back Page 98 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
HOLY SHIT TOM BRADY CUT HIS HAIR
What does that face tell you? He looks guilty to me. Is this some form of self-inflicted punishment? Or is he punishing us? Did Gisele make him do it? Did Belichick make him do it? Did Jesus get jealous and make him do it? Did the Bills make him do it? Did ESPN The Magazine make him do it? Will the ...
They Cried Tears Of Joy And Praised The Heavens When The Brewers Clinched A Division Title
Your morning roundup for Sept. 24, a day you no longer have to worry about getting hit by a falling satellite unless you already got hit, in which case wouldn't be reading this because you're not alive to fret. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....
We're Not Saying You Should Vote Nickelback For Ottawa's Goal Song; We're Just Saying You <i>Can</i>
The Senators are letting fans vote for their goal song on the team Facebook page. Nickelback currently sits in third. A feisty third. Voting is open to all....
My Team Threw For 731 Yards And Lost
We're doing a season-long NFL roundtable with our friends at Slate. Check back here each week as a rotating cast of football watchers discusses the weekend's key plays, coaching decisions, and traumatic brain injuries....
Is This The NFL's Juiced Ball Era?
We're doing a season-long NFL roundtable with our friends at Slate. Check back here each week as a rotating cast of football watchers discusses the weekend's key plays, coaching decisions, and traumatic brain injuries....
Fat Curt Schilling Air-Mails A Ceremonial First Pitch
Here he is on Saturday night, throwing out the first pitch alongside former teammate and eternal beanpole Randy Johnson at Chase Field. How the mighty fall....
There's A Campaign To Keep Nickelback From Performing At The Winnipeg Jets' First Game, Because Nickelback Sucks
No one knows why, but far too many dim marketing morons get paid ungodly amounts of money to "entertain" us at sporting events by hiring your mom's idea of a rockin' band. And just when you thought it couldn't get any worse than the NFL's decision to have Kid Rock, Lady Antebellum, and Maroon 5 rin...
Dad Of The Year Referees Son's Street Fight, Attacks Kid After Son Loses
Before we dive in, let's play Ohio Or Florida! It's Florida....
Canadian Television Says Blue Jays (Now Diamondbacks) Utility Infielder John McDonald Hit 96 HR This Year
Ed note: he has not. Two, the number of homers McDonald has hit, is 94 fewer than 96. Thanks to Coreywise for the photo....
Total QB Rating: Everything Great About ESPN Multiplied By Everything Insufferable
It's been fascinating to watch ESPN roll out its new, proprietary Total Quarterback Rating over the past few days, and not just because we got to see Tirico, Gruden, and Jaws huffing and grunting and puzzling over the thing as if it were the first stone tool. ("This new measure of stats," Tirico cal...
<em>Welcome Back, JaMarcus</em>: Russell Will Return To LSU In The Fall To Take Some Classes
LSU Sports Information Director Michael Bonnette tweeted yesterday that former Oakland Raiders quarterback JaMarcus Russell would be returning to Baton Rouge to take classes in the fall. In his honor, we've cut you the opening credits of Welcome Back, JaMarcus....
Mike Vick Tweets That He'd Be Honored To Have Favre Back Him Up, Then Tweet Disappears
You'll recall this, Howard Eskin's report that the Eagles might have some interest in bringing the gunslinging kid aboard as a backup in 2011. This scared a lot of us....
If This Doesn't Warm Your Heart, You're Awful
We've learned a lot about fan psychology when it comes to foul balls. We've seen adults snatch them away from children; we've seen kids sulk until they're rewarded; we've seen grown men devote their sad lives to catching baseballs. There's something about that little sphere made of cork, yarn and ...
Stephen Drew's Ankle Did A Thing Human Ankles Shouldn't Do
Oof. That ankle's at the wrong o'clock. But perhaps even worse is when he snaps it back into place. (If you're squeamish, you may not want to watch the super slo-mo at 0:51, right after the announcer "hopes it's not a possible break.") It is, and Drew's obviously done for the season....
Arian Foster Stays In Shape By Riding A Mechanical Bull While Jared From Subway Looks On
Houston Texans running back Arian Foster rode a mechanical bull for a Subway-promotion-cum-charity-thing on Thursday. Jared looked on, with some other dude, and perhaps no one else....
He Apologized For His Unacceptable Behavior!
"Hey everyone. I'm taking this time to apologize for my involvement with the post game riots after the Bruins defeated the Canucks to take the Stanley Cup. My involvement was a bad decision I made in the heat of the moment and it something that i feel a profound sense of regret towards. I would li...
A Year Ago, Diamondbacks 3B Sean Burroughs Was Drinking 8 Slurpees Daily, Eating Cheeseburgers Out Of A Trash Can
Sean Burroughs, if you'll recall, was once the fraught golden boy of early 2000s NL baseball—the smooth-swinging Padres third baseman who could only hit singles. (His career isolated slugging percentage, .078, is only a fuzz better than Juan Pierre's.) But Burroughs has since resuscitated his pro ca...
Wily Mo Pena Spits A Loogie Into His Helmet, Hits Two-Run Walkoff
Via Awful Announcing, here's Baseball MLB Tonight's involved slo-mo breakdown of Willy Mo Pena's pre-game-winning-homerun ritual: he sends a gob of spit and possibly other substances in his helmet, and then he wears the helmet. Babe might be proud. Babe also might be kind of grossed out....
Here's China Losing Its Olympic Men's Soccer Bid On A Blown Call (Which Was Followed By A Humiliating Collapse)
Regrettably, the Chinese men's soccer team will not have a chance to follow up its 2008 Olympics performance—six goals against, one goal for, two red cards, one vicious episode of crotch-punching—with an appearance in London in 2012. The People's Republic was eliminated from the Asian Olympic qual...