aw Page 490 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Whew! Now The Cavaliers Have A Chance!
We would like to formally congratulate LeBron James who, just in time for Game 4, became a father for the second time at 12:15 this morning. The kid's name is "Bryce Maximus James," which is exactly what our parents once considered naming us....
Elijah Dukes Continues To Bat 1.000
If you're a social worker who is considering a foster care applicaton, how could you not approve the couple who is related to Elijah Dukes? A 17-year-old girl who is in foster care with a relative of Dukes told the Tampa police that Dukes got her pregnant. The article goes on to say that Dukes will ...
Female Jordan Retires Out Of Boredom With The WNBA
Imagine, for a moment, if LeBron James were clinically depressed. If all his natural skill was wasted on a mind that couldn't get its act together; a million dollar body in a 10-cent head, if you will. He would be a tragic figure, Steve Blass writ large, an epic athletics cautionary tale....
Who's Now, America? WHO'S NOW?
Oh, how to fill those dog days of summer, when the sports marketplace bleeds into a repetitive cycle of baseball highlights and reports from NFL minicamp. (And occasional WNBA scores.) ESPN has come up with a clever way of spicing matters up. And by "clever," we mean, "soul-crushingly lame." And it'...
About Last Night
What you missed while channel-surfing a boring night of TV wondering why the NBA didn't play the Finals Game 2 LAST night... • NBA: JR Smith escapes injury in car crash • Boxing: Cotto thumps Judah in TKO • Racing: Filly wins Belmont (as predicted) • Golf: Wow, Michelle Wie really stinks right now. ...
Arizona Is Prettier Than Tennessee, And Knows It
Last night — in ESPN programming we were not watching — the Arizona Wildcats softball team beat Tennessee 5-0 to win the NCAA Championship. One of the fun aspects of NCAA softball is that, if you have one good pitcher, she can just pitch every game. Tarnye Mowatt pitched all 60 innings for the Wildc...
Ducks Fans, Your Decade-Plus Of Suffering Is Over
We congratulate the Anaheim Ducks on their first Stanley Cup title last night. We can't imagine the relief of Ducks fans across the nation, who were able to sleep easy last night, knowing they must no longer fear that they, like their grandfathers and other ancestors, will die without seeing their b...
Some Things You See That You Can't Unsee
Friends, we have seen death; we have walked up to it, looked it straight in the eye and then scampered off and hid under our desk....
Serena Williams Scoots Out Down The Road
Earlier today (or yesterday, or whatever the heck time it is in Australia), Serena Williams lost in the French Open. Fortunately, this video, from our friends at The Fanhouse, reveals that her time in France was anything but a waste. It's cute: She dances like our aunt at a wedding. Of course, our a...
Is Gene Upshaw Gonna Have To Choke A Bitch?
You might remember, last August, when Bryant Gumbel — that notorious agent of social change — blasted NFL union head Gene Upshaw for being the "personal pet" of the NFL, and that he was kept "on a leash."...
Not Much Hockey Left To Go
After last night's Stanley Cup Finals Game 4, an Anaheim victory over Ottawa to take a 3-1 series lead, it appears that the NHL will remain true to tradition: The Stanley Cup will be presented in Orange County. It seems as if there could have never been any other way....
There Has To Be A Way To Combine A Hockey Game And A Telethon
Hockey continues to feel the sting of disrespect from their network television home. This time, the slap in the face isn't national, but limited to just the Tampa market. For now, anyway. We'll have to wait and see what happens if tonight's game goes into overtime....
NHL Fans Are That Much More Special Today
If you didn't watch the Stanley Cup Finals Game 2 last night — and of course you did — you might have missed this odd shot of Snoop Dogg, who, for reasons unbeknown to anyone but him (and probably not him either), was wearing a fake mustache....
Jose Canseco, Keeping Us Entertained For Nearly A Quarter Of A Century
Oh, 'tis a sad, sad day indeed when one is outwitted by Jose Canseco. As SportsbyBrooks so dutifly reported over the weekend, the man who once had a baseball bounce off his noggin for a home run has apparently convinced USA Today columnist Michael McCarthy that his non-existent TV reality show, Win ...
Stanley Cup Finals Pants Party: Ducks Vs. Senators
We're taking Memorial Day off, as you've surely noticed — though we're excited LeBron and the Jazz have given us something to pay attention to — but we are doing one post: A preview of the Stanley Cup Finals. They drop the puck tonight at 8 p.m. ET, with the Anaheim (Not Mighty) Ducks against the Ot...
Welcome, Jezebel: Turn To The Worship Of Her God Baal
The classy, bombastic lovely ladies seen here are the editors of the newest site from our benevolent benefactors at Gawker Media, Jezebel, which launched today. The basic premise of the site is mapped out in a manifesto about the five biggest lies that women's magazines spew. Personally, we've alway...
AJ Hawk Has Brady Quinn's Back
Last week, we published some rather unusual photos of new Browns quarterback Brady Quinn and the wedding of his sister and Packers linebacker A.J. Hawk. Well, Hawk spoke this weekend about the photos and he isn't too happy....
Fortunately, Nobody Wants To Watch A Playoff Overtime
As MJD pointed out yesterday, NBC, amazingly, cut away from the Senators-Sabres Game 5 overtime yesterday to show ... the first two hours of the Preakness prerace coverage. That's right: Rather than show the most exciting part of an entire hockey season, NBC chose to show Bob Costas interview people...
Brady Quinn, Always With The Hetero Photos
Last March, Packers linebacker A.J. Hawk married Laura Quinn, whom you might remember as the double-jerseyed sister of new Browns quarterback Brady Quinn....
Pity The Poor Buffalo Fan
Heading into the NHL playoffs, the subplot we were most excited about involved the Buffalo Sabres, a team with a long-suffering but rabid — we mean literally rabid; it's in the Buffalo drinking water — fanbase and a No. 1 seed. After they beat the Rangers, it all appeared to be coming together. At l...