at Page 2293 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

This Man Will Not Defecate For Less Than Your Annual Salary
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Michael Beasley's Dad Says He Has Some Serious Issues
Now comes word that Michael Beasley's rehab stay has been planned for a year, and is unrelated to his latest Twitter-related meltdown. What does this teach us, other than that this kid has long-term issues? His father has some ideas....

FIU To Boycott Cancer Benefit Unless They Don't Have To Play Mean Old UNC
I believe Oddjack would have set the odds of Isiah Thomas causing controversy at Florida International at 0.5 games into his college coaching career. If you took the under, you are a winner....

At Last, A Carl Monday Video That Will Never Be Rubbed Out
For too long, the video of wanking correspondent Carl Monday's investigation into the activities of Mike Cooper's right hand has been subject to the whims of copyright enforcement. No longer. Here it is, brand spanking new, archived for all eternity....

Cohort Of Talented Mr. Roto Allegedly Fornicates At Ben Hill Griffin Stadium
"I mean this literally. I snuck in to the stadium, with a girl, and fucked her on the goal line of the south end zone. Right below the goal posts, underneath the national championship signs." WWTTD? [IHopeTheyServeBeerInHell]...

What Mysterious (And Heroic) Injury Is Tim Tebow Hiding?
Tebow missed practice! TEBOW MISSED PRACTICE! Something about a stiff back, which shouldn't be a problem for a running quarterback with weak mechanics. But it doesn't matter because he's a walking M.A.S.H. unit that you cannot keep off the field....

And Now A Look At The Actual Brett Favre Goat Tied Up In The Lady's Trunk
Finally, you can put your photoshopping skills to rest — the comically cruel Brett Favre goat video has been released to the local news. Yes, the goat, although tied down, is still alive in these photos. [WCCO]...

Goats Are The New Mutton
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap....

Why Do Japanese People Squint?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution has a theory. Something to do with the sun always being in their eyes? That's why its on the flag right?...

Why Your Team Sucks: New York Giants
Some people are fans of the New York Giants. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the New York Giants. This 2009 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group....

Everything Is Not Super Cool For Michael Beasley
It seems the tattoo and dime bag photo of Michael Beasley was just the tip of his breakdown-filled weekend that started with some depressing Twitter messages and ended with him in rehab....

Favre-esque Goat Led To Slaughter In Trunk Of A Car
Mechanics in Minnesota were slightly alarmed this weekend when a woman came in for a new fan belt and then announced that she had a live goat—that was also a effigy of Brett Favre—in her trunk....

One More Columnist Boldly Proclaims That Vince Young Is Not A Good NFL Player
Although Vince Young schizophrenically told Esquire he'd be enshrined in the Hall of Fame and the next black quarterback to win a Super Bowl, it appears only his mother and the voices inside his head believe him....

Kansas State Blogger Knows A Lot About Hating Kansas State
The Wichita Eagle hired a new writer to obsessively blog about Kansas State athletics. Unfortunately, some Wildcat fans have a problem with the fact that he's actually a Kansas grad. But at least he has experience badmouthing Manhattan!...

Florida Is Number One, And It Isn't Close
The preseason AP College Football Poll has been released, and the Florida Gators are number one in the nation, by the widest margin in the poll's history....

Ochocinco Wants to Fight Berto, WBC Champ Guarantees A Beating
Chad Ochocinco has spent a few months of his off-season time training in boxing gyms, and now he's talking about launching a pro career. He's gone so far as to call out WBC Welterweight champion Andre Berto....

Interview: Patton Oswalt, Robert Siegel Explore The Sadness Of Big Fandom
Big Fan follows an obsessive fan who meets his favorite player in a strip club and ends up having to choose between his loyalty and the law. These days, it's a scenario that most NFL fans can relate to....

Why Your Team Sucks: Seattle Seahawks
Some people, Like Ufford, are fans of the Seattle Seahawks. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Seattle Seahawks. This 2009 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group…...

Chipper Jones' Death Ranch Claims Another Victim
A illegal immigrant was found dead on the Texas property owned by the Larry Jones family. (It's eight miles from the Rio Grande and 124 degrees. Do the math.) Unrelated: The Braves have hired new hitting coach Anton Chigurh. [Journal-Constitution]...

Boston Stands At Attention For Patriots' Opener
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap....