as Page 981 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
White Sox Sign Shitty Player
The Chicago White Sox did their part to keep the hot stove warm enough that you could put an oven mitt on it, then come back 10 minutes later to find it mildly toasty and perhaps worthy of being ranked as a warmth, by announcing the signing of shitty outfielder Jon Jay today....
Las Vegas Police Have Put Out A Warrant For Cristiano Ronaldo's DNA
As first reported by TMZ and further elaborated on by the Wall Street Journal today, the Las Vegas Metropolitan Police Department have issued a warrant for Cristiano Ronaldo’s DNA in connection to the department’s investigation into the 2009 incident between Ronaldo and Kathryn Mayorga, in which th...
SB Nation A's Blogger Let Go After Tweeting About Wanting Kyler Murray To Get "Critically Injured"
Last night, A’s fans got the bad news that the team’s most recent first-round pick, Heisman winner Kyler Murray, will likely be pursuing an NFL career instead of joining the Athletics’ minor league system. Many fans were bummed out by the news, though baseball writer Jen Rainwater of SB Nation’s A’s...
Report: Nick Young Stole Man's Phone And Hit Him In The Dick And Balls At A Car Wash
Nick Young’s lone NBA action this season was a four-game cup of coffee with the Nuggets. He scored nine points and got waived shortly before the new year, though it appears he’s still getting shots up....
Arizona High School Ref Fired For Asking If Basketball Team Had Their Green Cards
Tuesday’s freshman boys basketball game in Arizona between Walden Grove High School and Pueblo High School got off to a racist start when, before tipoff, an official asked Pueblo’s coach if his players had their green cards. You know, that charming little regional joke about how a predominantly His...
Brewers Improve Team Through Novel Strategy Of Spending Money On Talented Player
After a long, icy stretch in which the most noteworthy signing was probably Troy Tulowitzki, the hot stove finally flashed some sparks on Wednesday night, as the Milwaukee Brewers got out their checkbooks to pick up a top-notch free agent. Former Los Angeles Dodgers catcher Yasmani Grandal is moving...
I Regret To Inform You That Stephen A. Smith Is In A Feud With The Arizona Cardinals
Stephen A. Smith is constantly whapping back and forth between the poles that make up his on-air persona: entertainer and dummy. At the latter, it can be really bad, like when he’s breaking down a matchup by citing three different players who are no longer with the team, or much more harmfully, lett...
The Bucks Just Provided The League With A Blueprint On Stopping James Harden And The Rockets
Like with any of the NBA’s elite players, teams can often extrapolate victories from limiting the damage a player is capable of doing in lieu of expecting to stop them entirely. This was the case in the Milwaukee Bucks’ 116-109 victory against the Rockets on Wednesday night. Not only was the team ab...
Don't Slap The Floor Against Luka Dončić<em></em>
Luka Dončić has very quickly gone from that player who puts up great stat lines in the face of losses, to that young star whose performances can inspire his team to victory. Most of that comes from his unique experience when compared to the other rookies in his class. His time playing in Europe has...
Report: The Oakland A's Are Preparing For Kyler Murray To Enter The NFL Draft
Another wrinkle has been added to the most important will he/won’t he saga involving a college athlete in quite some time. Heisman Trophy winner Kyler Murray is expected to declare for the NFL draft on Sunday, according to a report from the San Francisco Chronicle. The Oakland A’s, who drafted Murra...
Jets Hire Adam Gase In Hopes Of Going 7-9<em></em>
The New York Jets’ head coaching search has reportedly come to an end with the selection of perhaps the most boring name on the market. Despite a list of potential candidates that included exciting assistants like Kansas City’s offensive coordinator Eric Bieniemy or hotshot Cowboys d-backs coach Kri...
What's Wrong With North Carolina's Nassir Little?
Twelfth-ranked North Carolina pulled off an impressive and highly entertaining 90-82 road win against 15th-ranked rivals NC State on Tuesday night. The breakneck UNC squad is off to a 2-0 start in the ACC, and looks like a team that could be both fun and dangerous in March. With the exception of the...
Dumb Little Pissbaby Trevor Bauer Got In Trouble And It's Going To Make Him So Mad He Can't Tweet About This Blog<em></em>
Less than three hours after tweeting “I’ve done nothing wrong,” Trevor Bauer sort of admitted it was wrong of him to harass a 21-year-old woman on Twitter for days and days....
Montrezl Harrell Is Undersized And He Is So Strong
In the Los Angeles Clippers’ wonky lineup, Montrezl Harrell stands no taller than Danilo Gallinari and Tobias Harris, the sharp-shooting forwards he often shares the floor with. As one of the league’s shortest fives, Harrell has learned to compensate with the subtle and little-known technique of bei...
P.K. Subban's Niece Is An Elite Sports Baby
The Nashville Predators whupped the Maple Leafs 4-0 on Monday, thanks to a shutout performance from Pekka Rinne, a deflected slapshot goal from P.K. Subban, and, most importantly, some expert motivational dap-ups from Subban’s niece, Angie. They couldn’t have done it without Angie, as three of the f...
Royals Employees Were The Ones Playing Mario Kart On The Kauffman Stadium Jumbotron
The Kansas City Chiefs host the Indianapolis Colts in this weekend’s playoff matchup, so Kansas City’s KCTV5 sent a helicopter out to get aerial shots of the city’s football stadium before the game. What the cameras ended up seeing was much better than shots of a 50-year-old stadium could have ever ...
Injured Soccer Player's Foot Run Over By The Medical Cart Meant To Rescue Him
Some soccer videos require hundreds of words to describe their true beauty and resonance. The passing angles are dissected to the nth-degree, or the trajectory of a free kick is gushed about as the work of art it truly is....
There's Nothing To Say About What Andrew Wiggins Said That's Not Conditional<em></em>
Andrew Wiggins went off for 40 points on the Thunder last night in a lively game that featured 32-year-old interim coach Ryan Saunders getting his first win and Thunder guard Dennis Schröder getting ejected for shoving. Wiggins was asked about Schröder’s ejection after the game, and he either said, ...
Bring Back Good Fast-Breaks
The Wizards were down by like 32 points last night, and I was watching old NBA highlights, as I, an extremely old person whose brain has been turned into a Slurpee by worms, am wont to do when it probably would be smarter and more productive to do blogs instead. And it occurred to me that a fast-bre...