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The Official Communist Party Quick Travel Guide To The 2008 Beijing Olympics
Drew Magary's Balls Deep column runs every Thursday afternoon. Drew's new book, "Men With Balls," featuring 100% new material, is available for pre-order here. You can email Drew here. Read him during the week at KSK....
Beyond Beijing: Your 2008 Olympic Co-Hosts
The Olympics begin in August, and they're in China, so, you know, it should be a rather fascinating world event, if you're into fascinating world events. And we are proud to welcome back our Deadspin Beijing Bureau, our own trio of correspondents living in China and reporting on everything they see,...
I Hereby Demand That This Be Added To The Olympics
Where else but on Japanese television would one find something called Human Trebuchet; in which a person is flung by a large, wooden contraption into a distant net? And it looks pretty easy to build ... and suddenly, you are never late for an appointment again....
The Great Proletarian Cultural Sneaker Revolution Has Begun
Still entertaining the notion that the U.S. may boycott the Beijing Olympics? Silly idealist. Take a look at these Adidas commercials which will begin airing in the Chinese market next month to coincide with the beginning of the Games. There's nothing like a little Marxist-Leninist-Maoist dogma mixe...
Olympic Criminals Are No Match For The Chinese Scooter Police
You may think that you're a clever subversive, plotting to wreak mayhem at the Olympic Games. But you didn't count on the Glorious People's Scooter Police. Hands up, terrorist dogs! Hey, no fair fleeing over that slightly uneven terrain! Come back here!...
At Last, An Olympic Mascot We Can All Relate To
If you're tired of stories about earthquakes and censorship and brutal beatdowns of Tibetan monks, then forget about the Beijing Olympics for a moment, and remember that plans are already underway for the 2012 Games in London. Things will be decidedly more upbeat in these Olympics, to be sure; as we...
The Best Bronze Medal Money Can Buy?
The U.S. Olympic basketball roster was announced on Monday, and looking it over I think that we've finally engineered a lineup that can beat Angora. USA! USA! Getting by Argentina and Lithuania may be more problematic. Anyway, you've got your Kobe Bryant, your LeBron James, your Dwyane Wade, your Ca...
China Is Several Varieties Of Crazy
Sorry, but your idea of sticking 2008 needles into your head and upper body in honor of the Beijing Olympics has already been done. My question for this guy: How do you sleep? Do you take 'em all out, and then re-stick yourself in the morning? (Not shown: The 2009 needles he applied to his crotch an...
It's Olympic Torch Relay Eve!
I love a good protest as much as the next person, but it seems that the bar has been set impossibly high for my home team, San Francisco. The Olympic Torch Relay makes its only North American appearance here on Wednesday, and because this is San Francisco, the world is expecting a protest on a grand...
Olympic Torch Relay Proceeding Smoothly So Far
The Olympic Torch passed through London and Paris on Sunday and earlier today, and was only snuffed out a few times by protesters: Once with a fire extinguisher. There were near riots and close to a hundred arrests. You know, I'm starting to suspect that some people don't like the Olympic Torch....
I'm Going To The Olympic Torch Relay ... What Could Possibly Go Wrong?
The San Francisco Board of Supervisors recently announced the route that the Olympic Torch will take through The City this coming Tuesday; a waterfront jaunt beginning at AT&T Park's McCovey Cove and ending at Justin Herman Plaza. Since I'm going to be in that neck of the woods anyway, I'm going to ...
The Deer Penis Diaries
Bad news for chronic deer penis ingesters planning on participating in the Beijing Olympics — you'll have to find something else to help you win a gold medal this year. Yes, deer penis and all sorts of other crazy Chinese voodoo medicines have officially been put on the no-no list by the Beijing IOC...
I'm Beginning To Sense Some Dissatisfaction With The Beijing Olympics
Here are a couple of other interpretations of the Olympic logo....
Um, Maybe We Should Just Skip The Olympic Torch This Time
Well, that didn't take long. They were still flicking the cigarette lighter in preparation of lighting the Olympic Torch today in Greece when a protester crashed the ceremony, with what looks like a pirate flag. A rousing start on the 84-day journey in which the torch will pass through several locat...
China Will Decide What Movies You Watch, Got It?
Oh China, what are we going to do with you? Mere hours after the first high-profile lawmaker called for a boycott of the Beijing Olympics opening ceremonies, the Chinese government responded to concerns about its record on human rights the way that you thought it would: By banning scary movies. Yep,...
Beijing Olympics To Be Devoid Of Dramatic Closeups, Mechanical Sharks
Bad news for all those who actually watch the opening and closing ceremonies at the Summer Olympics; Steven Spielberg has dropped out as director at the Beijing Games. Or actually he was going to be the "artistic adviser," whatever that means. All I know is that now my dream of watching Dennis Weave...
The Chinese Olympic Swimsuits Are Here ... Yeesh
It's true: One man's sexy is another man's nightmare fuel. Mostly though, aren't these swimsuits just impractical? Aerodynamic they ain't. However, if you're swimming in the ocean I suppose the front there could be used to collect baby smelt and other small bait fish. China never fails to confuse me...
The Chinese Are Quite Mad, You Know
So this is the country that will supposedly be the world's major superpower in 20 years? I have my doubts, considering that this guy covered himself with Chinese Olympic tattoos and didn't allow for any space for advertising. Oh wait, I think I see an ad for Frank TV. Never mind....