at Page 2242 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Saying Goodbye To Guru, With That Weird Tom Gugliotta Mix
This video was posted on Saturday but after today's news, it's a bit more poignant (but no less preposterous). Listen to Gang Starr's "Peace of Mine" and think about the good times we had. RIP, Guru....

Shaq Lip-Syncs To That One Rick Springfield Song, With Puppets
Shaquille O'Neal loves to have fun, and fun is what you get when you mix Shaq, puppets, and Rick Springfield's "Jessie's Girl." The only thing missing is a Chinese man named Cosmo lighting some fireworks. [Ustream]...

Sexy White Sox Bathroom Sex Horror Story Brought To Life Through Magic Of CGI
The story of Dr. Paul Nemeth inadvertently bringing his 6 year-old son to a live sex show at a White Sox game was the stuff of speculation. It left many questions unanswered, like "Did anyone throw their pants Mean Joe Green style?"...

Warning: The Washington Nationals Do Not Advocate Lady Punching
Despite the obviously incomplete picture portrayed in this fraction of a drawing, the Washington Nationals baseball club would like officially go on the record as being against slugging unsuspecting women in the back of the head. That's a relief....

It's White Supremacy Night At Safeco Field
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Family Rushes To Vomiting Fan's Defense In Eminently Quotable Fashion
Now I'm no Perry Mason, but I'd say that if your defense rests in part on there being a distinction between a right person and a wrong person on whom to ralph, your case is lost already....

Ryan Leaf Used To Be Carried In The Arms Of Cheerleaders, Part 782
"If I'm going to be the biggest bust, I have to own up to it. I used to go to bed at night hoping somebody else like Heath Shuler might magically leapfrog me on those all-time bust lists."[LAT]...

Anyone Want A Photo Of David Aardsma's Penis?
The Mariners closer has allegedly taken a nude photo of himself and sent it to someone via cell phone, and now one enterprising individual wants to find it a suitable home....

An American Player Lands A Haymaker, And Chinese Basketball Has Its Kermit Washington Moment
In Game 2 of the CBA finals Sunday night, Xinjiang Flying Tiger Charles Gaines, of Southern Mississippi decked Guangdong's Du Feng in apparent retaliation for a headbutt. The freakout has already begun, if Google translation is to be believed....

Lone, Courageous Voice Rises In Praise Of Boston Sports
National columnist Lil' Dan O'Shaughnessy introduces us to a sleepy Northeastern burg that you probably don't know the name of, but actually has several professional sports franchises! (Ergo, they are also the best.) Oh, brother.... [SI]...

A New Big Ben Exposure Story: “He Had A Gray Penis"
Plenty of ladies these days have a story about unwanted exposure to Ben Roethlisberger's penis. Here's an account we received from reader Running Man Territory Dan. It's unverified and possibly totally fabricated. Still, A GRAY PENIS?!...

It's Domestic Violence Night At Nationals Park
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogs to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Apropos Of Nothing, Here's Phillies Vomit Kid Doing Madonna Karaoke
Mean-spirited? Yeah, a little. Only tangentially related to sports? Sure. But fuck it. Here's Matthew Clemmens (stage name: Pukemon) with "Material Girl."...

Robert Lee Will Sell You A Mobile Home, Terrify You
What does saying "a bouncer in Birmingham hit me in the face with a crescent wrench five times" have to do with selling mobile homes? Not a thing, but I'll be damned if Robert Lee isn't a great pitchman. [YouTube]...

Your NBA Playoffs Open Thread
Will Bulls-Cavs be half as good as Bulls-Celtics? Will the Atlanta Hawks learn to "Fear the Deer?" Can the Celtics shake off some half-season rust and stop Los Heat? Will the Nuggets rally in the name of their ailing coach?...

Stories That Don't Suck, With Special Guest Host
Today, our pal Alex Belth, proprietor of Bronx Banter, is taking the reins. He's selected four stories for your enjoyment....

No Signs Of Intelligent Life At Yankee Stadium
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

End Of The Line For The MSU Thong Thief
The Michigan State student who was arrested after stealing 79 pairs of women's panties denied that he has a sex addiction. It's clearly just a comfort thing, and makes him feel pretty. [AP]...

Have You Seen This Man’s Penis? GREAT MOMENTS IN DRUNKEN HOOKUP FAILURE
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase four heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....

Scott Stapp Ruins America
Scott Stapp, not content with making you hate music, God, and baseball, has decided to ruin America for everyone, too. Here he is, doing unspeakable things to our country's national anthem....