aw Page 412 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Minor League Team Hands Out LeBron Championship Rings, And Yes, They're Non-Existent
You know you done goofed when they're making fun of you in Peoria. The Cubs single-A affiliate was planning on honoring the 1990s Chicago Bulls teams on Thursday night, but they decided on an additional giveaway....
Serena's Comeback Tally: One Win, One Smashed Racket, And Almost A Broken Nail
Serena Williams knocked off Tsvetana Pironkova in the first round at the Eastbourne Tennis Tournament today, 1-6, 6-3, 6-4. There were two very good signs in the scandal-stirrer's first return to professional tennis in over a year: the first was that she won, despite a rough first set, and the sec...
104-Year-Old Woman Celebrates Birthday At Tigers Game, Wastes Her Life
Her birthday was actually last month, but that game was naturally rained out. So yesterday Mary Johnson braved the 50-degree temperatures to take in her first Tigers game since 1936. The Tigers lost, of course....
Ron Artest Is A Trooper When Confronted With Possums, Falcons And Snakes
Here's a clip from Thursday's Jimmy Kimmel Live, the Joy Division to Grantland's New Order, involving a prank pulled on Ron Artest. (It's okay, since Artest's 2010-11 season was a prank he pulled on Laker fans.)...
Patrick Kane Does Something Really Nice
PK showed up at a 10-year-old fan's floor hockey birthday, because he's an all-around decent guy. See Patrick? We love you! Please come back to us, Patrick. [Chicago Tribune]...
Is This Shawn Marion Calling LeBron James A Bitch?
Your morning roundup for June 8, the day you were warned not to follow purveyors of dong shots on Twitter. Video via tipster John....
This Has To Be One Of The Best Police Sketches In Art History
Make fun of La Eace's artistry all you want. That's fine. Immature, but fine. Just ask yourself first: Would anybody who's ever seen that chap not recognize him instantly, thus saving the 75-year-old woman who was "abducted in broad daylight from a busy open-air shopping mall parking lot" in Crestv...
Dan Snyder's Latest Media Blitz Makes Everyone Look Like A Simpering Ass
Dan Snyder doesn't do many interviews. The reason: When Dan Snyder opens his mouth, he embarrasses himself. The Redskins owner appears comfortable only when speaking in sound bites about how his blood runs "burgundy and gold." So it came as a surprise last week when Snyder sat down with the DC aff...
Lance Armstrong Wants TV Show To Say It's Sorry
"In a letter sent Wednesday to CBS News chairman and '60 Minutes' executive producer Jeff Fager, lawyer Elliot Peters said the May 22 segment about Armstrong was built on a series of falsehoods, and he accused the reputable CBS show of sloppy journalism." [ESPN, PDF of letter here]...
You Can Still Buy Atlanta Thrashers Season Tickets
Not 15 minutes ago, I called up the Thrashers and inquired about season tickets, of which there are plenty still available. And the nice lady who answered the phone was more than willing to take down my credit card information to put in my deposit. This despite the minor detail that the Thrashers ar...
FC Barcelona Proved They Were The Best Team In All Of Professional Sports Yesterday
Your morning roundup for May 29, the day Roger Ebert inexplicably gave two thumbs down to those who blatantly allowed two eyes to check out two foreign boobs....
Look, Someone Asked Tim Hardaway About Joakim Noah's Potty Mouth
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: Hardaway minces words....
Shawn Marion Is Inexplicably Making A Reality Show Pilot
"The Matrix" must have let his nickname go to his head. Because he's filming a reality show that no soul could possibly want to see....
Satirical, Non-Libelous Dan Snyder Group Fiction, Part IV: Cooke And Bligle Jim Escape To The Potomac
Here's your daily link to Dave McKenna's brilliant "Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder," which we'll be posting until Dan Snyder's dumbass libel suit chokes on a crab puff at a cocktail party. (For those of you keeping track, this is "We Are All Dave McKenna CX.")...
Kobe Wants More Of A Say In Who Will Be The Lakers' Sideline Prop
The Lakers are reportedly set to hire former Cavs coach Mike Brown to succeed Phil Jackson. Actual coach/GM Kobe Bryant is said to be "surprised" by the news because he expected to see L.A. assistant Brian Shaw promoted to the position and was "not a part of the decision-making process." [SI]...
All The Unkind Things Bill Simmons Said About His Colleagues In The ESPN Book
One of the most interesting characters to emerge from the ESPN book is the formerly inscrutable Bill Simmons, if only because we've never heard him be so (openly) self-aware before. He again whips out the big swinging dick in some more excerpts....
Who Wants To Publicly Shame Some Gnome-Happy Brewers Fans?
The Brewers and the Milwaukee Parks Department teamed up to hide 1000 of these little Bernie Brewer gnomes along the Lakefront, with the public free to take one if they found it. Well, some folks got there at 3 a.m. and started taking as many as their cars could hold. And of course, they're selling ...
MLB Will Probably Ask Us To Remove That George W. Bush Foul Ball Video, So Here's A Shitty Drawing I Made
You can watch it here, for now, but I think my drawing better conveys the emotional truth of the moment. Hope you like it....
Satirical, Non-Libelous Dan Snyder Group Fiction, Part III: The Fetid Breath Of The Bligle
Here's your daily link to Dave McKenna's brilliant "Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder," which we'll be posting until Dan Snyder's dumbass libel suit chokes on a crab puff at a cocktail party. (For those of you keeping track, this is "We Are All Dave McKenna CV.")...
David Kahn Sort Of Accuses Stern Of Fixing Lottery So Gilbert's Sick Kid Would Win
So we told you about Dan Gilbert's son, who won the draft lottery tonight, but was born with neurofibromatosis, a disease that means tumors can grow throughout his body without warning....