aw Page 417 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Help Awful Announcing Decide Who's Just As Awful As Joe Morgan
Awful Announcing will remove Joe Morgan from the Lincoln spot on its Mt. Rushmore of awful announcers. They'll replace him with the readers' choice in a 32-person summer tournament. Today: Reilly-Harrelson and Paige-Bayless. Go forth exercise your right! [Reilly-Harrelson, Paige-Bayless]...
More Fun With License Plates: Sketchy "Do Me" Van Is Often Parked Near "NWA" Honda CR-V
Hickey alerted you Saturday to the "Do Me" white van, a New Jersey-based vehicle that undoubtedly has stained shag carpeting....
Here's Video Of The Elusive Great Adventure Baboon Getting Caged And Returned To Captivity
A guy named Peter Kong is narrating this New York Post video about the end of the Great Adventure baboon's three-day reign of terror across New Jersey. He's been waiting for this day his whole damn life. Deliver the goods, Kong! (Raw, Kong-less video here can be found here.)...
Ohio-Based Lady Sues Kobe Bryant For Not Marrying Her
Kobe Bryant has five rings. But now one litigious soul is livid that she didn't get one from him....
This Wasn't The First Time Mr. Handy H. Wood Of Duncannon, Pa. Was Arrested For Exposing Himself
Handy H. Wood, 35, was charged with exposing himself to a McDonald's drive-thru clerk on May 17. Mr. Wood was also charged with exposing himself to a woman in the Giant/Rite Aid shopping center parking lot on May 29. Finally, Mr. Wood was arrested for exposing himself to a woman in another shopping...
Watch A Guy Drive Off The Side Of A Mountain
What happens when your car goes twirling off the side of a mountain at Devil's Playground during the Pikes Peak International Hill Climb? If you're Bobby Regester, you just climb out of the Pontiac Sunfire window. Ripoff....
Oh Look, There Was Another Brawl At The D.C. Caribbean Carnival (Somewhat NSFW)
As opposed to the video posted, like, an hour ago, this brawl does not involve calls for titties. Rather, this "cArabian festival" footage drives home the point that, "If you're not on Howard University right now, you're not doing nothing." Fair enough....
Your Long, Painful Wait For Another Street-Festival Brawl Video Has Now Come To An End
What's left unsaid in this footage from a minor dust-up at last weekend's DC Caribbean Carnival — or as the uploader titled it, "caribian fest day 2" — is the cause. What's not left unsaid is that at least two observer deeply, genuinely "wanna see some titties, want some titties. Titties. Titties!...
Grantland's Jonah Lehrer Loves Intangibles So Much He Made A Whole Argument Out Of Them
Aren't sports statistics terrible? Of course they are. Sports has been overrun by number-nerds, and the number-nerds get angry if you point this out. So Jonah Lehrer, writing at Grantland about the pernicious influence of numerical analysis, makes sure not to bring up any actual examples of how numb...
Supreme Court Wisely Declines To Hear Roger Clemens' Dumbass Appeal
Reassuring news out of DC today: the US Supreme Court—which hears less than one percent of the cases appealed there anyway—has declined to hear Roger Clemens' appeal re: his silly defamation case against former trainer Brian McNamee. Many moons ago, Clemens sued McNamee after he dished on Clemens' s...
Kawhi Leonard Is 11½ Inches
News 4 San Antonio is really, really excited about the size of Kawhi Leonard's hands. So much so that they put together this graphic comparing him to the newsroom, without bothering to specify what they're talking about....
Happy Serena Meets Sad Serena: A Video Comparison
Serena Williams, the two-time defending Wimbledon ladies' champion, was knocked out of contention today with a 6-3, 7-6 loss to Marion Bartoli. Her post-match presser was in stark contrast to the post-match presser that followed her third-round win over Maria Kirilenko on Saturday. One is a happy,...
The One Where We're Offered A Topless Photo Of Post-Coital Emma Watson At Brown
Welcome back to Deleted Scenes. This space is now reserved for those scuzz-money entrepreneurs who've unsuccessfully tried to sell us prurient information. This is also where we'll run notable emails we've received from some of our readers. All emails are [sic]'d. Enjoy. ...
Watch Cheick Kongo's Absurd Knockout Of Pat Barry
Cheick Kongo has never lived up to the hype that attends a man who appears to have stepped from the pages of a comic book. But Kongo — who looks even more intimidating with that beard — showed some gameness last night after Pat Barry twice knocked him for a loop. Some people are calling this the gre...
Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills Ruin NHL Awards With Confident, Butchered Pronunciation
Real Housewives Camille Grammer—Kelsey's ex—and Adrienne Maloof—sister of those bankrupt rich man-children who allegedly own the Sacramento Kings—presented the Lady Byng Trophy to Tampa Bay Lightning right wing Martin St. Louis at Wednesday's NHL Awards show. St. Louis is a six-time All-Star, he w...
The NBA Draft: Where Love Happens?
Jan Vesely, a 6-11 swingman from the Czech Republic, was selected sixth overall by the Washington Wizards in last night's NBA Draft. For any 21-year-old, the moment would have been special. You're on national television in a brand new suit, and you're about to become a millionaire. But Vesely and ...
Tennis Player Simona Halep Was Unhappy With Her Breasts
Serena Williams won her second round match against Simona Halep 3-6, 6-2, 6-1 yesterday. Afterward, the 19-year-old Halep spoke about her breasts, namely the decision to have them reduced....
Congratulations If You Had "Metta World Peace" In The Ron Artest Name-Change Office Pool
Ronald William "Ron" Artest, Jr. has apparently filed some paperwork with the Los Angeles County Superior Court. In it, Mr. Artest seeks to legally change his name to Metta World Peace. It remains unclear if he'll go by Metta or World. Now, "metta" is essentially "The Philosophy and Practice of Uni...
Daniel Sedin Wins The Important Hardware: A Broken Trophy
The NHL awards were last night; we didn't watch. (Mostly a Jay Mohr thing.) So we couldn't tell you what outfit the readers of Seventeen picked out for Jeff Skinner, or if the pointless Jennings Trophy was handed beforehand, like the technical Oscars....
Jay Mohr And That Wretched "Like A G6" Band Will Perform At The NHL Awards Tonight, Everybody
Here is a list of the non-hockey stars—"some of the biggest names in Hollywood"—the NHL will have on hand tonight for its Las Vegas awards ceremony (7 p.m., Versus): Jon Hamm, Jerry Bruckheimer, Kevin Smith, Jennifer Beals. OK, if not quite A-list, definitely a list. Unfortunately, they accompany re...