as Page 2279 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
About Last Night
What you missed after being arrested for having Wii in your pants ... • NBA: Celtics stubbornly refuse to give up plan to win all home games, lose all on the road. Boston 88, Detroit 79. • NFL: No salary cap in 2010? What could possibly go wrong? • MLB: Now that Lacckkkkey's, back in toowwwwnnn ... ...
Breaking: Russia Years Ahead Of Us In Remote Control Flying Penis Technology
Garry Kasparov’s love-hate relationship with technology continued on Saturday, as the former World Chess Champion was buzzed by a remote controlled flying penis during a political speech in Moscow. As reported by Gizmodo yesterday, Kasparov seemed bemused by the brief encounter, which ended when an ...
Could This Be The End For Our Pedro?
First off, all of you Mets fans who are saying "Pedro who?", just stop it. Pedro Martinez, who is on the verge of returning to New York's starting rotation, says that this season might well be his last. And you don't know it now, but you'll miss him when he's gone. Yes, you will....
The End Of The I'm Not Gay-Era Is Official
Mike Piazza, arguably the best hitting catcher of all time, has finally concluded that his services as a very expensive designated hitter have passed him by. He's officially retired from baseball and released this statement via his agent: "After discussing my options with my wife, family and agent, ...
Shocking New Developments In The Yankee Stadium Jinx Story
Viewers of MSNBC's Countdown are aware of host Keith Olbermann's scoop last night that a second Red Sox item is apparently buried somewhere beneath the concrete at the new Yankee Stadium. The same construction worker who buried a David Ortiz jersey in cement at the new stadium (which was dug up on A...
About Last Night
What you missed while observing just another typical day in Arkansas ... • NBA: Tears on Bourbon Street as Spurs dump Hornets, 91-82, in Game 7, to earn date with Lakers. • NHL: Red Wings beat Stars 4-1 to advance to finals. Um, hey ... where's the riot? • MLB: Albert Pujols clouts two homers, puts ...
Some Reports Suggest That The Romo/Simpson Unholy Union Still Lingers
After all of the confidential sources proclaimed last week that, yes, Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson may have possibly ended their shameless romantic relationship for the betterment of all mankind, it appears that there was a temporary reunion for the sake of Ashlee Simpson's shotgun wedding to the e...
John Tomase Spared Any More Online Ridicule For Now
After last Friday's awkwardly (if not sincere) apologizing to readers of the Boston Herald, Patriot fans, Patriot front office, Bill Belichick, Pat Patriot and anyone else who's ever been remotely affiliated with the team, Rams walkthrough bumbler John Tomase did receive a little bit of grace from t...
Are The Brewers Going To Fire Ned Yost Today? One Fiesty Little Blog Says Yes
A small political site called Badger Blogger reported late Sunday that Ned Yost is likely to be fired by the Brewers this afternoon. Badger Blogger says it's unconfirmed, but they have it from a source "close to the team." A blog called Badger Blogger has sources? Cool. The Milwaukee Journal-Sentine...
ESPN's Featured Comment Of The Day
ESPN scoured it's message boards this morning to find its cleverest, boldest, most enlightening comment, and chose this one above all others ......
Yankee Stadium Looks To Be Going Down Without A Fight
Just to follow up on what Rick was saying earlier ... we don't think we're gonna have much reason to write about the Yankees too much longer. Once that All-Star Game is over, and we'll just have the Yankee Stadium elegies ... and then we can all go back to our lives. The Yankees looked deader than ...
Mets Live Again After Feeding On Yankees' Corpse
Those who live there would know better than I, but doesn't there seem to be a weighty, menacing cloud hovering over the Yankees these days? That's your last-place New York Yankees, who lost to the Metropolitans, 11-2, on Sunday to complete a two-game sweep. Is Oliver Perez supposed to be beating Chi...
About Last Night
What you missed while watching the topless news ... • NBA: The crowd down at Cheers are still celebrating this one ... except for Norm, who's in the crapper. Celtics 97, Cavaliers 92. • NHL: Bow before our flightless, herring-breathed overlords. Penguins 6, Flyers 0. • Auto racing: I misunderstood ....
To Watch Tonight
What to watch while warming up the grill for a cheese race... • MLB: New York Yankees vs. New York Mets. Yep, plenty of erections in Bristol tonight. [ESPN] • Movie: Knocked Up. That's way too many chairs for one room. [HBO] • Sports Movie: Bang the Drum Slowly. Shouldn't there be a Hornets game ton...
Jelena Is Excitable
Jelena Jankovic defeated the unseeded Alizé Cornet in straight sets to retain her title in the Italian Open before celebrating with a bit of champagne....
Don't Mess With the Johan
Johan Santana wasn't exactly perfect, but he gave the Mets enough to top the Yankees in the Subway Series. The Mets ace, who could have been a Yankee for the right price, surrendered three home runs but he improved to 5-2 on the season thanks to his teammates. Billy Wagner took the cellphone out of...
About Last Night
What you missed while checking out the Icelandic Phallological Museum... • MLB: Boston is back within a few percentage points of the Rays following a day/night sweep of the Brewers. • Cars: Kasey Kahne backed into NASCAR's All-Star race via fan voting and then won the whole damn thing. Fans are smar...
Jayhawks Believe They're In the Clear
Darrell Arthur probably shouldn't have been eligible to play for Kansas, but the school's Athletic Director doesn't seem to be too concerned with any ramifications. Jim Marchiony told the Witchita Eagle that he "can't see this affecting Kansas or Darrell Arthur," because the player's high school tr...
About Last Night
What you missed while wondering what set off everyone's obsession with anal fisting... • MLB: The Rays beat the Cardinals, but don't worry about Will, he's drunk. • NBA: In the night's one playoff game that didn't totally suck, the Lakers knocked the Jazz out of the playoffs. So yes, it is possible ...
Game Called On Account Of Jellyfish
Enjoy it while you can, Marlins fans. Your team may have won two World Series titles and is currently in first place in the NL Central East, but things have a way of evening out (Dontrelle Willis calls it karma). According to a study cited in the Orlando Sentinel, the polar ice caps are melting at s...