as Page 1047 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Simone Biles Cruises To A Win In Her Return To Competition
Simone Biles won four gold medals and a bronze at the 2016 Olympics, solidifying her position as the greatest female gymnast of all time. Those wins came at the end of an Olympic cycle that saw Biles completely dominate the sport by winning three consecutive world all-around titles, four straight na...
Jimmer Fredette, Of All People, Explodes For 41 Points In TBT Contest
Jimmer Fredette made his presence felt early and often against the Fort Wayne Champs in The Basketball Tournament Friday night, playing for, I kid you not, Team Fredette. The 10th pick in the 2010 NBA Draft exploded for 41 points and wreaked havoc from beyond the arc, shooting 6-for-11 from downtown...
Craven Columnist: Various Circus Clowns Say Jimmy Garoppolo Should Not Date A Porn Actress
Several great-grandparents were deeply scandalized this month by the revelation that 49ers quarterback Jimmy Garoppolo had dinner with porn actress Kiara Mia, despite it being 2018 and there just being nothing lamer than wringing your hands over the social life of a fucking football player....
Outfielder Carlos Gomez Takes Mound, Pitches Exactly Like Non-Pitcher
The position-player-as-pitcher trend continues piling up numbers at a record pace. Three more position players took the mound Friday night; the total across MLB is now up to 45, by far the most ever for a full season, and it’s still July. One of the recent unfortunate fellows was Rays outfielder Ca...
The Rockets Are Now Equipped To Run It Back
The Rockets have won their contract standoff with restricted free agent center Clint Capela. Four weeks after he balked at Houston’s five-year, $90 million offer at the start of free agency, Capela made the decision to not sign the meager one-year qualifying offer, and inked a long-term deal in Hous...
Wildcats Fan Accused Of Illegally Hacking Restaurant's Cable Package In Order To Watch Arizona Basketball While Dining Out
Towards the upper end of a sliding scale measuring sports fanaticism—past painting your chest with your team’s logo on the day of the big game; in the range of meticulously pre-arranging the particulars of your burial, to serve as a final and eternal tribute to your team—there’s committing felony id...
Dez Bryant Is Going Off On The Cowboys And Sean Lee
How are you spending your Friday evening? Free agent wide receiver Dez Bryant is spending his ripping the Cowboys—most notably shithead VP Stephen Jones, linebacker Sean Lee, and offensive tackle Travis Frederick—to shreds....
Giants Fans Lustily Boo Josh Hader In First Road Appearance Since Racist Tweets Surfaced<em></em>
Last night in San Francisco, Brewers reliever Josh Hader made his first road appearance since a trove of gross tweets he wrote as a teenager were surfaced during the All-Star Game. His home fans in Milwaukee feted him with a standing ovation when he took the mound for the first time after apologizin...
Malcolm Jenkins Calls Jerry Jones A "Bully" Who's Intimidating His Players To Stand For Anthem
Even though the NFL and its players’ union agreed this month to negotiate a better national anthem policy and not enforce the wholly unappealing one introduced in May, the Dallas Cowboys are going their own way. Team owner Jerry Jones said this week that he expects all his players to stand for the a...
Lance Armstrong Begins His Second Act
Now that Lance Armstrong is out from under the federal fraud case against him, he’s started to more fully step into the public eye, a process which was always going to be fraught with contradictions for someone as famous and reviled as Armstrong. He seems done with being a world-class asshole, thoug...
Simone Biles Makes The Absurd Look Routine<em></em>
Simone Biles is set to return to competition this weekend at the U.S. Classic in Columbus, Ohio. And in the podium training session today, she showed that she’s set to pick up right where she left off at the Olympics—by winning everything in dominant fashion with incredible skills that virtually no ...
Looney Tunes Characters, Ranked
Who would do this? And why? Drew Magary would, was the thing, and was gonna, and I’d rather die than let his rankings speak for the site and wind up with history recording that the place where I work said “R&B/Soul” was the second-best Looney Tunes character of all time. So we turned it into a scien...
Mariners Demand $180 Million In Public Funds Or They Won't Sign Long-Term Lease
The Seattle Mariners have issued an ultimatum: Give them $180 million in taxpayer money for their 19-year-old stadium, or they won’t sign a long-term lease....
Actually John Wall Looks Great
As you may have heard, all of NBA media, and indeed pretty much all of the western world, came together yesterday to deride Washington Wizards all-star guard John Wall for, uh, proudly refusing to conform to our culture’s rigid expectations of what a successful professional male athlete must look li...
Phillies Go Yard Seven Times, Allow Us To Remember Some Guys
The Phillies scored five runs in their final five innings—one in each frame—to pull away from the Reds for a 9-4 win and extend their lead in the NL East to 2.5 games. The youngest team in baseball appears to be no fluke, or at least, they’re starting to be confident they’re not, which is maybe sort...
Aaron Judge Fractured His Wrist But Stayed In Long Enough To Hit A Single
Aaron Judge got plunked by a fastball up and in on Thursday, suffering a “chip fracture” on his right wrist. He will be out a minimum of three weeks, according to the Yankees....
Cubs Acquire Cole Hamels, Continue To Be Lucky Sons Of Bitches
The Cubs notched their 33rd come-from-behind victory of the season on Thursday, the most in the Majors, with a three-run ninth inning to beat the Diamondbacks, 7-6....
Kevin Durant Continues To Be Very Not Upset About His Tiff With Podcast Host C.J. McCollum<em></em>
Reporters, smelling blood in the water, caught up with Kevin Durant at a Team USA practice in Las Vegas to find out whether he was upset after a testy online exchange with Trail Blazers guard C.J. McCollum. First it appeared that Durant was playing dumb, but it soon became clear he was using advance...
Dude, John Wall, Whoa
Team USA Basketball Camp starts today in Las Vegas, which means of bunch of the top American basketball players get to hang out under the watchful eye of Gregg Popovich—and also, apparently, one massively exhausted party animal will be there too. The Wizards tweeted out a picture from the camp that ...
The Oakland A's Pulled Off Yet Another Stupidly Fun Comeback
The Oakland A’s are seemingly incapable of winning in a boring fashion. The team has spent the last week finding outlandish ways to victories, such as winning two straight walk-offs against the dreaded Giants, coming back from an eight-run deficit to win by three, and hanging 15 runs on the poor Ran...