipers of the Golden League to the Laredo Broncos of the...
To Watch Tonight
What to watch while keeping your opinions to yourself......
Never Again Will I Trifle With Nightmare Shark
It looks like we're back in commission (I think, I hope) after a nice 20-hour ravaging by, uh, well, I'm not quite sure. Nibbles might have been frightened off by the shark photo. Look, it's involved, confusing stuff. They only pay me to post dick jokes and monkey pictures....
The Size Of Zyg Gregorek's Boat Is Just Fine, Thanks
If you're searching for the world's greatest fisherman look no further. And here I thought it was the guy on the Gorton's fishsticks box. Anyway, a British angler has caught nine species of shark, including the great white, which led some international organization of big-game fishermen to dub him t...
ESPN's Featured Comment Of The Day
ESPN scoured its message boards this morning to find its cleverest, boldest, most enlightening comment, and chose this one above all others ......
Mariah Isn't Even The Worst
The famous Cincinnati mayor Mark Mallory is still probably the worst, though his endless "jokey" PR campaign about it took a lot of the fun out of it. If we ever had to throw out a first pitch sometime, we'd be so nervous, we probably wouldn't do much better. We wonder if celebrities can just start ...
Julian Tavarez, Still Crazy, Still Losing Stuff
Next month, we'll be heading to Fenway Park to see our Cardinals play the Red Sox. We've been trying to calm our parents down; they're a little afraid Boston fans will come after them for wearing Cardinals garb. We don't think so. Cardinals fans and Red Sox fans have always gotten along well, thanks...
Worst. Spider-Man Sequel. Ever.
I've always thought that this was an urban myth, but no, apparently it really exists. A couple of observations about this old Electric Company TV classic episode of Spidey Super Stories: 1. Why is Spider-Man relegated to the Shea Stadium bleachers? He doesn't at least rate a box seat like Seinfeld? ...
It's Possible Some Bay-To-Breakers Participants May Be Gay
The main reason I no longer attend the San Francisco Bay to Breakers Race; someone has turned the freak dial way too high. Although, I should point out that the group pictured here actually ended up winning the race, beating a Kenyan runner by 22 seconds (may not be true). And while this photo may b...
Boston Little League Crushes Rogue Parent, Keeps Nation Free For Democracy
A seven-year-old Boston area Little Leaguer was benched for two games recently when his mother didn't show up for her scheduled shift at the league snack bar. The Freetown Youth Athletic Association levied the penalty on the child due to his scofflaw mother, who claims that — get this — she had to w...
About Last Night
What you missed while leaping onto the Bob Barr Presidential bandwagon ... • NBA: Why Don't We Do It On The Road ... Celtics lose again in Cleveland, evening series 2-all. • MLB: Nick Adenhart gets his first major league victory, then is promptly sent to the minors. Angels 10, White Sox 7. • NHL: Oh...
About Last Night
What you missed while realizing that making fun of names is just too easy sometimes ... • NBA: It's Pau Gasol who's been carrying the Lakers all season, so why is it Kobe's back that hurts? Jazz 123, Lakers 115, OT. • MLB: Big Hurt ties Cal Ripken in all-time RBI; Athletics rough up Rangers. • Colle...
To Watch Tonight
What to watch while wishing you had Dumbo's mom......
Anti-Meth Ads, Sports Style
So you know those terrifying Montana anti-meth ads that were recently taken off the air?. Well, in an inspired bit of dark whimsy, The Great Barstoolio had put together a sports compendium of the ads....