as Page 2009 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Here's Video Of A Ball Boy Kicking A Mascot In The Groin
When the Eugene Emeralds hosted the Boise Hawks in a classic short-season Class-A baseball affair on June 18, somebody in the Emeralds organization had the bright idea to call it "Blue Balls" night. Part of the event included mascot "Doug Fir" playing a game of musical chairs with the ball boys, a...
Carmelo Anthony Is The Panda Whisperer
Melo is traveling across Asia on a Nike promotional tour, and as we all know there's nothing to do in China but pose with disoriented panda cubs on your lap. Look at that thing! Its little paws joined in supplication, its little panda cloaca (or whatever) splayed to the world. Panda doesn't care abo...
The Million-Dollar Monaco Fender-Bender
Mercedes, Ferrari, Porsche, Bentley, Aston Martin — five great tastes that don't go together when you smash them all together like a little kid playing with toy cars. Of course this went down in Monte Carlo, which combines all the pretentiousness of Vegas with all the pretentiousness of France....
A Poem For Albert Haynesworth, Composed Solely Of Media Descriptions
Awful Albert, Abysmal Albert: Attitude-afflicted wash-up. Massive and huge and fat and lazy and difficult....
Yet Another Green Man Eludes Capture At A Minor League Baseball Game
For the record, the Battle Creek Bombers defeated the Madison Mallards 4-1 in some Northwoods League minor-league baseball action on Wednesday night....
This Is What It's Like To Sit Near Big Yankees Fan Michael LaPayower In The Bronx
When Jake Bertanza went to last night's Yankees game, he might have expected that CC Sabathia would pitch a lovely game, but he certainly could not have known he'd end up sitting a few seats away from Michael "Big Yankees Fan" LaPayower and his videographer brother....
Rest In Peace, Guy Who Enthusiastically Sold Peanuts At Mariners Games
Rick Kaminski, a 67-year-old man who provided a memorable part of the baseball experience to crowds at the Kingdome and Safeco Field in Seattle, died of complications from a brain aneurysm yesterday. He was known as "Rick the Peanut Guy," and he'll be missed....
Gilbert Arenas Has A Special BlackBerry Messenger Category For "Best At Fellatio"
"My new avi is how my bbm is set up so to all my ladies. Figure out where u are!! haha" He's changed his avatar since, but we really, sincerely hope that the one person listed under "Girls I respect" is his mother. [via TBJ, @agentzeroshow]...
Colby Rasmus Is Thrilled That Obama Isn't President In Canada
With Rasmus moving north of the border, Joe Sports Fan thought it would be a good time to unveil this undated photo of Colby making his political views known in the most effective way known to man — via t-shirt. So in a way, Rasmus is like everyone who's ever bitched that if an election didn't go th...
Did Andres Blanco Make Adrian Beltre Sit In His Fart Cloud? Oh, Yes, He Did.
And this is why you have to love regular-season baseball. We showed you the highs several minutes ago, but there are lows, too. Such riveting lows they are....
Chase Utley's Inside-The-Park Homer Is Better Than Anything That Happened In Your Game Tonight
The best part (or worst, if you're a Braves or Mets fan) of all of this is just how excited the crowd, and the announcer, gets. It's late in the game. Philly's already up 5-1, over the Giants, whose 3.62 runs scored per game is the worst among all division leaders. Philly's also got the NL East sa...
Brian Orakpo Is A Company Man, Although He Probably Shouldn't Be
Brian Orakpo can't quite find the words he's looking for. But the words he did give us help explain why the players didn't get more in the just-ended labor standoff....
Pac-12 Releases A Highfalutin Hype Video That Arizona State Students Won't Be Able To Understand
We've provided here the full transcription of the purplest and most thesaurus-dependent prose to ever grace a promotional video for a college football conference. College football is back, you guys. Let me rephrase that: college football is back with "an avant garde redesign of the competitive bal...
The First Rounder Who'd Rather Play For The Long Island Ducks Than Sign With The Astros
The Astros are high on UConn outfielder George Springer, who they took last month with the 11th overall pick. How high? He's got some wondering if Hunter Pence isn't now expendable. But the deadline to agree to terms is August 15th, and Springer spent his weekend on Long Island, meeting with the GM ...
Guess Who Arrived First For Broncos Practice Today?
At 8:01 this morning: "Tim Tebow. Of course." [@AdamSchefter]...
What The NFL Could Learn From A Soccer Match Played At One Of Its Stadiums Last Night
Last night, Real Madrid closed out an undefeated American tour with a 2-1 win over the Philadelphia Union at Lincoln Financial Field, the home of the Philadelphia Eagles. The MLS side ceded those goals early. The scores were impressive, the type you'd expect from a world powerhouse....
Tour De France, Stage 21: A Bloodless Conclusion To A Bloody Race
The last stage of the Tour de France is designed to make you forget all those times that Grand Tour cyclists come off like persnickety bitches. It's a day of good feelings. A gentleman's agreement obtains whereby no one attacks the yellow jersey, and there's champagne to sip along the first few kilo...
Kansas City's MLS Team Compiled Laughable, Stereotype-Filled Video To Introduce Its Canadian Opponent
This introduction video, via KCKRS, is perhaps the greatest semi-official compilation of cheap Canadian stereotypes known to man....
Watch A Nine-Year-Old Kid Make A Pretty Awesome Catch During A Little League Game
This young man named Jayden makes the type of running-dive catch that gets major leaguers on a slow day's top-plays countdown and lands 9-year-old kids on a top-prospects blog....
This Pre-Race Prayer Might Actually Be The Most Redneck Moment In NASCAR History
Perhaps NASCAR, its Nationwide Series especially, looks like an extended redneck highlight reel, but last night's race in Gladeville, TN offered us one of the redneckiest moments you'll ever see. It came in the pre-race prayer—which, I suppose, duh—but we were so riveted that we shall now thank th...