br Page 928 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Aim For The Knees, Brett!
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap....
Tom Brady's Throwing Shoulder Will Be Fine, Says Source Within Lying-Ass Organization
This was the shoulder on which Albert Haynesworth was briefly docked Friday. "There is no need for hysteria," says a source close to the tactically dishonest Patriots, who will now list Brady as "probable (shoulder)" for all eternity. [Boston Globe]...
George Steinbrenner Will Steal Your Business Ideas
A disgruntled former MSG exec says he designed the blueprint for YES network, which George promptly stole to build his $3 billion television empire. So naturally he's suing for due credit, to the tune of $23 million....
Who Needs An Immigration Wall When You Have Chipper Jones?
The Atlanta Braves third baseman is an avid hunter and since his home rests on a tract of land near the Mexican border, he often encounters many of brave illegal immigrants stealthily en route to a better way of life....
Why Your Team Sucks: Denver Broncos
Some people are fans of the Denver Broncos. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Denver Broncos. This 2009 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group....
Brandon Marshall: Kind Of A Crybaby
Denver probably thought all their troubles were gone when they shipped Jay Cutler out of town, but now they've got an even bigger problem child on their hands in Brandon Marshall. The operative word being "child."...
Bengals Owner Will Not Tolerate Messages From On High
Banners trashing Cincinnati's front office were flying above the team's training camp, until the FAA stepped in — at the behest of Mike Brown. The man can't run a football team, but he sure can control the skies. [WhoDeyRevolution]...
Arturo Gatti's Widow Still Peeved About That Whole "Falsely Imprisoned For Murder" Thing
And now she's suing the samba pants off the poor Brazilian State of Pernambuco for the indignity. That happened, like, six weeks ago. Get over it already! South American prison couldn't have been that bad. [AP]...
Big Ben's Accuser Is 18 Kinds Of Crazy
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....
Scoop Jackson Loses His Mind, Again
Scoop on Brett Favre: "If he were a woman, he wouldn't be able to get away with this and still be respected, because this is not the behavior of respectable ladies...They have names for women like that." [ESPN.com]...
Slumping Team Tries New Motivational Tactic: Guns
When a reader sends you a tip with the subject line "More dysfunctional team than the Mets," you have to open it. So of course the story involves a soccer team's executives threatening the players with guns after a loss....
Dan Duquette's Minor League Team Evicted From Stadium
The tractor parked on home plate at Holman Stadium in Nashua, New Hampshire, is not there to mow the grass. It's there to keep the American Defenders from playing baseball until they pay $45,000 in rent and back taxes....
This Man Will Not Defecate For Less Than Your Annual Salary
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....
Apparently Joanna Krupa Is Not A Fan Of Ryan Braun's Fashion Line
At another one of those REMETEE events (remember: like "remedy" not "ream tea") the model-turned-whatever privately told one photog what she thought of Braun's creation: "It looks like Ozzy Osbourne threw up on you." [Milwaukee Nights]...
And Now A Look At The Actual Brett Favre Goat Tied Up In The Lady's Trunk
Finally, you can put your photoshopping skills to rest — the comically cruel Brett Favre goat video has been released to the local news. Yes, the goat, although tied down, is still alive in these photos. [WCCO]...
Why Do Japanese People Squint?
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution has a theory. Something to do with the sun always being in their eyes? That's why its on the flag right?...
Favre-esque Goat Led To Slaughter In Trunk Of A Car
Mechanics in Minnesota were slightly alarmed this weekend when a woman came in for a new fan belt and then announced that she had a live goat—that was also a effigy of Brett Favre—in her trunk....
Bruntlett's Unassisted Triple Play Closes Out the Mets
The Mets rallied off of Phillies closer Brad Lidge in the bottom of the ninth, only to watch Jeff Francoeur line out to Eric Bruntett. The second baseman stepped on second and tagged Daniel Murphy to end the game....
Chipper Jones' Death Ranch Claims Another Victim
A illegal immigrant was found dead on the Texas property owned by the Larry Jones family. (It's eight miles from the Rio Grande and 124 degrees. Do the math.) Unrelated: The Braves have hired new hitting coach Anton Chigurh. [Journal-Constitution]...
Big Ben Hurt; You May Commence Panicking
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....