br Page 845 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

The FBI Is Investigating The Tyler Hamilton-Lance Armstrong Restaurant Run-In
Move this story off Versus and onto TruTV—the feds are getting involved and talking about witness tampering. Whoa....

These Newborns Have Been Bruins Fans For About As Long As Most Adult Bostonians
We kid, we kid. Obviously there are no parallels to be drawn between the litter at this area hospital, brainwashed from their first days to support the local hockey club, and grown Bruins fans, who made the informed choice themselves, all coincidentally around the spring of 2008....

What The Miami Heat Taught Us About Fascism (And Maybe Cat Sex, Too)
FreeDarko's Bethlehem Shoals, co-author of The Undisputed Guide to Pro Basketball History (visit the FreeDarko store, too!) and our erstwhile Heat Strokes diarist, closes the book on Miami's season....

Brad Marchand Punching Daniel Sedin Like An Inflatable Clown, Set To An Adorable Child's Song
We came across this cute Canucks kid, doing his own version of a Twisted Sister classic. We spruced up the visuals....

Minor League Team Hands Out LeBron Championship Rings, And Yes, They're Non-Existent
You know you done goofed when they're making fun of you in Peoria. The Cubs single-A affiliate was planning on honoring the 1990s Chicago Bulls teams on Thursday night, but they decided on an additional giveaway....

Charles Barkley Trashes The Miami Heat, Part 372: "God Is A Dallas Mavericks Fan"
Sir Charles keeps trolling, this time on both the Mike Lupica Show on ESPN 1050 and then on WIP Philadelphia with Howard Eskin and Ike Reese. There is nothing new here, because we've been listening to Barkley lambaste the Heat and especially Two of their Big Three on a regular basis for the past f...

Your Canucks/Bruins Game Six Open Thread (Body-Painted Canadians Edition)
These young ladies, evidently advertising Ke$ha's tour of Nunavut (I assume that's what glittermachine.ca must be) were outside the arena in Vancouver before game five. (They come to us via @Sportsfeeder1.)...

Every Overwrought Thing Adrian Wojnarowski Has Said About LeBron James
Yahoo's Adrian Wojnarowski, like many of our nation's sportswriters, doesn't care for LeBron James. But Woj shows his distaste with a bit more pathos than that of the average hack. Here, in order of increasing floridness and delusion, are some choice LeBron-related quotes from November 2008 on....

Ohio's Legislative Dick Move: Mavs Honored For Taking Down LeBron
If you've ever wanted to see an entire state act like jealous toddler throwing someone else's toys, Ohio's got you covered. LeBron James, who spent years bringing money and excitement to Cleveland, and still does extensive charity work in Akron, didn't win at basketball. As a result, Ohio Governor J...

LeBron James Is STILL A Cocksucker
If you missed last night's schaudenfreudegasm with LeBron and the Heat getting lane-raped by J.J. Barea for 48 minutes, oh how you missed out. There hasn't been a more gratifying moment for sports haters since the Saints beat Favre and Manning back-to-back in the NFC title game and Super Bowl. It w...

If A Canadian Team Wins A Title, Will They Visit The White House?
Should the Canucks win one of the next two games, they'll partake in one of the greatest traditions in pro sports: spending time with the Stanley Cup. But will they, or the Cup, receive the White House invite that's standard for championship teams? More to the point, would an American President hono...

Here's Finals MVP Dirk Nowitzki Das Booting An $80K Bottle Of Champagne
Your morning roundup for June 13, the day some variation of "flippin'" made Sarah Palin's email word cloud. Dirk drinking photo via @skindoeshoops....

V-LBJ Day
Mavs, in six, 105-95. LeBron was -24 tonight. Dirk's your MVP....

May <i>SI's</i> Creepy Jason Kidd Photo Forever Invade Your Nightmares
Tipster Neil alerts us to SI.com's album of "Rare Jason Kidd Photos" (note to self: assemble album of rare Jason Kapono photos, don't tell anyone, profit), and one photo in particular....

HOLY SHIT LEBRON HAS SIX TOES ON HIS RIGHT FOOT (BREAKING: MAYBE JUST FIVE)
And now we know what Stephen A. Smith was talking about. This comes straight off the watermarked NBA wire....

<i>NY Daily News</i> Stretches "NFL Star" To Its Breaking Point
Here's the headline in today's New York Daily News: "Bret Lockett and Kim Kardashian? NFL star comes clean: ‘I never met Kim, but we sexted'." This is a report following up on In Touch's headline: "Five-month affair with NFL star Bret Lockett behind fiancé's back."...

Bill Plaschke Tries Bill Simmons On For Size
With today's game six preview column, Plaschke has entered the pantheon of writers who write like Bill Simmons....

Here's LeBron James And Dwyane Wade Mocking Dirk Nowitzki Before Last Night's Game
From CBS Dallas, cameras caught James and Wade leaving their shootaround showing all signs of being sick with the flu. Or perhaps poking fun at Dirk's 102-degree fever in game 4. For the record, LeBron, Wade and Dirk all had excellent games last night....

This Is What It Sounds Like When Bob Ley Raps
On Outside the Lines today, Bob Ley found cause to recite a few bars from Jay-Z's DeShawn Stevenson dis track "Blow the Whistle," which Hova recorded during the hilarious LeBron & Jay-Z vs. DeShawn & Soulja Boy feud a few years back. There was little reason to expect that when James said that resp...

Stephen A. Smith's The One Starting Rumors About LeBron's Personal Life
If you tuned in to the ambient noise of the ninth circle of hell this morning, you heard Stephen A. Smith on Mike and Mike talking about LeBron James. And why yes, he did throw some shit at the wall. SportsGrid has the audio, as well as this summary:...