aw Page 441 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Venus Williams Is Angry People Still Think She's Playing Without Underwear
Venus, annoyed by the coverage of her possible commando-ness, explained on Twitter that, yes, she's wearing underwear: "I am wearing undershorts the same color as my skin, so it gives the slits in my dress the full effect!" But......

Mark Sanchez Graduates From Poise To Chutzpah
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Excerpts From "Underlying Ass(ets): What Venus Williams's Bottom Tells Us About Credit Default Swaps"
Napkin Gladwell is a journalist and bestselling author of books people read on airplanes. He occasionally provides Deadspin with excerpts of his upcoming essays....

Shawne Merriman's Fetus Wants Legal Recognition
Merriman was hit with a paternity suit this week, in an odd case in which he's admitted the unborn child is his. And before you ask, don't worry; Tila Tequila has not reproduced....

Thunder Owner Reaches Piddly Settlement In Frivolous Lawsuit
Clay Bennett will pay Sonics season ticket holders $1.6 million (the equivalent of Kevin Ollie), because he raised the price of tickets after the team moved to Oklahoma City. I'm not sure how that works, either. [Seattle Post-Intelligencer]...

On The Gentle Path, Too: A Dispatch From The Front Lines Of Sex Addiction
Anonymous, a porn addict, is a longtime Deadspin reader and commenter who will soon enter the same sex-rehabilitation facility where Tiger Woods is reportedly receiving treatment. Here, Anonymous explains his own addiction and why Tiger's treatment is no PR ploy....

Tiger Woods' Sex Rehab Adventure, As Gleaned From A Few Brochure Photographs
Tiger Woods is at the Pine Grove Behavioral Health & Addiction Services in Hattiesburg, Miss., where he is reportedly receiving treatment for sex addiction. What does that entail? Let's look at photos on the center's web site and find out....

NFC Playoff Open Thread: Buzzsaw. Fleur-De-Lys. Go.
Chris Berman boldly predicted this game would be a "shootout" with a final score of "77-75." That means everyone should take the under immediately. Biggest question of the day: "Will the 'Fuck Da Eagles' gal make an appearance? [NFL.com] [Photo-via]...

Ex-NBC Sports Employee: Dick Ebersol Is The Biggest Failure Of Them All
We were fortunate enough to receive a scalding take down of Dick Ebersol from a former NBC Sports employee who took "great offense" when his ex-boss called Conan O'Brien an "astounding failure." Here's his (anonymous) counter-argument....

Tebow The Cat Survives Miraculous Journey, Won't Shut Up About It
A Hawkeye fan on the way back from the Orange Bowl finds a stray cat stowed away underneath his pickup truck. "We named her Tebow, because she's a crier." [Cedar Rapids Gazette]...

Kurt Warner, The Great Unknowable Freak Of The NFL
Explaining their aversion to the epic, ridiculous Cardinals-Packers game Sunday, Free Darko wrote: "Warner scores don't move me. I know what he's thinking." I do not understand this. I have no idea what Warner's ever thinking. It scares me....

Everybody Loves Kurt Warner...Except One Former California Pizza Kitchen Employee
Kurt Warner just can't stop winning over NFL fans with his sage quarterbacking and stock boy humbleness, so even if he doesn't make it to Canton we can all agree he's an exceptional human being, right? Behold a dissenter....

Seahawks CEO Gets Uppity About Rooney Rule Violation Allegations
It turns out Tod Leiweke did look beyond the American Eagle model coaching circuit when trying to fill their coaching/GM vacancies. Leiweke said he called Tony Dungy first about the president's job even before he had playtime with Leslie Frazier....

Let's All Remember Shea Stadium, With Drunken Fatty Lawsuits
A woman is suing the Mets after an intoxicated 300-pound fan comically tumbled down several rows of seats, and not-so-comically landed on her and broke her back....

Russian Hockey League Is Gonna Need A Bigger Penalty Box
A KHL game was canceled after 3:49 of the first period when a brawl resulted in 691 penalty minutes and not enough players left to finish the game. Also: a Jaromir Jagr sighting! [RussianHockeyFans/Fanhouse]...

Gilbert Arenas Is Not A Political Prisoner
DeShawn Stevenson gave over valuable ankle tape space, and fans brought signs reading "Free Gil" for today's game. It's the only evidence in the building he ever existed. We've always been at war with Eastasia....

The Jayhawks' New Game Plan Is Undefendable (Too Bad They Didn't Use It Today)
Looking for a way around the half-court press, practicing Kansas players jacked up a half-court shot. Then another. Then another. And so on and so forth....

Hawk About To Get Paid Hawking Autographs
Having a plaque in Cooperstown is nice. The unstated-but-significant financial windfall that comes with being a hall-of-famer could be nicer....

Marshawn Lynch Is All About The Jacksons
We thought quiet little Buffalo would be good for the troubled Lynch. We thought wrong, as the RB couldn't avoid the criminal breeding grounds of the T.G.I. Friday's at the mall, where he's accused of stealing $20 from a woman....

Seahawks Shack Up With Pete Carroll As If He Were A Grad Student Living In Malibu
Pete Carroll has come to terms with Seattle, according to the stuffed animals at Adam Schefter's tea party. He'll be introduced just as soon as the Seahawks find a minority in whom to feign interest. [ESPN]...