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![Cubs Apologize For Playing "Smack My Bitch Up" As Aroldis Chapman Exited Game [Updates]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/civtgh4m5kste9q89slm.jpg)
Cubs Apologize For Playing "Smack My Bitch Up" As Aroldis Chapman Exited Game [Updates]
Cubs closer Aroldis Chapman pitched a scoreless ninth inning at home against the Cardinals last night, and as he walked off the mound the person in charge of the stadium’s PA system chose to play “Smack My Bitch Up” by The Prodigy....

Watch Your Head
After bouncing around the minors for a while, Canadian pitcher Scott Richmond is plying his craft in the Chinese Professional Baseball League with the EDA Rhinos. Whether through sublime reflexes or blind luck, Richmond managed to turn one of the slickest and fastest double plays you’ll see all year...

The Time I Got Fired By The Philadelphia Phillies
I grew up just outside of Philadelphia, the kind of rabid Phillies fan who had a life-size Pat Burrell poster on wall of the bedroom that my sister and I shared for so many years that we ended up telling two-dimensional Pat all our deepest secrets. I have also spent a not especially impressive but p...

Terry Collins Had A Good Manager Rant
Yesterday, the Mets got smoked 9-0 by the Arizona Diamondbacks, a bad baseball team that somehow managed a three-game sweep against New York. Mets manager Terry Collins was not happy with his team’s effort level during the series, and expressed his displeasure in a postgame rant....

Prince Fielder's Retirement Press Conference Was Sad As Hell
Rangers slugger Prince Fielder has been forced to retire from baseball at age 32. Fielder, who has been struggling at the plate this year, recently underwent his second spinal fusion surgery in the last three years, and doctors have told him that he is no longer physically capable of playing basebal...

Pirates Fan Leaps For Foul Ball, Comes Up With A Face Full Of Nacho Cheese
I understand that when you see a foul ball coming towards you, you can get a rush of blood to the head. Everyone wants to make a dope catch on a foul ball. “You did it!” they’ll say, “You made the big catch!” The Pirates will call you up and offer you a tryout because you made a sweet frickin’ baseb...

Alex Rodriguez Was Big Enough To Take All The Blame
It’s obvious where this begins: Thirteen years ago, at baseball’s annual winter meetings, the entire story was Alex Rodriguez and when and where he would be going. The Texas Rangers, who’d averaged 90 losses in three seasons with Rodriguez at shortstop, had made clear that they wanted out from under...

Yasiel Puig Is Probably Not A Fun Person To Party With<em></em>
The Los Angeles Dodgers optioned Yasiel Puig to Triple A last week, and on Monday night he posted a bunch of videos of himself partying with his new teammates. The Dodgers were, predictably, unhappy about this....

Good Luck Trying To Tag Josh Harrison
Derek Norris had Josh Harrison more or less nailed down with this throw, but Harrison got creative and made a nifty-as-hell dodge to escape the tag. He was called out, but after a review, Harrison got the base he deserved. ...

Remember When Prince Fielder Slapped An Inside-The-Park Home Run?
According to Ken Rosenthal, the Rangers will announce tomorrow that Prince Fielder is going to retire. Fielder had neck surgery a few weeks ago, and it’s apparently going to keep him from playing again. He will retire with 319 dingers, exactly the same amount as his father Cecil had in his career....

Brandon Crawford Would Not Stop Hitting Baseballs Last Night
On Monday night, the Giants’ Brandon Crawford accomplished something rarer than hitting for the cycle or throwing a no-hitter: He became the first player since 1975 (and just the fifth player since 1913) to get seven hits in a game. ...

Tim Tebow Wants To Play In MLB, Will Fail At That Too
What fresh hell is this, where Alex Rodriguez is hanging up the cleats and Tim Tebow is trying to put them on? According to an Adam Schefter report that forced you to double-check and make sure it wasn’t a fake account, TV personality Tim Tebow will hold a workout for scouts later this month in the ...

Buster Posey Invents Cool New Way To Slide Into Base
With the game tied 7-7 in the 11th inning, Buster Posey made it from first to third on a Brandon Crawford single. He also tried to eat third base in the process....

Diamondbacks Try To Squeeze More Money From Taxpayers; County Supervisor Tells Team To Screw Themselves<em></em>
The Diamondbacks have been playing in their current ballpark since 1998. Their stadium cost $364 million to build, and Maricopa County picked up $238 million of the tab. Eighteen years later, it is need of some repairs, and the fight over who is going to pay for them has gotten ugly....

Watch A Pro Pitching Tutorial, Including Steven Wright Teaching Us His Knuckleball<em></em>
You probably know how to throw a ball, and maybe even how to do so with some force, accuracy, and/or intention. Maybe you played baseball as a kid, or in college, or once a week this very summer with a ragtag group of friends and coworkers....

ESPN Dipshit To English-Speaking Ichiro: Speak English!!!
ESPN SportsCenter anchor and former WWE commentator Todd Grisham, who fancies himself a tough man, has a tough message for True Hit King Ichiro: This is America, learn some English!...

Mike Trout Gets Way Up To Rob A Grand Slam
Hello, it’s time once again for a check-in with Mike Trout, that guy who continues to be the best player in baseball despite wasting away on a crap-ass Angels roster....

Ichiro Joins 3,000 Hit Club With Triple
Ichiro Suzuki, the true Hit King, joined Paul Molitor as the only member of the 3,000 Hit Club to do so with a triple when he did so in the top of the seventh inning today in Denver....

Miguel Sano Pop-Up Hits Roof, Gets Caught
Twins third baseman Miguel Sano earned a dubious honor today, becoming the first player to ever hit the roof of the Tampa Bay Rays stadium in fair territory:...

Sobbing A-Rod Announces The Yankees Are Ending His Career<em></em><em></em>
The New York Yankees called a press conference this morning to announce that Alex Rodriguez’s career as a Yankee will end next week. His final game will be on Friday against the Rays, after which the Yankees will release him, and he will retire and become a “special advisor and instructor” to the cl...