at Page 2157 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Even Your TV Can't Believe How Poorly The Vikings Drafted
From the program description on AT&T U-verse digital TV, the nameless captioning robot torches Christian Ponder, or perhaps Minnesota personnel guru Rick Spielman. [h/t Brian and Brendan]...

Royal Wedding Wins Race
Hours after simpleton Middleton and doubly-crowned Prince William wed today, a horse named Royal Wedding won the 5.30 steeplechase at Fontwell, Sussex by three lengths. If this was fixed, it was at a great cost: bookies are predicting a multi-million pound payout, because everyone the world over bel...

Of Pomp And Circumstance
Look, I know you're sick of this, but I think it's worth noting even for the millionth time just what kind of big, dumb spectacle we all watched slackjawed on our stupid televisions: an overhyped and overproduced orgy of excess and inexplicable weeping presided over by a pious relic that perpetuates...

Year Of The Pitcher Dies Premature Death, Aged 29 Days
What some were already calling the second straight "Year of the Pitcher" in baseball came to an abrupt end yesterday, as bats exploded into craziness around MLB....

A Good Old Fashioned Pussyblock!
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase three heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....

Deion Sanders May Have Found A New Football-Playing Host Upon Which He Can Attach
Your morning roundup for April 29, the day "special cookies" in zip-lock freezer bags got real....

More Baseball Fans Care About Andre Ethier's Bowels Than Chipper Jones's Switch-Hitting Prowess
In tipster Zachary P.'s estimation, the difference between Andre Ethier's hit streak and Andre Ethier' shit streak is minimal. It is....

Here's Video Proving An Australian Rugby Player Didn't Stick His Fingers In His Cousin's Ass
Jeremy Smith and Kalifa Faifai Loa are cousins. They also both play rugby in Australia. During a recent Cronulla/North Queensland match, Faifai Loa was on the ground with Smith atop him. That much is clear. Here's what isn't clear: Whether Smith slid his fingers up his cousin's ass....

An Exclusive Interview With Tommy Craggs About The Bill Simmons "Grantland" Project
Approximately one month ago, Deadspin Senior Editor Tommy Craggs was approached by several fine folks involved in Bill Simmons' then unnamed editorial project, which we now know, thanks to Richard Deitsch's Twitter account, is called Grantland. ESPN issued a press release soon after that report and...

God's Gift Commits To St. John's
St. John's has secured a commitment from God's Gift Achiuwa, a juco All-American. Steve Lavin now has the third-ranked recruiting class for 2011. Who would win in a name-off: God's Gift or Godspower? [ESPN]...

Here's How Gary Neal's Buzzer-Beater Sounded To San Antonio
The Memphis Grizzlies announcers left something to be desired (mainly, any commentary whatsoever) after Gary Neal tied the game at the buzzer last night. Here's what it sounded like on the other side....

Gloria Allred Had A Rather Erotic Press Conference Yesterday (Mildly NSFW)
Gloria Allred held one of her public shaming events yesterday. She brought a family of four to her Los Angeles office to call out Roger McDowell, the Atlanta Braves pitching coach, for using "homophobic words and sexually suggestive vulgar behavior" in the presence of children:...

<em>Madden</em> Gets in Trouble for Outing a Team's New Uniform
EA Sports uploaded - then quickly yanked - a YouTube video teasing Madden NFL 12 Madden junkies love to pick these things apart for clues about this year's new features. In so doing, they also found the Buffalo Bills' new… [Kotaku] ...

Figure Skater Gracefully Elbows The Shit Out Of Her Partner's Face
At the world figure skating championships today, Canadian Eric Radford took the full force of his spinning partner's elbow to the face at the start of their routine. The graceful attack came at the end of a triple Lutz-twist lift, which is apparently a thing that people know about — and even with ...

Yankees Accidentally Leak Personal Info Of 20,000 Season Ticket Holders
The New York Yankees accidentally distributed a file containing information on more than 20,000 season ticket accounts. The spreadsheet contains account numbers, names, addresses, phone numbers, and email addresses, and was mistakenly sent to thousands of current clients....

Livan Hernandez Is Wrapped Up In Puerto Rican Drug Dealer's Octopus Tentacles, Claims Awesome Graphic
Nationals pitcher and '97 World Series MVP Livan Hernandez is implicated in a case involving Puerto Rican drug kingpin Angel Ayala Vázquez (alternate titles: "Angelo Millones," "El Buster"). But he's not alone: El Vocero handily details all nine men compromised by the lawsuit and entangled in "los t...

Obama Released His Birth Certificate In The Face Of Unrelenting Pressure From Tommy Tuberville
Tuberville, appearing Tuesday on Sean Hannity's TV show: "We've got enough controversy going on in this country. I don't know why he wouldn't just step up and say, ‘Here it is.' Obviously, there's got to be something on there he doesn't want anybody to see." [Lubbock Avalanche-Journal]...

Patrick Kane Needs A Drink
Your morning roundup for April 27, the day we let the idiots drive the national agenda....

Here's Your MLB Play Of The Season As Ryan Raburn Assists A Home Run
That's Detroit's Ryan Raburn with the Cansecoesque slap assist on Miguel Olivo's fly ball to left. Ryan, you have joined the immortals. [MLB.com]...

Dear Roger Goodell: This Is What A Typical NFL Career Looks Like
Roger Goodell recently took to the pulpit to debunk the popularly held notion that an NFL player's career lasts 3.5 years. The truth, Roger says, is that if you make an opening day roster as a rookie, your career will last almost six years; if you get drafted in the first round, it's nine years; and...