aw Page 410 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Yesterday: The Greatest Catch That Never Officially Happened Of The NFL Season
There hasn't been much to be happy about recently in Kansas City, save Todd Haley's beard. Yesterday the Chiefs lost to Tim Tebow, who completed but two passes all day, and his third-string running back, Lance Ball....

Here's The Law That Lets McQueary And Paterno Off The Hook
On Sunday, Pennsylvania Gov. Tom Corbett appeared on NBC's Meet the Press to talk about the "mandated reporter" child abuse law that did not mandate any reporting to state agencies by Mike McQueary and Joe Paterno. The two men merely told their superiors, thereby satisfying the minimum requirements ...

Joe Paterno's New D.C.-Based Lawyer Is Named "Wick"
OK, now the Penn State scandal is ready to be made into a John Grisham novel. Joe Paterno has officially hired a lawyer, and it's not just any lawyer, but a guy named J. Sedwick ("Wick") Sollers from the firm King and Spalding. He went to Princeton, naturally. Is it me, or did it just get waspy in h...

Just When You Thought Humanity Couldn't Go Lower, Someone Steals Shawn Bradley's Bicycle
When Shawn Bradley returned to his suburban Salt Lake City home, he found his barn door open and his Trek bicycle gone. Bradley is "upset" and "frustrated" and "dumbfounded," mostly because the bike is custom-made for his height and there are probably eight people in the world who would even be able...

How PSU Administrators Could Escape Prosecution For Failing To Report An Allegation That Jerry Sandusky Raped A Boy
In a story today, the Legal Intelligencer points out the loophole through which Tim Curley and Gary Schultz—Penn State's athletic director and former vice president of business and finance, respectively—will likely try and escape prosecution on charges they failed to report allegations that Jerry S...

Penn State AD Tim Curley Will No Longer Receive Award For Nation's Top College Athletics Administrator
Penn State athletic director Tim Curley—currently on an administrative leave as the investigation into Jerry Sandusky's alleged child abuse continues—was awarded with the nation's top honor for a college athletics administrator back in June. The National Football Foundation (NFF), which administers ...

Gamblers Beat Delaware With Math
Why you gots to pick on Delaware, bettors? Delaware never hurt no one. They were the first state. They don't charge income sales tax. It only takes like 20 minutes to drive through on your way to more important places. And now you're all gaming the system to bet NFL games, even though you're not tec...

Persian Awakening In Perry Hall: Uptight Mullahs Forced To Reverse Decision On Soccer Team's Bernie Dance
Yesterday, we brought you news that the Grand Ayatollah of Perry High School in Maryland had cancelled the boys varsity soccer season after players did the Bernie on the field. The dance was deemed "unacceptable" by the Grand Ayatollah, who also goes by the name Principal George Roberts....

The Official Who Breaks Up A Hockey Fight Will Sometimes Get Punched In the Face. Twice.
Your morning roundup for Nov. 4, the day we finally had it up to here with hugging. Video of hockey fight via Cosby Sweaters; H/T to Alicia. For an excellent GIF of Cal Clutterbuck's punch, be sure to check out West Coast Digress. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....

Uptight Mullahs Punish Soccer Team For Gyrations They Deem Indecent
No, not the Iranians. The Patch site for Perry Hall, Maryland, reports that the principal of Perry Hall High School shut down the boys' soccer team after the players celebrated a playoff victory by doing the Bernie on the field. Principal George Roberts declared that because of the dance exhibition,...

Mark Cuban's "Fuck You" Legal Brief Gives Him The Win In Ross Perot Jr. Lawsuit
Back in June we brought you the story of Mavericks minority owner Ross Perot Jr.'s lawsuit against Mark Cuban, accusing Cubes of "mismanaging" the team. Cuban's legal team response was simple yet elegant: a photo of the Mavericks celebrating their NBA title....

Why A Former ESPN VP Filed A Pre-Emptive Lawsuit Denying He Masturbated In Front Of Erin Andrews
Last month, ESPN announced it was eliminating its bi-coastal, 25-person Content Development department, which was responsible for the network's 30 for 30 series, among other things. The head of the group, Keith Clinkscales, ESPN's senior vice president for content, development, and enterprise, left ...

If You Knock On Her Door At 6 A.M., Serena Williams Will Retreat To Her Panic Room
"Serena Williams fled to the panic room in her Los Angeles mansion when she mistook a sports association drug tester for a dangerous intruder." Also notable: Serena Williams has a panic room. [NY Post, via TMZ]...

Here's West Virginia's Lawsuit Against The Big East, Which Is "No Longer A Viable And Competitive Football Conference"
On Friday, West Virginia announced that they're heading to the Big 12, which was a poorly kept secret. So poorly kept that the Big East has been preparing a lawsuit to force them to honor the terms of their agreement: that departing schools must stay in the conference for 27 months before leaving. T...

Paul Bissonnette Is: Hacksaw Jim Duggan
That's a brave, brave costume for the Coyotes tough guy, from the same team Halloween party that brought us the latest blackface costume debate. More importantly, how did the real, out-of-shape Jim Duggan walk around in briefs for a decade and none of us thought twice about it? [Twitter]...

Arizona Is Once Again Responsible For A Batshit Crazy Late-Night Play
Pac-12 football has long been the viewing domain of East Coast drunks and insomniacs, Midwestern degenerate gamblers looking to recover the day's losses, and Pacific coast... football fans. And it's often the home to the weird, the wild, and the stupid, which is exactly what happens here as Arizon...

The Kansas Jayhawks Are Ranked Number Two In Quidditch Heading Into The World Cup
Point being, we cannot wait to see how Bill Self blows this one. [Kansas City Star, h/t Ryan]...

23-Year-Old NBA Player With One Losing Season Under His Belt Says He "Can Be Better Than Michael Jordan"
Jordan Crawford, the 23-year-old guard who has played in a single, 23-59 NBA season: "'I don't tell nobody, but I feel like I can be better than Michael Jordan,' Crawford said, without the slightest hint of sarcasm. 'When I'm done playing, I don't want people to say, Michael Jordan is the best playe...

LeBron's Big Bang: Flywire Me To The Stars
This is a new regular feature in which we'll take a look at recent sneaker releases....

Try To Guess How A Youth Hockey Team Used Water Bottles In Their Hazing Ritual
The Neepawa Natives are a Junior A team from Manitoba, and they have a very unique way of welcoming rookies to the squad. The CBC had a pair of whistleblowing parents on yesterday (in silhouette, because the MJHL is serious business), and they spilled the beans on a frank-and-beans-heavy tradition....