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Has German Soccer Conquered Europe? Not Quite
Originally published in Bloomberg View....

Franck Ribéry's Golazo For FC Bayern Basically Sums Up Their Season
This ridiculous goal comes from the final day of the Bundesliga season. Bayern Munich were playing Borussia Monchengladbach, and strangely, were getting their asses beaten for a hot second. ...

Bayern Demolish Barcelona In A Changing Of The Guard
In the first leg of last night's Champions League semifinal, the world witnessed a coup that was anything but graceful. For Barcelona, it was painful, tragic, vaguely horrifying. It was violent. After five years of undisputed domination, Barça were not allowed to simply fade away, to retire back to ...

The Middle Finger Is A Universal Language
Bayern Munich's 2012-13 season has been a testament to the efficiency for which Germany is known across the globe: stingy defense, making the most of scoring opportunities, and avoiding flash. That strategy has put them well in command of the Bundesliga, and has them a very quiet top contender to w...

Crazed Fan Talks His Way Into Bayern Munich Locker Room, Demands To Know Why Franck Ribery Doesn't Have His Dog
I mean, it's not like the guy didn't specifically leave his dog for Franck Ribery to look after. Getting mad at him without that would be unreasonable....

ITV Cuts Into Champions League Extra Time To Bring You A Very Surprised Newsreader
Three minutes into extra time of Real Madrid and Bayern Munich's Champions League second leg, ITV—broadcasting the match in Britain—cut to the News At Ten studio. The anchor was as confused as the viewers. There was still plenty of soccer to be played, and it was 15 minutes shy of 10:00 anyway....

German Soccer Trolling Is The Best Trolling
In a match that may be the deciding factor in the German Bundesliga title race, Borussia Dortmund seized a 1-0 victory over Bayern Munich when keeper Roman Weidenfeller stopped Arjen Robben's penalty in the 82nd minute, leading to an extraordinary (and ballsy) act of trash-talking from Serbian de...

Mario Gomez Had A Messi-Like Four Goals In Yesterday's Champions League Match, But Says "I'm No Messi"
Bayern Munich's Mario Gomez snuffed out Swiss side Basel's underdog dreams in the UEFA Champions League with a four-goal performance yesterday (courtesy a lot of help from Franck Ribery). Coming so soon after Lionel Messi's five-goal CL spectacular, comparisons were inevitable. Nonsense, says Gom...

Thomas Müller Is Your Early Goal Of The Year Frontrunner
Thomas Müller's absolutely nasty goal against AS Roma yesterday is one of those goals that is going to be replayed a lot (at least by Thomas Müller and his family). Come for the great goal, stay for the Teutonic hugs! [@grantwahl]...

Mourinho Celebrates With Incredible Display Of Spitting
For those of you too busy pinking up your faces and sloshing back summertime pints, Jose Mourinho had a great night on Saturday, bagging another Champions League trophy, before celebrating with a home made water fountain. Some highlights after the jump....

Man United’s European Exit Recreated Using Lego!
And they say that children can't concentrate any more....

Even Their Coaches Know How To Flop
In this undated video, we have an exciting footysoccer game with brilliant ball control, superb balance, and absolutely no match fixing whatsoever. What else do you need?...

Small Middle Eastern Nation Terrorized By Bus Shenanigans
Bayern Munich soccer star Franck Ribery is a devout Muslim, but I'm not sure where in the Koran it says you're allowed to take the team bus for a joyride and smash into stuff....

Where the Strong Feast On the Weak
Welcome to another glorious weekend at the Deadspin Pub. This week we're featuring huge clashes between Italian powers Inter and Juventus as well as a huge match in England pitting the Red Devils against the Villans. Aside from that the day is primarily composed of world powers like Liverpool, Chels...

Bayern Munich Unveils New Soccer Uniforms With Models and Techno Dance
Sometimes we think that American sports teams have lost all grip with reality. Then we get a video like this from Europe. Honestly, I'm almost speechless. My favorite thing from this video, and there are many, is the photographers jostling with one another to get the perfect shot. If you were a phot...