bu Page 363 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
This Butt's Name Is Patrick
Hmmm, you might want to consider catching this butt’s name before you jam your hand up inside of it. It’s Patrick, by the way, and next time, the least you can do is, I dunno, take the ass out for a slice or something....
How To Buy In Bulk
When my wife and I moved from a 600-square-foot apartment into our 1,000-square-foot house (with garage!), I was particularly excited about a few things: 1) having my very own washer and dryer, and being able to leave shit in them as long as I damn well pleased; 2) being able to more easily justify ...
IRS Goober Hits FIFA With A Tasty Burn
There were a lot of important things to discuss at today’s Department of Justice press conference about the corruption charges being brought against FIFA, but let’s worry about that stuff later. For now, we can focus on this dude from the IRS, who stepped up to the podium and unleashed hell:...
Jim "Learn The Fucking Rules" Schwartz To Work With NFL Officiating
Who wants Jim Schwartz? The NFL officiating department, apparently....
Tony Kornheiser Defends Josh Duggar, Says Maybe He Should Keep His Job
ESPN personality Tony Kornheiser defended admitted child molester Josh Duggar on his radio show, questioning whether the reality star and former executive director of the powerful Family Research Council should be “driven from his job” for sexually abusing at least five children while he was a teena...
FIFA Slaves Banned From Attending Relatives' Funerals
The 2022 Qatar World Cup will be brought to you by Coca-Cola on the backs of slave workers, many of whom hail from Nepal. These workers live in filth and work in terrifyingly dangerous conditions; their efforts to build the McDonald’s-funded event will result in one dead worker for every 90 seconds ...
James Harden Hits 80-Foot Shot After The Buzzer
So what if it didn’t count? This is impressive as hell....
Drogba Carried Off By Teammates In Final Chelsea Match
Didier Drogba announced today’s match against Sunderland would be his last in a Chelsea uniform. After suffering an early “injury,” the Ivorian earned a hero’s treatment as his teammates lifted him up to carry him off the pitch....
Britos Bloodies Morata With Vicious Headbutt
Today’s Serie A match between Juventus and Napoli ended with a red card for Miguel Britos after the Uruguayan delivered his skull straight to Álvaro Morata’s nose. Morata ended up with a bloody face, but the 3-1 win after the referee awarded a penalty for the incident....
Report: Buffalo, Washington, And Houston Are Potential <i>Hard Knocks</i> Teams
Thanks to new rules instituted after HBO and the NFL had difficulty finding a team to appear on Hard Knocks, the league can now force teams to take part if they meet certain criteria. Nine teams fit the bill: The Browns, Redskins, Giants, Buccaneers, Vikings, Texans, Rams, Titans, and Jaguars. Most ...
The Pittsburgh Pirates Would Like To Offer You A Sexual Donut
This post was deleted from the Pittsburgh Pirates’ Instagram account almost as quickly as it went up, but we have the denizens of the internet to thank for preserving this wonderful bit of autocorrect failure, one that turned a “special” offer into a “sexual” one....
Let's Take A Look At Andrew McCutchen's Pay Stub
Over on reddit, user Grassiii has posted a photo of Pirates outfielder Andrew McCutchen’s latest pay stub. Grassiii says that a friend found it on a recent tour of the visitor’s clubhouse at Wrigley Field, where the Pirates played the Cubs over the weekend. Let’s have a look (you can click the magni...
Madison Bumgarner Is The First Pitcher To Take Clayton Kershaw Deep
Madison Bumgarner’s newspaper wasn’t wet today. The Giants pitcher hit a strong solo home run off Clayton Kershaw in the third inning....
Dana White Can't Stop Lying About UFC Fighters Being Domestic Abusers
When Dana White isn’t busy calling female reporters “fucking dumb bitches” or those reporters’ sources “fucking faggots,” the UFC president spends his time whitewashing his fighters’ domestic violence histories. There’s Thiago Silva, arrested on charges he put a gun in his wife’s mouth, threatened t...
Pittsburgh Man Wants Home Run Ball That Landed In His Boat
Pittsburgh television station WTAE tracked down the owner of the boat that Pedro Alvarez hit a home run into last night, and he wants the ball back. ...
Pedro Alvarez Wallops Home Run Out Of PNC Park, Into Moored Boat
Both AT&T Park and PNC Park were built alongside large bodies of water. But whereas the San Francisco Bay is only about 370 feet from home plate at AT&T Park, the Allegheny River is 443 feet from home plate at PNC Park. Thus, in its 14-year history, there have only been two splash hits at PNC Park. ...
England Has Been Invaded By Giant Insects
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Nürburgring 24 Driver Loses Wheel, Attempts To Repair It Himself
“This man is a legend.” A Mercedes-Benz SLS AMG GT3 driver at today’s 24 Hours Nürburgring lost a wheel and made a valiant effort to retrieve and repair it before giving in and allowing himself to be towed back to the pits. The commentary from Vodaphone’s broadcasters are priceless on this; the reas...
Stephen Curry Hits 65-Foot Buzzer-Beater
I mean seriously, come on. Is Steph Curry even human? Spanish-language call from ESPN Deportes below:...
Grizzlies Hold Pregame "Moment Of Song" In Memory Of B.B. King
Memphis legend B.B. King died last night, and given his importance as a cultural icon to the Blues capital, it was a given the Grizzlies would do some sort of tribute before tonight’s Game 6 against the Warriors. But the occasion didn’t call for the standard moment of silence; instead, the Grizzlies...