at Page 2294 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Big Ben Hurt; You May Commence Panicking
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Jericho Scott Redux
"Some parents contend that a 13-year-old youth football player was kicked off his team because he's too good of a player." Sigh. [The Indy Channel, True/Slant]...

The Five-Star Columnist Is Unamused By Your Homophobic Taunts
Mike Lupica's ego is to sportswriting what Milton Berle's cock is to comedy. It is an occupational totem, around which colleagues spin fantastical-seeming yarns that just so happen to be true. Here are a few such tales....

Book Excerpts That Don't Suck: "On Rocky Top"
The mighty Clay Travis returns to the Muertospin to show off the Big Orange fruits of his labor. Read the excerpt, then buy "On Rocky Top", then chat with him down below....

Insensitive NFL Sells Brett Favre Dog Jerseys!
OMG, you guys! Can you believe the Minnesota Vikings are such cold heartless bastards that they would profit off the pain of animals by selling personalized dog jerseys! It's almost like they don't care how ridiculous your pets look!...

How To Get A Woman To Start Thinking Divorce At Her Wedding
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

The Wit And Wisdom Of James Coley
James Coley is Florida State's tight ends coach and recruiting coordinator, not to mention a prolific Twitterer whose prose style evokes both Cobra Commander and a fortune cookie that wants to kill you. Can u FEEL it?...

Brett Myers Just Can't Stop Being An A-Hole
The Phillies cantankerous pitcher Brett Myers is attempting to bounce back this season to inject life into the team's depleted bullpen, but first he has to let his eye socket heal after it landed on a fist....

Nick Schuyler Explains What Went Wrong
The lone survivor of the boating accident that took the lives of three football players gave his first news interview since being rescued from the waters of the Gulf of Mexico in March....

Why Your Team Sucks: Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Some people are fans of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. This 2009 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group....

Bookies Have A Good Feeling About This Florida Team
The Florida Gators are a 73-point favorite in their home opener against Charleston Southern. You will never see a gambler work harder to find a parlay. [Wiz of Odds]...

Don Ohlmeyer Addresses Roethlisberger Story, Learns What "Ombudsman" Means
Former NBC executive Don Ohlmeyer actually opened his first ESPN ombudsman column by reciting the definition of "ombudsman" from the dictionary. And also like a bad graduation speech, he takes way too long to get to the point....

They Lost The 'Devil,' But The Rays Are Still Goth
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Nate Robinson Arrested, Trial By Twitter
The Knicks star was busted Tuesday afternoon for a minor technicality. No biggie. But it might have died there if not for that slayer of giants, leveler of playing fields, tattler to the stars: Twitter....

The Greatest H-O-R-S-E Shot You'll See All Year
That's K-State guard Denis Clemente doing a credible impression of the Bird/Jordan "Nothing But Net" McDonald's commercials....

Words That Cris Carter Shouldn't Use During Live Television
me·shug·ge·neh (m-shg-n) or me·shug·ge·ner (-nr) adj. Crazy; senseless.n. One who is crazy. [ESPN/YouTube]...

Apologies For The Delays But There Is A Troublesome Dong Infecting Gawker Media
I've been told it has something to do with Dr. McSteamy's wang(NSFW) clogging up Gawker's publishing system. I'm just quoting from an inter-office memo circulating around. As you were....

Welcome To The Suck
So we have Viking fans storming Winter Park. We have ESPN following Brett Favre's black SUV via helicopter....

Even The Wives Of Nationals Players Are Miserable This Year
On Sunday, the NY Post did a shlocky rundown of the Yankee queen bees. WaPo did a similar piece on the DC baseball wives, who are far less glamorous and happy. [WaPo]...

Nationals Sign Strasburg At The Buzzer; Anti-Boras Demagoguing To Begin Shortly
The Nationals locked up the best pitching prospect ever with 77 seconds to spare, and Scott Boras once again nudged the whole draft right up to the point of going tilt....